


Sounds Like Nothing

by peachenhun, seizethejongdae



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Explicit Language, M/M, Near drowning experiences, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-16 13:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 63,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10572525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachenhun/pseuds/peachenhun, https://archiveofourown.org/users/seizethejongdae/pseuds/seizethejongdae
Summary: Sehun found a blue bottle with some message sealed away and a man without a voice living in a tide pool by the beach one day. But somehow the strangest thing to him still was how he was supposed to think of the future when all he wanted to do was live for today.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my beautiful beta F and her friend W for all their help and support, to the prompter for such an inspiring prompt, to the sweetest mods for their hard work, and to M for everything always.

Sehun hated the beach.  
  
He fucking _despised_ the way sand slid _everywhere_ even if all he did was walk on the pavement parallel to the beach, the way he got the _ugliest_ tan lines when he spent even less than an hour under the sun. And he especially hated the way that the cold water and merciless waves felt as if they were smothering him whenever he bothered to try swimming.  
  
But the beach was all he knew, in this beach city he had lived forever, so by the beach he had stayed all these years.  
  
Even when his friends had moved away for university, Sehun hadn’t wanted to follow them, to leave his home and move inland away from the sun and the sand. So his parents did instead and left in his place, travelling the world together as Sehun stayed behind by the beach on his own. He didn’t mind. They were brave enough to venture out into cities and countries they’d never been to before, but he was content with what he knew, the seaside shops he walked past countless times, the sandy avenues he could navigate through even blindfolded.  
  
But if he was honest, he didn’t mind the beach as much sometimes…especially on days like today when he was waiting to meet his friend Jongin by the first streetlight near the beach fountains.  
  
Except Jongin was late.  
  
Jongin, who had begged Sehun to come to the beach again and again and again until Sehun had no choice but to drag himself out of his house to meet him, was late. So here Sehun was, scowling under the sun with his hands deep in his pockets, waiting beside that streetlight for him. Jongin had been the brave one…the one to move far away from his own city in order to attend university here, which was something Sehun had found incomprehensible, but quietly admired all the same since that first day of orientation when Jongin had cheerfully sat next to him and asked for his name.  
  
“Sehun!” Jongin called out, waving as he approached before amusedly looking up and down, “Why are you wearing all of this here? At the beach?” Unlike Sehun who was dressed as if a rainstorm was approaching, Jongin only wore swimming trunks, exposing both his toned abs and his beautifully tan, sun-kissed skin.  
  
“I don’t want to get burnt,” Sehun said as he shoved his hands deeper into the front pocket of his sweater.  
  
“Then wear sunscreen,” Jongin said, knocking back the hood of Sehun’s sweater before patting his head, “Embrace beach life, Sehun. You’ve lived here long enough.”  
  
Before Sehun had time to respond, a girl brushed past him and slid her arm through Jongin’s.  
  
“Sehun,” she gazed at him curiously, “It’s nearly ninety degrees. Why are you wearing that?”  
  
“Ah, Soojung. Do you want to trade clothes then?” Sehun teased, glancing at the colorful bikini Soojung wore. “Do you think I’d fit in your clothes?” He began slowly removing his sweater before Soojung laughed and pulled it back down.  
  
“He doesn’t want to get burnt, and he doesn’t like sunscreen either,” Jongin loudly whispered to Soojung as if Sehun wasn’t standing right there. Soojung threw him a puzzled look before she smiled at Jongin and told him he looked especially nice today.  
  
And with that, Sehun let the two of them lead the way to wherever they wanted to explore today. Trailing behind, he tried his best to ignore the bubbles of laughter and sweet talk that was clearly not meant for him.  
  
Once they reached the sand, Sehun didn’t say anything, but sighed as sand unpleasantly slid between his toes and his flip-flops.  
  
Once they wandered past the waves and the people relaxing under the sun, Sehun didn’t say anything, but silently questioned why they were moving away from the city towards a part of the beach he did not know.  
  
Once they approached the end of the sand and the beginning of unfamiliar rocky territory, Sehun turned back to look at the distance covered and found with a jolt that they had walked much farther than he had thought.  
  
“Can we go back?” Sehun called out to Jongin and Soojung, tightening his hands in the front pocket of his sweater into tense fists. “Isn’t this a little far?”  
  
“Relax, Sehun,” Jongin smiled reassuringly, “It’s not very far. You’ll be fine.”  
  
Sehun gazed out at the large, looming rock formations in front of them. Most rocks looked stable, the weathered curves and slopes fit for relatively easy climbing. But the rocks were spaced far from each other, so to advance further, it was necessary to jump from rock to rock. Great.  
  
Trying his best, Sehun took a timid step towards Jongin and Soojung to keep up with them, but took a step back as soon as Soojung climbed onto a rock.  
  
“No,” he shook his head, “Absolutely not. We are _not_ going to climb all over these rocks…What if they’re sharp? What if we slip and hit our heads and die? _Then_ what?”  
  
“Then I’ll ask my guardian angel why they did such a poor job to let us die so young in our twenties,” Soojung called out before jumping onto another rock.  
  
“Come on, Sehun,” Jongin said, “Just take it slow and step onto the easy flat rocks. Who knows what you’ll find around here? It’ll be fun.”  
  
Without another word, Jongin followed Soojung, jumping onto a tilted rock before hopping onto another one. And another. And another. Soon, Jongin and Soojung began to drift further and further away, and if Sehun didn’t want to be left behind, to the rocks he must go. Grumbling, Sehun chose the safest, broadest, flattest rock he could find and stepped onto it. He doubted he would find anything here except more rocks. And more rocks. And more rocks.  
  
A few moments later, Sehun had barely made any progress because climbing damp rocks was absolutely an easy thing to do when wearing sandy flip-flops. But when he looked up, he found Jongin and Soojung’s figures growing smaller and smaller as they climbed further away without waiting for him to follow.  
  
_Fine_.  
  
Sehun pulled the hood of his sweater further over his head and climbed onto the next big rock he could find, wary of the waves that crashed against the rocks a few feet beside him. But soon, the only way to move forwards was to jump from one flat rock to another and risk falling into the gaps below where smaller, sharper rocks lay. The way back seemed equally difficult, and Sehun didn’t know how he had managed to climb this far. So he took a deep breath before jumping onto the rock in front of him.  
  
But he stumbled as he landed, causing one of his flip-flops to fall off the rock and down below.  
  
When he peered over the side, to his surprise, not more rocks lay down below, but a wide tide pool.  
  
Wow.  
  
Sehun didn’t know there were tide pools this big around this beach. But then again, he hadn’t exactly bothered to explore the different parts of the city before. Until now.  
  
Kneeling down, Sehun cautiously placed his hands on its surface to brace himself before peeking over the edge. As the tide was low, the rocky walls of the tide pool were more exposed, so Sehun could see tiny fish darting near the surface of the water, vibrantly orange anemone waving their tentacles slowly, and other small marine life whizzing about under the rippling water that the frothy waves crashed against and fell across.  
  
Sehun didn’t know how long he must’ve spent there crouched on the edge of the rock staring into tide pool, breathing in the salty breeze and letting the sound of the waves lull him into a sense of quiet calm. But soon, after observing for long enough, he leaned closer and closer to the edge and swore he could see…shadows moving from rocks in the pool?  
  
There was about a brief moment when Sehun could see the pool clearly before waves disturbed and distorted the surface of the water. And yet, those shadows remained in the same place unlike the fish that swam erratically around the pool. Sehun couldn’t see exactly what was creating those shadows and was about to lean even further to get a better look. But before he could potentially fall off the edge, he turned back around as the sound of Jongin and Soojung calling him echoed above the wind.  
  
“Coming,” he shouted back, dismissing the shadows as just the water’s movement.  
  
But as he stood up, he turned and…saw his missing flip-flop beside him laid out on the rock, still damp from falling into the tide pool?  
  
What?  
  
He could’ve sworn that it was still somewhere in the tide pool after it had fallen, but perhaps a large wave Sehun didn’t remember had pushed it back?  
  
Or something?  
  
Well. He wasn’t complaining, so he slipped it on and gingerly tried his best to find his way back. But maybe it was always easier to come back rather than to leave if people were waiting for him because Sehun climbed faster over the jagged rock formations and jumped higher over the gaps with less hesitation again and again and again until he hopped off the last rock and breathed in relief as his feet sank into the sand where Jongin and Soojung were waiting.  
  
“Where did you go? I thought you were right behind us,” Soojung said, sliding her sunglasses off her face and pushing them towards the top of her head as the sun began to melt out of the blue sky.  
  
“How could I when you two insisted on climbing over the larger rocks and jumping over the wider spaces,” Sehun shook his head.  
  
“Hey I’m just glad you actually came with us. Thanks, Sehun,” Jongin smiled as he lightly nudged Sehun’s arm.  
  
“Well thanks for dragging me out here. It was nice,” Sehun said, remembering the calmness, the bursts of quiet life he had found in the tide pool.  
  
With that, Jongin and Soojung left for the day as the sun fell further and further down in the horizon until it drowned in the distant ocean leaving Sehun alone again. But soon, with the moon for company, Sehun walked along the sandy avenues that ran parallel to the ocean and the beach.  
  
He often took walks like these at night when he couldn’t fall asleep, but today Sehun didn’t want to come back to an empty house just yet after spending the day among friends. So he continued walking along the shore, the distant whispers of the crashing waves and the occasional bikers and their chiming bells accompanying him. But soon, Sehun realized that he had walked much too far but luckily not too far that he couldn’t recognize where he was. Looking backwards, he could still make out the shapes of the familiar beach houses and city lights behind him. Okay. He wasn’t too far yet, but this was as far as he would go.  
  
He meant to turn around, to go back, to immediately return to more familiar surroundings, but the light from a street lamp a few feet away reflected off of something in the sand. It couldn’t hurt to walk a few more steps just to see what that was, right?  
  
So Sehun took one step.  
  
And looked back to make sure he could still see the city.  
  
And another step.  
  
And looked back again to make sure that he could still turn back any time.  
  
And took another step.  
  
And looked back again.  
  
And took another step.  
  
And another.  
  
And another….until he finally stepped off the pavement and walked across the sand to look closer at the object. Its surface seemed smooth, but he couldn’t tell exactly what it was because it was so deeply embedded in the sand. Curiously, Sehun reached down, dusted its surface, and carefully pulled out the object.  
  
A bottle?  
  
Sehun rubbed the lingering sand off of the bottle and peered at it. The bottle was transparent, capped off with a weathered cork, the color a shade of blue Sehun didn’t think he’d ever seen before, and it contained a tiny sheet of ripped paper within. Holding the bottle up to the light, Sehun rotated it to try and see if there was anything written on the paper. But the overwhelming darkness made it difficult to read the text, so for some reason, Sehun walked all the way back to his house clutching the bottle in his hands.  
  
When he finally came back home, he sat on the soft couch, switched on all the lights and turned the bottle over in his hands. There was no label to distinguish what its contents were before it had been discarded and left on the beach for Sehun to find. He touched the cork that sealed the bottle, tempted to just rip it off and shake the paper out from the bottle. And for a moment, he flexed his fingers, on the edge of pulling off the cork because he was so curious. But the feeling passed after a moment as Sehun thought more about the bottle. It was from the _beach_ after all, so what if he opened it and released an incurable strain of fucking _pelican flu_ or something. No, it was better to leave it sealed.  
  
So Sehun held the bottle closer to the bright bulb of his lamp and turned the bottle until he could make out little words written on the paper. The paper itself was ripped at the edges, as if someone had torn it in haste, and small, circular patterns wrinkled a few spots of the paper. Perhaps raindrops had fallen and dotted the paper. Or maybe tears.  
  
But finally, after sitting for ages trying to read through the distortions of the thick glass, he pieced together the message that the slightly slanted, neatly written words contained.  
  
_Wherever and whoever you may be,  
  
May you hear my voice somehow, somewhere free._  
  
Oh.  
  
Sehun didn’t know what to think of the message that had been so carefully sealed away, but as he stood up from his couch to place the bottle on the living room mantle cluttered with picture frames and seashells above the fireplace, he mentally sent his own message to whoever wrote this one.  
  
Even if he couldn’t physically hear the person speak, he still heard them. He heard them through their unspoken words, felt their genuine plea, and acknowledged the existence of their voice.  
  
He heard them.  
  
  


ϟ

  
  
  
On the first day after he discovered the tide pool among the rocks, Sehun didn’t intend to return to it this soon.  
  
But apparently, Soojung lost something while they were exploring, so Jongin had asked Sehun to come out with them to help look. And while Sehun was initially ready to tell them _no thanks have fun splitting your heads open on slippery rocks_ or even a more polite _no thanks but I hope you don’t die_ …he thought of the tide pool, its little fish, and all the glowing anemone. And so here he was dragging his sweater-dressed self out of his house while the tides were low and the sun was high.  
  
When he approached their usual meeting spot by the first streetlight near the beach fountains, Jongin and Soojung were absorbed in some sort of serious conversation, talking rapidly and gesturing wildly with their hands. But as soon as they caught sight of Sehun, they turned and smiled.  
  
“What’s up,” Sehun said, enjoying the brief breeze that danced past him as he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. Eighty-degrees or not, Sehun would die in his sweaters if he had to.  
  
“Jongin’s ruined the mood by talking about what we’re supposed to do after graduation,” Soojung scowled, “We haven’t even started our fourth year, but, —”  
  
“But it’s good to start thinking!” Jongin said, placing a concerned arm on Soojung’s shoulder. “My parents have been asking me what I want to do…And honestly if I want to go to graduate school, then I have to start looking at applications since we’re free in the summer. Do you want to go to graduate school, too?”  
  
“Maybe,” Soojung said, crossing her arms, relaxing a little bit as she turned back to Jongin, “Maybe not. I’ll have to think about it.”  
  
“See? It’s good that I brought it up now,” Jongin said, “What about you, Sehun? Have you thought about what you want to do after we graduate next year? Are you going to finally move out-of-state when you get accepted to some prestigious university?”  
  
Ha.  
  
“Now why would I want to think about that when the beach is right here,” Sehun nonchalantly said as he slid a pair of sunglasses onto his face and tilted his head vaguely in Jongin’s direction.  
  
“Oh, Sehun,” Jongin laughed, amused with Sehun’s response, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you just stayed here your whole life.”  
  
“Let’s just go,” Soojung said, “I’ll search for my bracelet quickly, and if we can’t find it, then let’s get ice cream. It’s my turn to pay.”  
  
Sehun trailed after his friends who had again reverted back to exchanging secret smiles and sweet words. As he trudged through the sand, the only thing he thought of was not how uncomfortable the sand felt slipping through his toes, but rather how he really didn’t want to think about what would happen after he graduated.  
  
But of course in some twisted way, there was nothing he could do to not think about it especially after Jongin had mentioned it. It was summer so he had time before he had to decide, but what would he do? Graduate school like his parents had so kindly hinted they would like? While he had been lucky enough to stay here for university, he doubted he could be so lucky to find the best options if he refused to look outside of this city. But there was time. There was still time. The future was far away…less than a year away, but still. It was summer, so there was still time for Sehun to figure that out later. Because for now, he was still in this city, still on this beach. It was okay. He was still here.  
  
When they approached the rocks, Sehun only hesitated for a moment before cautiously climbing onto the closest, flattest rock. If Jongin and Soojung were surprised at the change in Sehun’s interest, they didn’t say anything, but proceeded to jump onto steeper rocks before making their careful way through the rocks in search of Soojung’s bracelet. And while Soojung hadn’t ventured in the direction of the tide pool yesterday, it would not hurt for Sehun to look there anyways. Just in case.  
  
When Sehun finally reached the tide pool, he made sure to jump carefully over the last gap so he wouldn’t stumble like last time. After safely landing on the rock above the tide pool, he sat by the edge and dangled his feet off so that his toes skimmed the water as he stared at the sights below. It was impossible to gauge how deep the tide pool really was because the bottom wasn’t visible, so perhaps it wouldn’t be wise to swim there if he wanted to one day. He was content with watching the little fish anyways.  
  
But suddenly something fluttered from under the shadows of the rock causing Sehun to pull his feet back up before cautiously peering down again.  
  
Was that…a tail?  
  
Sehun caught sight of what looked like a corner of some large fish’s tail cutting through the surface of the water one more time before it disappeared into the shadows under the rock s and away from his view.  
  
What kind of fish lived here?  
  
Surely not fish that could bite his toes off, right?  
  
…Right?  
  
A bit unsettled, Sehun shifted uncomfortably, though still remained seated. He turned his head and looked back, the familiar sights of the distant city reassuring him before he turned back and sighed. He was safe here on this rock. He was.  
  
“Sehun, where are you? We couldn’t find it, but let’s go anyways!” Jongin shouted across the jagged rocks.  
  
Turning his head back again, Sehun shouted back that he would be right there before he turned.  
  
Turned back to find Soojung’s bracelet right next to him.  
  
_What._  
  
No…he couldn’t have accidentally picked it up, right? Sehun wondered if he was imagining things or forgetting something, but whatever it was, he forced it away from his mind and plucked the bracelet up before carefully making his way back to Jongin and Soojung.  
  
And this time, it seemed a little easier to climb back over the rocks and return to the sandy shore.  
  
But the following days after Sehun first discovered the hidden tide pool, for some reason, he just kept returning. Even if some days Jongin and Soojung were happy to just sunbathe on the sand and other days they didn’t come with him at all. There was something about that tide pool, the journey there that wasn’t quite unfamiliar as before but still unfamiliar all the same. And of course there was that quiet calmness he enjoyed. Out here, he was sure only the small marine life and the crashing waves could hear any secret whispers he voiced.  
  
Sehun began to think that he was growing quite skilled at climbing these rocks after all the times he ventured out to the tide pool. He wasn’t as cautious as he was before, and he was sure that when he jumped from one rock to the next his feet would land where they were supposed to land.  
  
But maybe he grew too confident.  
  
Because one day, Sehun decided to run up a rock before leaping over the rock that overlooked the tide pool, the momentum causing him to over-jump and land thankfully not on any of the jagged stones, but in the tide pool.  
  
The shock of the cold water stunned Sehun as he crashed into the pool, and he could feel his sweater growing heavier as it absorbed the water. But before he could even start flailing or pushing himself to the surface, Sehun felt himself, somehow, being lifted up onto the rocks again.  
  
_What._  
  
But there wasn’t…there wasn’t anyone here, right?  
  
Rubbing water out of his eyes, Sehun blinked rapidly to clear his blurry vision and felt his jaw drop when his vision finally cleared.  
  
Because there was a young man just _lounging_ in the pool like it was nothing, like it was some pool and not a natural microcosm filled with who fucking knew _what_ , like it was where he naturally belonged.  
  
“Thank you,” Sehun managed to choke out as he gazed at the man, only looking away for a moment as he quickly ripped off his sopping sweater and spread it out on the rock to dry before his gaze flickered back to the man who was _still_ in the tide pool. Only the man’s upper torso was visible, as the water concealed the rest of his body, but Sehun was just sure from the shoulders he could see peeking out of the water that the man was _toned_. And when the man smiled in return, his lips curling up sweetly and his eyes crinkling happily, Sehun pressed his lips tightly together just in case the screaming that was currently going on inside his head would be vocalized. Because oh no. Oh no. Oh. No. The man was _beautiful_.  
  
Suddenly Sehun felt a little self-conscious as water dripped from his drenched hair into his face because how could that man look so absolutely stunning with his perfectly styled, damp hair even though he had been in the water for who knew how long? Sehun lay on his stomach to be a little closer to the man, still so unable to look anywhere but at the blinding glow of his smile.  
  
Wow.  
  
Wow?  
  
_Wow_.  
  
The man eagerly swam closer to Sehun before reaching his raised hand out, looking at him hopefully and inclining his head towards him.  
  
Oh.  
  
Did he want a high-five or something?  
  
Sehun timidly tapped the man’s outreached hand with his own before drawing it back slowly. But the man was not satisfied as he shook his head and firmly raised his hand again.  
  
Sehun pushed his palm towards the man’s hand and pressed it against the man’s skin for a moment until the man slid his fingers through Sehun’s.  
  
_Oh_.  
  
Sehun raised his eyebrows at the gesture and wrote off his rapidly reddening cheeks to sun exposure… _not anything else_ as he slowly curled his fingers around the man’s hand. Maybe this bold man was from some tide pool community who held hands as a way of greeting. All right.  
  
“Who are you? What’s your name?” Sehun asked, enjoying the warmth of the sun drying his wet body and also the warmth of the man’s hand. Only Jongin and Soojung held hands this long, but Sehun didn’t bother to think of the implications, and never even once thinking of moving his hand away.  
  
The man’s expression fell as the smile drooped from his face. He grasped Sehun’s hand tighter before speaking. Or at least…tried to speak. The man’s curved lips moved, but no sound fell from his lips.  
  
“Oh,” Sehun said, holding the stranger’s hand tighter to comfort him, “I guess you can’t speak. I’m sorry.”  
  
The man looked away from Sehun and back down at the water before his chest heaved up and down slowly. Was that a sigh? The beginning of a cry? But the man’s eyes weren’t welling up with tears, so Sehun supposed the man just didn’t like being reminded he couldn’t speak.  
  
“I only know a little sign language,” Sehun spoke again, causing the man to look up with interest, “But do you know any? We can talk that way! I still don’t know your name.”  
  
The man’s chest rose and fell again. Another sigh?  
  
The man shook his head. This time Sehun himself sighed, though the sound was lost among the waves’ whispers.  
  
“That’s okay,” Sehun said, “I’ll just talk for the both of us then, and you can listen or nod or shake your head?”  
  
The man smiled hopefully and gently swung their clasped hands.  
  
“Or smile. Your smile’s really bright,” Sehun couldn’t help but say before changing the subject quickly, not giving the man any time to respond to that, “But anyways, I’m Sehun. Thanks for pulling me out of the water again.”  
  
The man nodded as he mouthed _Sehun_.  
  
“I’m about to start my last year of university,” Sehun said, not really sure why he was talking about _this_ of all things to talk about, “I don’t really know what I want to do after I graduate, but I don’t like thinking about it much. Especially if I have to move away. I’m comfortable here, you know? I know where everything is, who everyone is, and it’s just…familiar to me. I’m fine with staying here.”  
  
The man listened intently, nodding every now and then to acknowledge Sehun’s words. And usually Sehun didn’t talk that much. He only spoke when professors called on him during class, and even then, he answered in a few sentences…not the long paragraphs of rambling that some of his classmates would answer with.  
  
But since this man couldn’t talk, here Sehun was somehow talking his mouth off and surprisingly enjoying every second.  
  
“I also hate the beach, but I like it out here,” Sehun grinned as he watched the man throw his head back in silent laughter at Sehun’s words.  
  
“Okay your turn,” Sehun said, “Where do you live? Are you from around here?”  
  
The man spread out his free arm and pointed at the tide pool.  
  
“Here?” Sehun asked, “Really? That’s…interesting. I don’t know how anyone could survive out here, but I guess you must be into all that surviving-in-nature lifestyle. Oh! Then was it you who gave me back my flip-flop the first time I was here? And then my friend Soojung’s bracelet?”  
  
The man nodded excitedly while large, dark ripples tore through the water underneath him. But Sehun didn’t notice. He was too busy staring at the man’s face after all.  
  
“So you’ve been here all this time,” Sehun said with something short of awe, though caught himself before he could say _but why didn’t you say anything_?  
  
“But why didn’t you come out sooner?” he asked instead.  
  
The man looked at Sehun and shrugged before reaching out with his other hand to tousle Sehun’s hair, now damp rather than drenched.  
  
“Well you’re here now,” Sehun said, smiling as the man nodded enthusiastically, “And I’m here, so it’s all good. We found each other with plenty of time left to spend together.”  
  
And so there the two of them stayed, hand clasped, smiles shared, their conversation heard only by the waves that crashed against the rocks. Sehun remained as long as he could until high tide approached and forced him to leave.  
  
But the man still held on tightly to Sehun’s hand, his expression falling as Sehun began to sit up.  
  
“I have to go back now before it gets dark,” Sehun said, squinting and struggling to focus on the man as the sun behind him cast such a bright light. So he raised the side of his hand and lowered his fingers so that they fell parallel to his forehead in a sort of sloppy salute in order to see better.  
  
“But don’t worry,” Sehun smiled, causing the man to look up in hope, “I’ll come back tomorrow, okay? I’ll find you.”  
  
The man grinned in response and gently released Sehun’s hand before mirroring Sehun’s gesture, bringing the side of his hand to his face. He attempted to speak, and while Sehun still could not hear what the man was saying, he still understood what his lips repeated.  
  
_I’ll find you._  
  
  


ϟ

  
  
  
The next day, Sehun woke late, threw on a different pair of swimming trunks and picked up his sweater by the couch before checking his house one last time to make sure that he didn’t leave the stove on and all the windows were locked. Everything seemed in order, and he glanced one last time at the framed photos, sparse seashells, and the blue bottle cluttered on his mantle before running out the door, clutching his sweater in his hand.  
  
“Whoa, Sehun!” someone familiar shouted as he raced past them, the view of the beach getting closer and closer, “No sweater today?”  
  
“Wow thanks for reminding me,” Sehun shouted back, taking a split second to pull his sweater over his bare chest before continuing to make his way to the beach.  
  
Down the avenues he raced passing bikers, tan surfers pulling their surfboards out of their cars, and children screaming in protest as their parents applied sunblock to their skin. He knew this city…this small area by the beach. How many times had he passed by the same shops? The same swimmers? The same sand? The same sights?  
  
But he hadn’t spent enough time at the rocks yet. So while he was excited to come again to the tide pool, he glanced behind him before stepping on the first rock to make sure the city was still behind him. It wasn’t like it was going to go anywhere, but Sehun just liked to see that he could come back anytime, that he wasn’t too far away from what he knew.  
  
But as he approached the rocks, steadily climbing over every jagged angle and slanted slope, occasionally crouching down to grip a rock for extra support, he gradually slowed down as he approached the tide pool. Oh. Suddenly the space he needed to jump across seemed much bigger and further than it had seemed all those times before.  
  
Sehun didn’t know why he hesitated now. He had made such good progress, such eager progress earlier, and for once he thought he was finally getting used to exploring somewhere a bit out of the city. Struck by some slow, creeping sense of dread, Sehun took a step back before he turned around. He could still see the city, and to the city he wanted to go again, but the road back looked treacherous. The rocks he had to climb back looked even more dangerous today, and Sehun didn’t want to make the leap forwards or backwards, so he just stayed in place. Struck. Stuck. Stunned.  
  
For a while he stood there, wondering why it was so hard for him to venture into the unknown places. For even longer he wondered why he could not move forwards or backwards despite making the same journey countless times by now. It was funny how even the most familiar of sights could grow unfamiliar in the blink of an eye for no reason at all in the moments he stopped to think about where he really was.  
  
But the sound of splashing water from the large tide pool just over the side of the crevice tempted Sehun. The man would be there today, right? Who was he? He supposed there was only one way to find out, so he took a deep breath and jumped across to the other rock. When he landed safely, he could only lower himself until he lay down, his stomach pressing into the hard rock in relief.  
  
One day he would be better at doing things on his own.  
  
One day he would be better at seeing things he didn’t know.  
  
But that day was not today, so he relished in the terrified pride that he had done that…he had gone all by himself again to a place where no one else followed him, a place where no one else had mapped out and established, a place where he couldn’t navigate as if it were second nature.  
  
Letting his arm dangle over the side of the rock, Sehun absent-mindedly traced the water below with his fingers until something pressed against his hand. Sehun looked over the cliff in surprise but relaxed as he saw the man smile in greeting.  
  
“Hello again,” Sehun said, sliding his fingers through the man’s fingers and effortlessly returning the smile as he gazed at the man’s beautiful features. He couldn’t see the man’s legs anywhere in the water like last time, but he figured the water was just too dark and a little too bubbly from the currents that ran through it. But he did see the man’s stunning smile, sharp cheekbones, and wonderfully sea-swept hair. Sehun was sure that if he spent even five minutes in the water, he would never be able to look anywhere near as good as the man who spent who knew how long there.  
  
“I don’t know why it was hard for me to come here today,” Sehun admitted, continuing before he could wonder why he was telling the man all of this, “Sometimes it’s hard for me to walk to places I don’t know or haven’t gone to before. I should be used to this by now since my parents aren’t here anymore, but it’s hard when I’m by myself, you know?”  
  
The man listened intently before pointing at himself.  
  
“You’re right,” Sehun admitted, “I’ve only just met you, but you’re here, too. I think that’s what pushed me to jump over the rocks to come. To find you again. But are you sure you really live here? Wouldn’t you get hypothermia?”  
  
Now if Sehun had been paying attention, he would have noticed something shimmering and flicking through the dark water below him. But he wasn’t. He could only stare at the man’s face to try and understand what he was trying to communicate after all.  
  
And when the man shook his head, Sehun was a little confused, though he continued asking.  
  
“Okay then what do you eat here? The fish? The anemone?” Sehun said, “I don’t think you have underwater bakeries around here, right?”  
  
The man looked confused at the word bakeries, though nodded before looking into the water and striking his hand fast and hard into the surface, pulling out a floundering fish before gently releasing it moments later.  
  
“Alright,” Sehun nodded, looking for a moment to where the fish had swam off. But before he could examine the water around the man closely, his gaze had flicked back to the man’s face. “That was impressive…I guess if you ever want to leave this place we can go eat sashimi at a sushi bar. Do you ever leave then?”  
  
The man nodded and pointed down at the water. Sehun couldn’t understand what he was trying to communicate, so to avoid making the man feel awful that he couldn’t understand him, he just nodded and moved on to a different subject.  
  
“Well when you don’t leave your tide pool, what do you do here? What did you do today before I came?” Sehun asked. The man mimed paddling with his free arm and pressed a free hand to his cheek.  
  
“Swimming? Sleeping?” Sehun said, “Nice. Nice summer schedule you’ve got there.”  
  
The man nodded before pointing at Sehun and looked inquisitively at him.  
  
“Me?” Sehun said, pointing at himself as the man nodded, “Well, I’m here now, and I’ll be here tomorrow if that’s okay with you? If you’ll be here?”  
  
The man nodded enthusiastically, raising the side of his hand to his face and letting his fingers fall parallel to his forehead before he dropped his hand to point at himself.  
  
_Come find me._  
  
“I’ll find you,” Sehun grinned, mirroring the gesture so easily.  
  
It wasn’t Sehun’s fault he was so distracted by that brilliant smile on the man’s face that he didn’t see the dark shapes lingering in the shadows under the water.  
  
  


ϟ

  
  
  
Summer was good.  
  
Not because the sun was at its brightest, not because the beach was at its busiest, not because the new semester had not yet begun, but rather because Sehun was free to do whatever he wanted. And whatever he wanted involved simply returning to the tide pool every day. He didn’t know if he was dreaming or if there really was some remote community of people who lived among the tide pools, but whatever it was, he enjoyed the company of this man who lived among the frothy waves and swam with the tiny fish.  
  
Some days he told the man about his parents and how they were preparing to fly to a new country to travel to. Other days he told the man about Jongin and Soojung and how he was glad they had befriended him in college. But always he asked the man simple questions he could answer with a nod or shake of his head. And always, like yesterday, like today, like tomorrow, they greeted each other the same way, the man effortlessly gliding through the water’s surface more gracefully than any swimmer Sehun had ever seen before raising his hand in greeting. A hand that Sehun reached out to touch back before their fingers collapsed against each other.  
  
But even after a while of meeting like this, Sehun never ran out of things to talk about and never ran out of energy to keep talking for this man who could not.  
  
“Do you like cupcakes?” Sehun asked, “There’s a creamery around here that makes the best cupcakes. We could go there one day if you want, or if you’re comfortable with leaving the tide pool.”  
  
The man furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Sehun curiously as he silently mouthed the words Sehun said.  
  
“Cupcakes?” Sehun asked in surprise, “Have you never eaten them before?”  
  
Did this man in his tide pool grow up away from the city this whole time?  
  
The man shook his head and tilted his head expectantly, waiting for Sehun to answer. Sehun observed the way the waves gently pushed against the man’s shoulders for a moment before speaking.  
  
“Cupcakes are kind of like a tiny food with different colored frosting on top? Like sweet, soft bread. And there are different flavors! Vanilla, chocolate, red velvet…One time Soojung tried to make pomegranate cupcakes, and it didn’t go very well, but she’d spent so much time baking them, so Jongin and I ate them all for her. We were sick for the rest of the day, but she was happy, so it was okay,” Sehun said as the man intently listened. But when he stopped talking, the man raised his other hand and moved his wrist in a circular motion as if to encourage Sehun to speak more.  
  
“But I talk so much,” Sehun said, feeling a little embarrassed, “You’re probably sick of my voice by now.”  
  
The man widened his eyes in shock before shaking his head and repeating the circular motion of his hand.  
  
_Keep going!_  
  
“Alright,” Sehun said before continuing to talk about seemingly irrelevant things. But from the way the man intently listened and smiled at Sehun’s words, anyone who watched but could not hear them would have thought that Sehun was talking about the most important things in the world.  
  
But in the middle of talking about the constant emails one of his professors kept sending about research opportunities, Sehun paused as the man suddenly moved his free hand towards Sehun’s neck before gently pressing his fingers to the center of Sehun’s throat. Sehun was a little startled by the coldness of the man’s fingers that had been submerged in the water, but he kept talking after a moment. Feeling the vibrations in Sehun’s throat, the man slumped his shoulders, his previous contentment dissolving into deep longing.  
  
Sehun stopped talking for a moment as he realized. Maybe the man had lost his voice in an accident. Maybe he missed talking so much. Or maybe he had never been able to speak at all. Whatever it was, Sehun let the man keep his fingers on his skin. Fingers that were surprisingly unwrinkled despite all the time he’d spent submerged in water.  
  
After a while, the man started to repeat what Sehun was saying, his lips moving as fast as Sehun’s. But only Sehun’s voice echoed between the crashing waves, something that caused the man to pause before he throwing his head back and opening his mouth. Sehun couldn’t hear anything, but noting the way the veins on the man’s neck were bulging, he guessed that the man was probably screaming. But after no sound was ever voiced, nothing ever sounded, the man slapped the water in frustration with his free hand and breathed deeply. At least Sehun could hear him breathe.  
  
Reaching out his free arm, Sehun placed his hand on top of their clasped hands and spoke again to offer his support.  
  
“I can’t imagine what it must feel like,” Sehun gently said, “And it must have been so hard…so hard for you.”  
  
The man turned to look at him with the most devastated expression Sehun never wanted to see again, and Sehun couldn’t tell if the drops of water sliding down his face were from the splash of the ocean or his own tears. But all he knew was that he wanted to comfort the man in front of him, to make him smile once again.  
  
“It’s okay,” Sehun continued on as he soothingly rubbed the skin of the man’s hand. “Don’t worry. Words aren’t always important, you know? I understand you well enough like this anyway from the way you look at me, the way you respond. Speaking’s not the only way to be heard.”  
  
The man’s expression shifted, the misery slowly evaporating off of his face as his eyes widened and he mimed something with his free hand as he pinched his fingers together and moved his wrist up and down. Sehun watched carefully, trying to understand.  
  
“Oh!” Sehun said as he finally realized what the man was trying to communicate, “Of course! Why didn’t I think of that earlier?”  
  
  


ϟ

  
  
  
The next day, Sehun brought not a single sheet of paper, but rather a whole entire five hundred paged, college ruled spiral notebook, and a pencil because he wanted to know _exactly_ what the man wanted to say, what the nods and shakes of his head insufficiently communicated.  
  
So this time he hastily left his house, not even taking the time to throw on his sweater, instead simply tying it around his waist. If he and his bare upper torso were going to burn at the mercy of the sun today, then so be it. Because he was so _excited_ , running as fast as he could in his flip-flops down the sandy avenues past the long stretch of the pier through the sand, and all but soared from rock to rock as quickly as he could in his haste to reach the man in the tide pool. And while the rocks normally seemed such an exhausting and daunting climb, Sehun was bounding over them like they were nothing but tiny stones.  
  
But his enthusiasm had caused him to leap too far, as he miscalculated the amount of force needed to reach the large rock that overlooked the tide pool. So when he jumped, he stumbled off the rock, falling right into the tide pool. Again.  
  
The cold water shocked Sehun as he plunged into the tide pool, and even now, his feet never touched the bottom. How deep could this tide pool be? Keeping his eyes closed as his entire body was submerged in the dark water, Sehun fought down a sense of panic down as he felt something _scaly_ brush his feet.  
  
His panic only grew as that scaly something…a very _large_ scaly something slid under Sehun’s legs and pushed him towards the surface of the water.  
  
But Sehun was not pleased with whatever the fuck it was, and he was fighting to escape to the surface before hands…human hands gently lifted him up.  
  
Oh.  
  
It was the man.  
  
But the scaliness of the long tail was still pressed up against his legs, and Sehun was beginning to grow hysterical as he floundered in the water.  
  
“You have to get out,” Sehun screamed at the man who still held onto him even though he had already broke through the water.  
  
“There’s a shark here,” Sehun screamed even though there were no sharks in tide pools.  
  
“There’s a fucking _loch ness monster_ ,” Sehun hysterically shouted even though they were most definitely not anywhere near Scotland. It was a pity Sehun had not opened his eyes yet so he missed the amused look the man was giving him.  
  
“I don’t want to die…I don’t want you to die…what the _fuck_ is in this tide pool,” Sehun screamed again, turning and twisting in the man’s grasp until he faced him. Sehun was still blind, still had his eyes shut, but he could feel the man’s hands slowly rubbing his back and his shoulders in an attempt to comfort him.  
  
Sehun calmed down as he focused on the man’s touch, and eventually, the water didn’t seem as cold as before. He was about to calmly rub the water from his eyes so he could finally see and swim properly back to the rock when that scaly _thing_ brushed against his leg and he was screaming. Again. This time, he hysterically grabbed at the man’s waist and only screamed louder when the tail pressed up against. Sehun frantically reached into the water to brush the tail off, but when he touched it—  
  
_Fuck._  
  
How big was this fish?  
  
Sehun wanted to push the tail away from him, but couldn’t help his hands travelling up the long tail until he felt…skin?  
  
What.  
  
Sehun grabbed at the skin before he felt his way up very toned abs, a firm chest, and touched a face.  
  
A face?  
  
_What?_  
  
Sehun gently touched the face, trying to envision to whom it belonged to. But honestly there was only one person with him here, only one other person with cheekbones that felt this sharp, with lips that curled up that much…  
  
_WHAT._  
  
But before Sehun could say anything else, he could feel hands guiding him through the water before gently lifting and pushing him onto the rock.  
  
Shivering, Sehun wiped his eyes, blinking as he adjusted to the bright sunlight before staring into the pool. The large tail had disappeared, and the man was swimming across the tide pool to retrieve the sopping wet notebook after having made sure that Sehun was alright and alive.  
  
But Sehun was still processing what he had seen, what he had felt, and when he saw the man sleekly glide across the water towards him, the large tail emerging from the water behind the man, Sehun could only open his mouth and stare. Stare as his eyes where the tail could possibly lead to again and again. And always, the tail connected directly to the man’s torso.  
  
Okay.  
  
The man had…a tail.  
  
Fuck.  
  
The man had.  
  
A _tail._  
  
The man…No. Fishman? Seaman? Merman?  
  
Whoever he was, he swam close to Sehun and dropped the dripping notebook onto the rock and spread open the pages so the sun could begin to dry them and save whatever it could of the drenched paper. Sehun vaguely wished that the paper would dry faster because he had so many questions, and he found that his mouth wouldn’t work and any words that he wanted to say stuck in his throat.  
  
The person in front of him cutely tilted his head and waved a hand in front of Sehun’s dazed gaze, his chest heaving up and down. He was laughing wasn’t he…laughing at Sehun’s reaction. But what else could Sehun do? It wasn’t as if any books, any professors, anyone actually told him that _hey…hey…by the way, people with fish tails actually fucking exist._  
  
Seeing that Sehun was in a state of shock, the person patted Sehun’s cheek with a smile before circling around the rock, not bothering to hide his tail now as he occasionally lifted it from the water to lightly splash water at Sehun. Now that Sehun didn’t have saltwater attacking his eyes, he could actually see and appreciate…the tail now that he had a closer, clearer look. Iridescent scales decorated the entire length of it, and while the colors shimmered and changed colors under the light, in general, it was a shade of blue that Sehun swore he had only seen maybe one other time in his life. It was a vaguely familiar blue, but still unfamiliar in a way. Blue but not entirely blue. Known yet unknown. Possible but not possible.  
  
The two of them stayed like that for a while, Sehun sitting on the rock stunned and dazed while the person cheerily swam around the rock occasionally showing off his tail as they waited for the paper to dry.  
  
And when the first page was dry enough, the person took the forgotten pencil that lay beside Sehun and began to write. While Sehun had been waiting to hear what the person would say, he could only sit there, completely slack-jawed and speechless again as the person’s voice flittered through his mind as he read what was written.  
  
_Hello, Sehun!!! I’m glad I can finally tell you that you’re beautiful!_  
  
The person cheekily looked at Sehun who was internally screaming because oh my _god_ …He hid his cheeks that were burning not from the sun, but because of this person behind his hands, causing the person to pat Sehun’s shoulder fondly. After seeing that Sehun was still much too shocked to respond or speak, the person kept writing.  
  
_I guess you can see I’m a merman._  
  
A merman.  
  
So that was it.  
  
There was a merman who lived in this tide pool, who kept Sehun company every day he came here, who listened and responded enthusiastically to everything Sehun said, who saved him every time he clumsily fell into the tide pool, and who had a _tail_.  
  
Okay.  
  
Sehun could only look from the slightly slanted handwriting to the merman in wonder. Whereas previously he had spoken all the time, now, the merman communicated more and more while Sehun could only sit and silently nod.  
  
_I don’t think I’ll overwhelm you with anything else about merpeople today. You seem…shocked. So I’ll save that for another day, maybe?_  
  
The merman looked up expectantly at Sehun, as if to silently ask him if he would come back after this, if he still liked him after what he saw, if he was not scared or repulsed after this. But of course after a bit of a readjustment period, why wouldn’t he come back? Sehun nodded enthusiastically, though still remained silent as he gazed at the merman.  
  
_I didn’t always live here in this tide pool, you know. When I lived in the ocean, I lived everywhere! Everywhere was my home…and I moved more often than I stayed in a place. But now I’m here, so there isn’t anything I can do about that for now. But it’s not bad. I know how many starfish live here, when the anemone open and close, and what time you come. It’s always in the afternoon between low and high tide. Do you live close?_  
  
Sehun took the time to read what the merman wrote, suddenly feeling conscious as he could feel the merman’s gaze on him. He admired the merman’s neat writing and decided he would ask him where he learned how to write or learn his language or if merpeople spoke the same language another day. Did he live close by? Sehun looked back up at the merman and nodded.  
  
The merman excitedly clapped before picking up the pencil to write again.  
  
_I knew it! You wouldn’t come out here all the time every day if you lived far away, right?_  
  
Sehun resisted the urge to say that he would have…he would have totally traveled hours and hours just to visit him.  
  
_But if you’ve been here all this time, why didn’t you come here sooner?_  
  
Sehun looked at the merman and wanted to say that even though he had lived here all his life, he was still hesitant to explore places he did not know, that it had taken his friends’ prodding for him to push himself outside of his own house. But those were too many words, and he had none right now, so when he opened his mouth and nothing sounded, Sehun just shrugged silently before offering his hand out to the merman. The merman mirrored the action and pressed their hands together before their fingers collided like crashing waves and folded over each other. This action itself had grown more familiar than any unfamiliar tail, any unfamiliar existence, any unfamiliar place to Sehun.  
  
_Well, you’re here now_ , the merman slowly wrote with his free hand, shifting the position of his body that was still half-submerged in the water so he could write and hold Sehun’s hand at the same time.  
  
_And I’m here, so it’s all good_ , the merman paused his writing to look up with a smile, a beautiful, brilliant smile that Sehun so easily reciprocated.  
  
_We found each other with plenty of time left to spend together._  
  
The two of them continued gazing at each other with fond smiles, their expressions saying more than any spoken words could say. The unheard conversations that passed between their glances, their touches, their looks caused Sehun to let out a deep, content sigh. His first audible reaction since seeing the merman and his blue tail.  
  
The merman suddenly straightened his posture, looking at Sehun before excitedly bouncing up and down the water and snatching up the pencil once again.  
  
_I can’t believe I forgot!_ He wrote quickly, more quickly than he had before.  
  
_I’m Jongdae._  
  
“Jongdae,” Sehun mouthed the name, still not trusting himself to speak just yet.  
  
But with a smile, he pulled the pencil from the merman’s loose grasp and wrote his first words to the merman.  
  
_Jongdae. That’s a beautiful name. I love it._  
  
  
  
  


ϟ

  
  
  
The next day, Sehun had spent his morning sitting on the couch across from the unused fireplace staring at the cluttered objects, the photographs, the flash of blue on top of the mantle when it finally sank in that he was really going to go visit a merman today. He had been visiting a merman. He would keep visiting a merman. Wow.  
  
A buzz from his pocket interrupted his thoughts, and Sehun pulled out his phone to check the notification. Oh…four emails from his university? Sehun quickly read the headlines and laughed internally.  
  
_It’s almost the start of the new academic year! Have you paid tuition yet?  
  
[Career Center] Reminder to update your résumé  
  
Registrar’s Office: Potential Degree Candidacy Notice  
  
[Research Opportunity] 1-3 Students wanted to assist in…_  
  
Sehun forwarded the first email to his mother before switching his phone off and rushing out his front door as he grabbed his notebook and a pencil. Yesterday, he had survived the sun with a few nasty burns, so he had painstakingly applied sunblock over his body today. But even now, he didn’t forget his sweater and tied it to his waist over his swimming trunks.  
  
And in what used to seem like thirty minutes, Sehun arrived at the tide pool in what felt like seconds. This time, he took his time and carefully leapt over the rocks to avoid falling like last time. And the time before that. When he landed on the rock that protruded over the tide pool, he stood breathlessly as he searched the water for who he was looking for.  
  
“Jongdae,” Sehun shouted, dizzy from the stinging smell of sunblock and anticipation.  
  
And soon, from the shadows, Jongdae swam out to greet him with a bright smile, flicking his tail and splashing Sehun with water in greeting.  
  
Excited, Sehun sat on the rock and opened the blue notebook to a new page before offering the pencil to Jongdae in case he wanted to speak first.  
  
_Hello, Sehun!!! You’re still as stunning as usual. Nice! How are you today?_  
  
The corners of Jongdae’s lips curled up even more as he waited for Sehun to respond. And honestly, all Sehun could do was wish he wore his sweatshirt so he could pull his hood over his head because _Jongdae_. But not wanting to be outdone, he took the pencil and began to write.  
  
_Hey Jongdae. I’m with the most beautiful being on this planet, so you could say I’m doing more than just fantastic. How are you, too?_  
  
Jongdae looked up from the paper after he finished reading and playfully splashed a few droplets of water towards Sehun. This time it was his turn to duck his head down and hide a smile.  
  
_Good, good now that you’re here. I’m sure you’re curious though. Do you have any questions for me?_  
  
Sehun had a lot of questions for Jongdae. Were there other beings that lived in the ocean that he would only consider mythical? Why did Jongdae stay out here when he could be freely swimming in the ocean? Was he stranded here? How did he know this language? Did he used to be able to speak before? But of course, Sehun chose this to ask first.  
  
_Is this how merpeople say hello?_ Sehun asked, writing with his right hand as he reached out with his left to hold Jongdae’s hand.  
  
_Holding hands?_ Jongdae wrote, looking at Sehun for clarification, and when Sehun nodded, he continued to write, holding back a pleased smile.  
  
_No, but it’s how you show affection in your culture and mine, so I wanted to show you I liked you from the first time I saw you and every time after that._  
  
Sehun didn’t even want to know what type of smooth talking Jongdae would be doing if he could speak because this…All of this, all of Jongdae was already making him so flustered he himself wouldn’t have been able to speak even if he tried.  
  
_Jongdae, you’re really going to kill me one day if you keep telling me these things,_ Sehun wrote as he could feel his face burning.  
  
_Then you’re lucky I lost my voice because if I had sung to you, you would’ve never stood a chance,_ Jongdae wrote before he suddenly grew somber as he thought of his lost voice.  
  
Jongdae used to be able to sing? Jongdae used to have a voice? What had happened to it? But Sehun didn’t want to bring up any unpleasant memories since Jongdae looked on the edge of grief.  
  
_I’m sure I would’ve loved your singing,_ Sehun wrote back. He tried to imagine Jongdae’s audible voice, his singing voice. He already had a good sense of Jongdae’s written voice, and he read every playful tease and genuine excitement that shone through Jongdae’s words. But what did Jongdae’s singing sound like? Sehun tried to imagine the most beautiful sound, but because he had never heard Jongdae’s voice, he couldn’t even fathom what it must have sounded like. Jongdae was motionless for a moment before he wrote back.  
  
_To the merpeople, singing is life. When we’re happy, we sing. When we’re upset, we sing. When we live, we sing, and to send off those who have died, we sing them one last farewell. So to have lost my voice…to not be able to sing anymore? It’s been killing me, Sehun. It’s killing me. I want to speak, to be heard. I want to sing. I want. To. SING. SING. SING!!!!!_  
  
Jongdae scribbled sing over and over again with dark and angry marks before he underlined the words so deeply the pencil tore the paper. Putting down the pencil, Jongdae opened his mouth as if to try again, as if the result would be different this time, as if he could sing this time. But as he strained his neck as hard as he could, it was all for nothing, as nothing sounded. After tiring himself out, Jongdae closed his mouth and let the distraught frustration bleed through his downcast expression.  
  
Sehun wanted to desperately speak since it would be faster than writing and since he wanted to comfort Jongdae as immediately as possible, but he didn’t want to flaunt his very present voice, so he wrote as fast as he could.  
  
_It’s okay. I hear you, Jongdae. I can still hear you even if you can’t speak, even if you can’t sing. We’re talking right now, right? We’ve been talking for a long time, right? Your voice may be lost, but I can still hear you._  
  
After Jongdae read Sehun’s words, he looked up, looked at Sehun with such a relieved expression, and inhaled. And exhaled. And inhaled. And exhaled.  
  
And Sehun could hear every single breath.  
  
  


ϟ

  
  
  
By the end of the summer, Sehun had journeyed from the sand to the rocks to the tide pool so many times that the rocks no longer seemed dangerous, a field of opportunities to split his head open, but rather a little playground of pebbles to climb over. The tide pool no longer seemed far away, but rather someplace that was a little extension of the beach Sehun knew. And Jongdae no longer seemed someone new, but someone whose hand Sehun could recognize by just touch, whose smile Sehun could recognize anywhere, whose breath Sehun could hear even when they were apart.  
  
But it was the end of summer of course, and the night before his first day of classes, Sehun just sat restlessly on the couch, unable to fall asleep or do anything except think about the year ahead. His final year. The last year before anything or even nothing at all would come. In the darkness illuminated by just a single lamp, Sehun looked around his living room. He could just stay here, right? Stay in this house with the pictures cluttering the mantle that blocked the view of the little seashells and blue bottle that remained behind them.  
  
Sighing, Sehun threw a sweater over his head and left his house, shoving his hands in his pockets as he walked down the quiet avenues. A walk would clear his mind. At this time of the night, the usually blue view of the ocean melted into the dark night and blended in with the inky horizon, but Sehun turned away from the closed shops and walked down to the street that ran parallel with the sandy beach. If he wanted, he could just take a couple of steps and walk in the sand. And if he wanted, he could walk through the sand to reach the tide pool. But he couldn’t climb rocks in the dark, so Sehun kept walking ahead, keeping a close watch on how far he was walking before he saw a dark figure tread along the sand in the distance.  
  
What?  
  
Who was that?  
  
What was that?  
  
Sehun walked to the edge of the pavement, but was unwilling to go any further as he tried to get a better look at the shadowy figure. But soon the figure stopped in its tracks across the sand, Sehun couldn’t help but stop as well, his heart beginning to beat slightly faster. And soon the dark figure started moving towards Sehun, causing him to quickly start walking back, just start walking back. Sehun glanced nervously at the figure, and though he couldn’t see very well, at least this figure looked human and had human legs. But as the figure approached closer, Sehun stopped in his tracks again as alarm bells started ringing in his head.  
  
Because it was Jongdae.  
  
Jongdae with _legs_.  
  
Jongdae who was _naked_.  
  
_Alright._  
  
Sehun was grateful for the dark night and kept his eyes as far up Jongdae’s face as possible, his burning cheeks not doing anything to hide the fact he still caught a glimpse of Jongdae’s _very nice body_. Jongdae waved when he approached Sehun, and Sehun had so many questions, so many things to ask about how Jongdae had legs, what he was doing out here, but still all he could ask was this.  
  
“Hello, Jongdae. Aren’t you cold?” Sehun asked.  
  
Jongdae shook his head and raised his arm to pinch his skin to show Sehun. Maybe merpeople had thick skin?  
  
But still, Sehun quickly took off his sweater and carefully helped pull it over Jongdae’s head.  
  
“What are you doing out here?” Sehun asked, ignoring the sudden chill that he felt with the absence of his sweater.  
  
Jongdae placed the side of his hand to his forehead and turned his neck back and forth. Oh God. He was so cute.  
  
“You’re looking for something?” Sehun said as Jongdae nodded, “For what?”  
  
Jongdae emphatically pointed to his throat.  
  
“Oh, Jongdae,” Sehun said, “You’re looking for your voice?”  
  
Jongdae didn’t look grieved at the mention of his voice, but this time nodded determinedly.  
  
“Okay,” Sehun said before promising he would help Jongdae look for his voice even though he didn’t know how it could exist out of Jongdae’s body, where it could possible be, and what it even looked like. Because it was dark and Sehun didn’t want to lose Jongdae, he reached into the inky night, feeling for Jongdae’s hand and let their palms press together before their fingers folded into each other.  
  
Sehun walked around the sand with Jongdae that night, trying to look for anything out of the ordinary that could be Jongdae’s voice. Something shining, something blue, something that defied everything just like Jongdae did. Though after walking around for who knew how long, while neither found anything, Jongdae still persisted and continued looking further and further down the beach. But soon Sehun was sure they had almost walked to the outskirts of the city and began to worry.  
  
“Hey, Jongdae,” Sehun said, trying to keep the shakiness he felt out of his voice, “It’s kind of late now, and I don’t think I can walk any further. Can we go back? I’ll help you look for your voice tomorrow.”  
  
Jongdae stopped before turning to observe the way Sehun was breathing deeply and clasping his hand tightly before he smiled reassuringly and raised one finger in the air. Then slowly, Jongdae lifted his foot, placed it in front of him, and moved his other foot next to it and waited for Sehun to follow. When Sehun looked hesitant, Jongdae raised his finger again and pointed upwards.  
  
_One more step?_  
  
Okay.  
  
That wasn’t so hard.  
  
Sehun lifted his foot, placed it in front of him, and moved his other foot into place so that he stood next to Jongdae. Jongdae lowered his finger and flashed Sehun a thumbs up. It seemed that was universal everywhere.  
  
Jongdae then turned around and began walking back, all while Sehun cheerfully followed. Maybe all he would have to do was to take one step. Just one step. And then another. And then another until he was somewhere he thought he never could go.  
  
But soon, Jongdae stopped at a streetlight before releasing Sehun’s hand to wave.  
  
“Wait!” Sehun said, already missing the weight of Jongdae’s hand in his, “Do you want to come home with me? I can’t imagine it’d be very warm sleeping out here all the time…not that I know if you actually get cold or not. It’s not a very long walk there.”  
  
Jongdae thought for a moment before taking Sehun’s hand in his once again and nodding. Pleased, Sehun led the way through the streets back to his house, the sound of the perpetually crashing waves accompanying them home. When Sehun opened the front door and switched on the lights, Jongdae took a quick look around the living room before walking towards the couch. Running his hand over the soft surface of the stormy blue fabric, Jongdae touched the cushions before he hesitantly took a seat and pinched his thumb and second finger together as he moved his wrist in the air.  
  
And even though Sehun had to wake up early to attend his first classes tomorrow, there he was pulling out their notebook and a pencil, placing it in Jongdae’s hands before he turned on the lamp beside them. The light illuminated their expressions, casting a glow over the couch and the surrounding area, but only managed to touch the edges of the photographs that cluttered the mantle. The seashells and the bottle continued to hide in the darkness, the seashells looking more like shadows than shells, and the bottle looking more black than blue.  
  
_Merpeople have legs, too? Human legs?_ Sehun wrote before peering at Jongdae’s own legs beside them. Jongdae seemed taller in the water, but here on land, he was shorter than Sehun.  
  
_When merpeople are out of water, their gills disappear, and their tail dissolves to reveal human legs. Isn’t it convenient? But only a rare few of merpeople dare to leave the ocean to venture on land,_ Jongdae wrote in reply. Sehun wondered why he never saw any gills on the side of Jongdae’s neck…or wherever it was that merpeople’s gills were located. But he didn’t dwell too much on the question, as there were always a thousand more questions to ask after he asked just one, a thousand more things to say after he said just one sentence.  
  
_I have to wake up early to go to my first classes tomorrow, but I’ll leave some clothes out for you if you want to walk around the city. And just in case you’re cold…I guess merpeople don’t instantly grow clothes when they transform,_ Sehun wrote, already mentally sorting through his closet and deciding which of his clothes would fit Jongdae. But then he became distracted with the mental image of Jongdae in his oversized sweaters just like he was wearing right now, and Sehun was _suffering._  
  
_Thank you, Sehun! That’s why I’ve only been able to look for my voice during the nighttime. I think I’d scare more people if I casually walked around your beach,_ Jongdae wrote, his lips curling in amusement.  
  
_I mean…there are beaches where you can do that without any problems, but the one by my house isn’t a nude beach. But what do you mean looking for your voice?_ Sehun wrote. When Jongdae began to read Sehun’s writing, Sehun carefully observed Jongdae’s expression, hoping he wouldn’t trigger any unpleasant reminders or memories of his lost voice. But Jongdae seemed calm tonight, though he opened his mouth as if to say something before closing it when he remembered.  
  
_As part of ancient codes, merpeople uphold punishments seriously. They wouldn’t hesitate to execute those who commit the highest offenses, and the second most severe punishment after execution is to lose their voice,_ Jongdae wrote, his expression rapidly tightening as he thought of what had been done to him.  
  
Sehun didn’t want to ask what Jongdae had done to have his voice taken away. Not yet. Jongdae could tell him whenever he wanted, and it wasn’t his place to pry at obviously painful memories.  
  
_There is a way we can get your voice back, right? That’s why you were looking for it on the beach?_ Sehun asked.  
  
_Yes. A lost voice and the last thing a merperson says are sealed away in a bottle and thrown away, left to the mercy of the currents and waves. If a merperson who lost their voice finds their bottle unopened, they can open it themselves and their voice will be restored. But that’s rare since it could be anywhere, and most times humans open up the bottles they find themselves, which destroys the voice and makes it lost forever,_ Jongdae wrote.  
  
A bottle?  
  
Jongdae’s voice was lost, sealed away in the bottle?  
  
_I’ll help you look! You have to get your voice back! It’s got to be on this beach, right? Since you’ve been looking for so long here?_ Sehun excitedly wrote, relieved that there was a way Jongdae could regain his voice. Jongdae’s frustration and grief that Sehun had witnessed whenever he attempted to speak haunted him, and never again did he want to see Jongdae that sad. And though he was excited with this new knowledge, Sehun couldn’t help but let out a yawn.  
  
_I don’t really know if it’s here or not. But since I’m stranded here, I might as well look everywhere, right?_ Jongdae wrote, noticing Sehun’s tiredness and yawns that were increasing in frequency.  
  
_Stranded? You can’t go back to the ocean? Why?_ Sehun asked, yawning as he wondered if Jongdae was in exile.  
  
_Go to sleep, Sehun. You have classes tomorrow. I’ll tell you another time,_ Jongdae wrote before taking the notebook from Sehun so he could finally go to sleep. Sehun conceded as he sleepily led Jongdae to his room.  
  
“Sleep here. If you need me, I’ll be outside on the couch, okay?” Sehun finally spoke. But he felt Jongdae reach out to grab his hand, pulling him towards the bed. He didn’t need to even hear or see to understand what that meant.  
  
So that night, the two of them slept in the same bed together.  
  
And that night, their hands drifted together as they slept.  
  
And that night, although the ocean was miles away, Sehun still fell asleep to the sound of the rise and fall of a breath that sounded like soft waves.  
  
  


ϟ

  
  
  
Sehun awoke the next morning to the piercing sound of his alarm and the light of the sun gently streaming in from his wispy curtains. Cursing under his breath, Sehun blearily fumbled around his nightstand to shut off the alarm before Jongdae could wake up. But although he had turned it off, it was already too late. Jongdae yawned as he slowly sat up, awoken by the alarm. Sehun gazed at Jongdae and his tousled hair, sleepy eyes, and suddenly felt very awake.  
  
Jongdae smiled and mouthed something, but Sehun recognized and understood the words he mouthed.  
  
“Good morning to you, too, Jongdae,” Sehun smiled, “I’m heading off to classes now, but I’ll leave the back door open if you want to go in and out around the city. You can always come back here whenever you want.”  
  
Sehun turned to rummage in his closet for whatever he was going to wear today before he felt Jongdae slide himself under his outstretched arms. Nonchalantly, Jongdae looked through Sehun’s wardrobe, comfortably enjoying Sehun’s arms around him. Sehun froze but recovered quickly, letting Jongdae stay there as he continued to look for clothes. Jongdae picked out a blue t-shirt Sehun didn’t even know he had from somewhere deep in his closet and pressed it to Sehun’s chest.  
  
“For me?” Sehun asked, dropping the sweater he was originally going to wear. Jongdae nodded and pressed it tighter against his chest.  
  
Well. If Jongdae picked this shirt, then today was no longer going to be a sweater day.  
  
Sehun carefully placed the shirt on the foot of his bed before looking into his closet for any shirts Jongdae could wear.  
  
“Do you see anything you like?” Sehun asked. Jongdae peered at the shirts before plucking out a long-sleeved white shirt. Eagerly, Jongdae took off the sweater Sehun lent him to put on the shirt, and Sehun had to keep his eyes very much on Jongdae’s face because he had only lent Jongdae a sweater, nothing more, yesterday. And honestly when Jongdae finished pulling the shirt over himself, Sehun couldn’t help but grin at how cute Jongdae was. The sleeves of the shirt were too long, so as Jongdae waved his arms around, the fabric flapped around like the wings of a bird.  
  
“Do you want to cut the sleeves so you can use your hands better?” Sehun said, reaching on the top of his dresser to retrieve a pair of scissors. Jongdae nodded and took them, taking off his shirt as he began to cut the shirt. Sehun kept his eyes to himself and pulled out a pair of briefs and blue shorts for Jongdae before going to change.  
  
As he changed, Sehun began thinking that this blue that he wore that Jongdae picked out was familiar. Familiar but unfamiliar. It was a similar shade to Jongdae’s tail, yes, but what else…there was something else that was a blue similar to this. But when he walked back to check on how Jongdae was doing, all thoughts of that blue instantly vanished from his mind as he saw Jongdae.  
  
Jongdae had cut the sleeves not so that his wrists or even forearms could be seen, but rather so that _everything_ could be seen. He had transformed the long-sleeved shirt into a tank top that exposed the sides of his torso and his arms. His very _muscular_ arms. Jongdae finally noticed Sehun, his staring, and his blue shirt, flashed him a thumbs up.  
  
“Alright,” Sehun said, fumbling around his pockets for his car keys, “I’ve got to head to class now, but—”  
  
Jongdae clapped his hands together and quickly walked to Sehun’s side and looked expectantly at him before pointing at himself and then at Sehun.  
  
“Oh. did you want to come with me?” Sehun asked, “I’m not sure if you’ll find it interesting, but you can come if you’d like.”  
  
Jongdae nodded and held Sehun’s hand as they walked to the car. Sehun was glad he was proficient in using both hands as he effortlessly closed the door with his left hand, locking away the blue walls of the living room, the soft couch, the mantle above the fireplace with the pictures, the sea shells, the shining blue. But after Sehun helped Jongdae buckle in, Jongdae had wanted to hold his hand again.  
  
“Jongdae, I need both hands to drive, but you can hold my hand after, okay?” Sehun said even though he would have loved nothing more than to hold Jongdae’s hand as often as he wanted. Jongdae pouted, but conceded as he released Sehun’s hand before placing it on Sehun’s thigh. Alright. It was just his thigh. Sehun could still drive safely with Jongdae’s hand there.  
  
When they finally reached campus, Sehun couldn’t help but admire how unafraid Jongdae was. The large, stone buildings where countless students passed in and out of, the grassy fields where others lay down and relaxed under the sun, the giant sundial where people were playing catch over must have been so jarringly different than the ocean that Jongdae was used to, but Jongdae looked at everything with wonder. Most of the time, he even led the way, walking forward as he held Sehun’s hand and gently tugged him to follow to wherever he wanted to go, wherever Sehun’s classes were. And in class, Sehun and Jongdae sat in the back of the lecture halls. It was lucky that the professors didn’t bother checking attendance since there were too many students. While Sehun got distracted a couple of times since it was only syllabus week, Jongdae paid close attention and mouthed everything the professors spoke.  
  
At lunch, Sehun was about to lead Jongdae to somewhere quiet they could sit and eat, but voices interrupted them.  
  
“Sehun!” echoed a voice down the hallway, “Who’s this?”  
  
“Why haven’t you said anything to us? I thought we were friends, Sehun,” a different voice spoke.  
  
Sehun turned to see Jongin and Soojung holding hands in a way very similarly to the way he and Jongdae were holding hands and sighed.  
  
“Jongin, Soojung…this is Jongdae. Jongdae, this is Jongin and Soojung who I’ve told you about,” Sehun said. Jongdae tightened his grip on his hand as he looked towards Sehun with a brief look of panic before he tried to smile at Jongin and Soojung.  
  
“Jongdae your friend, or…? You didn’t specify, Sehun,” Jongin teased.  
  
“Jongdae,” Sehun said, “This is Jongdae.”  
  
“It’s nice to meet you, Jongdae. I suppose you’re the one that’s talked Sehun out of suffocating himself in sweaters when it’s hot outside, right? I like you already,” Soojung smiled.  
  
That lunch they ate together, sitting on the grass as Jongdae pulled out his notebook to speak. Jongin and Soojung didn’t act any differently after Sehun explained, and while Soojung was prepared to converse in sign language, Jongdae stared blankly at her hand movements before Sehun intervened and hastily said that Jongdae knew a different dialect of sign language that wasn’t taught often. But nonetheless, Sehun was glad Jongin and Soojung were understanding and even wrote in the notebook when they wanted to speak.  
  
And soon, though it was silent, the sound of the pencil scratching against paper echoed through the air, the four of them enjoying themselves even though they were silent. Anyone watching them from across the lawn must have thought that they were practicing some performance art about silence, but to them, they were simply having a regular conversation together.  
  
_Did Sehun ever tell you he lives literally seven minutes from the beach, but it takes us, his best friends, to drag him out there? Can you believe he won’t go by himself?_ Jongin joked.  
  
_Yes, we’ve walked from the beach to his house! And really? He always comes alone when he visits me. Are you sure?_ Jongdae wrote, and Sehun could feel his cheeks reddening. Jongin and Soojung exchanged a knowing look as they read what Jongdae wrote.  
  
_Sehun’s never told us he visits you at the beach_ , Soojung began to write, _How come he hasn’t introduced us sooner? We’d tell you lots of stories about him._  
  
_Well, you’re here now. And I’m here, so it’s all good. You both remind me of some my friends_ , Jongdae smiled.  
  
_Well we’re lucky Sehun finally decided to introduce you to us. You’re amazing, and it’s fun talking to you_ , Jongin wrote back. Sehun was honestly glad none of them had disastrous handwriting because it would’ve taken even longer to decipher what they wrote if they wrote messily. But he watched Jongdae’s expression as he read Jongin’s message, his eyes brightening as he read the word talking. See? Voice or no voice, Jongdae was still heard.  
  
_Speaking of stories…Did Sehun ever tell you about the time that he_ — Jongin began to write before Sehun snatched the pencil out of his grasp. He just _knew_ it wouldn’t be anything good. But Jongin pulled out a pen and began to try and write on the paper as Sehun blocked his attempts.  
  
_What?_ Jongdae wrote as he plucked the pencil out of Sehun’s grasp. _What time?_  
  
Jongin tried his best to not blurt out what he meant to say and tried to press his lips together to prevent an audible giggle from bursting through. Soojung sighed as she gently took the pencil from Jongdae and began to finish what Jongin wanted to write. Or at least finish the sentiment.  
  
_Did Sehun ever tell you about the time that_ –  
  
But Sehun looked away from the notebook, not wanting to hear what Soojung had to say about him. But he looked back when he saw Jongdae reply to her.  
  
_No, but he told me about the time you baked pomegranate cupcakes and he and Jongin ate them all since they wanted you to be happy even though they felt sick afterwards,_ Jongdae cheekily wrote back. Soojung shot Jongin and Sehun a glare before patiently writing back to Jongdae.  
  
_I can bake you cupcakes sometime, Jongdae. I promise I’ve been practicing despite what Sehun might say,_ Soojung wrote. Briefly Sehun remembered the last time Soojung had asked Jongin and him to try a soufflé she had baked. Not so briefly he remembered the amount of effort required to smile and eat the whole thing after she had excitedly asked them how they liked it.  
  
_Oh really? Thank you! I’ve never eaten a cupcake before. I’m curious about how they’d taste,_ Jongdae wrote.  
  
“Sehun,” Soojung looked up, shocked after she finished reading, “What type of a friend are you? Go buy him a cupcake.”  
  
“Okay, okay I will!” Sehun promised, “I just have to go to my discussion section and then afterwards…afterwards if he wants.”  
  
“Wait, you’re not going to the grad school information session then?” Jongin asked, “It’s supposed to start in an hour.”  
  
“Well I have class, so…” Sehun shrugged.  
  
“It’s only the first day of class, Sehun. It’d be okay if you skipped, right? Come with us,” Soojung said.  
  
“As much as I would love to skip the introductions,” Sehun began to say, “What am I supposed to do when attendance is mandatory?”  
  
Jongdae watched them silently, edging closer to Sehun as his shoulders sank in defeat. He opened his mouth, wanting so badly to join the conversation, but closed it when he remembered he could not.  
  
“Can’t you email the TA and explain to them that this is important, too?” Jongin asked.  
  
“I can’t. It’s too last minute,” Sehun said, suddenly feeling Jongdae press his head to his shoulder. Not wanting Jongdae to feel alone, Sehun quickly slipped a hand around Jongdae’s shoulder and rubbed it gently.  
  
“Alright, Sehun,” Soojung said, her gaze trailing from Sehun to where his arm rested.  
  
“Alright, Sehun,” Jongin said, the tone of his voice shifting from one of concernedness to one of amusement.  
  
“Pick up some pamphlets for me or something, yeah? Good talk,” Sehun said before picking up the pencil. Jongdae perked up and looked downwards at what he wrote.  
  
_Jongdae, I’ve got one more class today, but it’s a small discussion section, so I think the TA would notice if you’re there. You’re welcome to look around until I’m done or stay with Jongin and Soojung?_ Sehun wrote with his free hand.  
  
_We can show you around if you want, Jongdae,_ Jongin plucked the pencil from Sehun’s fingers and wrote.  
  
_I bet he didn’t even show you the aquarium we have on campus,_ Soojung wrote afterwards.  
  
_Aquarium?_ Jongdae quickly wrote before looking up interestedly.  
  
_Why don’t you go with them? I’ll be in this building, and I’ll be done in two hours,_ Sehun wrote before pointing at a tall building across the lawn. Jongdae looked at the stone building before he nodded.  
  
When Sehun left after lunch to attend his class, it felt a little harder to let go of Jongdae’s hand as he parted. And for the next two hours, he tried to concentrate. He really did. But he found himself imagining Jongdae smiling at the little fish they kept at the aquarium. Would he try to dive into the tanks to swim with them? Sehun chuckled out loud before remembering where he was and tried to pass it off as a cough. The TA looked at him for a moment before continuing to speak about the demands of the class and called people out to read the syllabus. Of course they still read the syllabus out loud together no matter how many years of education they finished.  
  
After class, Sehun tiredly trudged out with the rest of his classmates as his TA reminded them that their professor was looking for students to assist him with his research next year. As he walked out of the building, he saw Jongdae waiting in the shade alone. Suddenly feeling energized, Sehun jogged from the steps of the building, grinning as Jongdae caught sight of him and jumped up and down in excitement.  
  
“Let’s go home? It’s been a long day,” Sehun said, stretching out his hand to find Jongdae’s.  
  
But as much as he would have liked Jongdae to stay over today and the next and the next, as soon as they drove back to Sehun’s house, Jongdae lifted out the notebook and began to write after Sehun invited him back in again.  
  
_It’s not good for merpeople to stay away from the ocean. I think I have to go back, but maybe I can spend one day there and one day here?_ Jongdae wrote before looking up hopefully at Sehun.  
  
_Of course. Come find me here anytime, Jongdae. I’ll walk you back, okay?_ Sehun wrote.  
  
And so that day, Sehun walked through the avenues of the beach city, through the sand of the beach, though this time, he was not bothered as much when he looked back and saw the city line receding from his view because Jongdae was here. Jongdae was here, so Sehun clasped his hand as tightly as Jongdae clasped his, the both of them anchoring each other to wherever they continuously moved towards.  
  
And this time, Sehun moved even slower across the rocks that led to the tide pool because he stopped occasionally to make sure Jongdae didn’t stumble or fall. But when they finally reached their tide pool, Jongdae stripped himself of the clothes he borrowed from Sehun and placed them onto the rock before he carefully lowered himself in the pool, making sure to keep his upper torso above the water. Even after all this time, Sehun questioned if all merpeople had gills…because where were Jongdae’s? He also wondered why it was taking so long for Jongdae to change back because he could still see Jongdae’s legs in the dark water.  
  
Jongdae must have noticed Sehun’s confused expression because he swam closer to the rock before opening the notebook and taking out the pencil to write.  
  
_The longer a merperson is out of the water, the longer it takes for them to change back_ , Jongdae wrote.  
  
_Oh! Sorry if yesterday and today made it harder for you to change back_ Sehun wrote, glancing at the water. Jongdae still had legs.  
  
_Don’t be, Sehun. I wanted to go with you, and besides. It’s been taking longer and longer to transform back and forth since I’ve had to leave. Since I was stranded here. It used to only take me seconds,_ Jongdae wrote.  
  
Sehun hesitated before writing his next question.  
  
_Why did you have to leave? Why did you lose your voice?_  
  
He was prepared to cross out the question and hastily write that it was alright, he didn’t need answers Jongdae didn’t want to give because Jongdae looked pensive, not exactly as distressed as he had looked whenever his voice was mentioned, but still a little troubled. However, Jongdae took the pencil with steady fingers and began to write.  
  
_I told you before that merpeople lose their voices as a punishment, right?_ Jongdae wrote before looking at Sehun. And after Sehun nodded, Jongdae turned his attention back to his words. _Well, I was punished for actions that were not my own._  
  
Sehun immediately turned and looked at Jongdae questioningly, shock seeping into his features. But how was that fair? If Jongdae hadn’t done anything, then why? Jongdae observed the looks Sehun gave him and understood what he should say next.  
  
_Family ties are important in merpeople culture. Perhaps even more so than in human culture. Even if you don’t personally care for or know all the members of your family, it is your duty to fight for them, to kill for them, to avenge them if someone is murdered. And if one is punished, then all is punished. My brother lost his voice and then his life. I think I was lucky to escape before they could take anything else aside from my voice._  
  
His brother? Jongdae had a brother? Sehun had so many questions. What had Jongdae’s brother done? Why did he have to die? What had happened? But instead, he chose to ask this.  
  
_I’m sorry, Jongdae. I’m so sorry you lost your brother. What was his name?_  
  
And Jongdae took a deep breath and exhaled, breaking the silence with that little sound before he wrote.  
  
_Jongdeok. His name was Jongdeok, and he lead and crafted the revolution that sought to overthrow the queen. He grew too powerful, and more and more merpeople began to prefer him to our queen who grew dissatisfied and upset with the dissent. So she had him captured. Then she punished him, those who were heavily involved with the revolution, and me. We lost our voices, but he lost his life. It was lucky my grandparents had long left to Australia to help conserve the Great Barrier Reef. I wonder if they know._  
  
That was it.  
  
That was absolutely _it_.  
  
Never mind that Sehun was already a little cold from his lack of a sweater. Never mind that this pool had an endlessly deep bottom that Sehun didn’t know where it ended. Because there he was, diving in and reaching through the cold water and kicking to stay afloat as his hands, his arms, his heart found Jongdae. And when he felt Jongdae, he clung onto him, holding him as he rubbed his shoulders and buried his head into the crook of Jongdae’s neck to offer him comfort.  
  
Sehun didn’t hear any change in Jongdae’s breathing, so whether or not he was crying, Sehun didn’t know because he kept his eyes on the view behind them, the sight of the setting sun on the verge of drowning in the distant waves. Jongdae seemed to appreciate the comfort anyways, as he held Sehun back. But Sehun still could not adjust to the cold temperature of the seawater fast enough. His teeth chattered, his shoulders shook, feeling a little overwhelmed as it was beginning to be a little hard to stay afloat. The coldness of the water made Sehun briefly wonder if it was possible to get hypothermia after five minutes in cold water. Because it was so cold…  
  
But soon, something nudged Sehun’s legs, pushing them up horizontally to help him float on the surface of the water. Soon, Jongdae smiled at Sehun, placed an arm under his legs, and another arm under his neck to support his head and raise it above the water. Sehun took a second to look in the water before he looked back at Jongdae in something between wonder and fondness. Jongdae’s lips moved for a few seconds, and though neither of them could hear what was spoken, Jongdae still smiled, and Sehun still understood.  
  
_It’s okay. I’m here._  
  
Though the sun was beginning to set, from the remaining rays of light, Sehun could still see it…see it shimmering a beautiful blue under the water from beneath him.  
  
Jongdae’s tail.  
  
  


ϟ

  
  
  
Jongdae spent every other day on land, sleeping over at Sehun’s house at night, and going with him to classes in the morning before returning to his tide pool in the evening and waiting for Sehun to come find him later. Sehun didn’t know how this was affecting his ability to transform back and forth, but if it bothered Jongdae, he never said anything. So Sehun remained silent, too, especially since he had grown more and more used to Jongdae staying with him. Jongdae seemed to enjoy spending time at the university as well, as he often attended lectures with Sehun, visited the university aquarium, and walked around while he waited for Sehun to finish up his smaller classes.  
  
Jongdae also enjoyed the company of Jongin and Soojung. Sometimes when Sehun walked out of his classes and found Jongin and Soojung hiding their laughter between hands as they saw him approach, he could only guess what type of stories they had told. But Jongdae still smiled at him the same, held his hand the same, so Sehun supposed it wasn’t anything too bad.  
  
And while Sehun still hated the beach, if Jongdae wanted to sit in the sand and watch the waves kiss the shore again and again, watch the sun set in the horizon as the blue sky melted away, watch the little sails of the boats that looked like nothing but small triangles in the distance, then to the beach Sehun would go anytime. For Jongdae, he’d stay at the beach as long as Jongdae wanted. For Jongdae, Sehun began to realize, he would go anywhere, and that mildly terrified him.  
  
But it wasn’t all that bad.  
  
Some days, like today, they would stay by the avenues, rest by the cafés, and relax together while the cry of the seagulls and the fading waves echoed in the distance.  
  
“How is it?” Sehun asked as they sat outside the beach bakery, “How is your first cupcake?”  
  
Jongdae looked at the cupcake Sehun had bought him curiously, holding it up as he turned it around before picking up the pencil to write in the notebook that lay on the table between them.  
  
_It’s pretty! How did they make it so blue?_ Jongdae wrote, looking up after he finished to gaze at the blue frosting on top of the cupcake.  
  
_It’s only food coloring. But this blue isn’t as beautiful as your blue, of course,_ Sehun wrote. Jongdae looked up at him amusedly after he finished reading and lifted the cupcake up to his lips, cautiously taking a bite. His eyes widened as he slowly savored the sweet taste.  
  
_This blue tastes so sweet! Do all blue human foods taste like this?_ Jongdae quickly wrote before taking another bite of the cupcake, a little bit of frosting smearing onto the side of his lips.  
  
Sehun thought of more blue foods that existed, and most did use food coloring, but there were blueberries, blue ice cream, blue pastries, blue candies…Most blue things were sweet.  
  
_Yeah most of them. I’ll show you more blue foods whenever we see them, okay? But I’m glad you like this cupcake. Is there anything like this in the ocean?_ Sehun wrote.  
  
Jongdae thought for a moment, setting down his half-eaten cupcake as he remembered the ocean he had to leave.  
  
_In some ways, yes, but the blue creatures we eat don’t taste like this. But there are sea dragons who are so vibrantly blue they look like they’re shining, octopi with blue spots that disappear if you scare them, velella that look like blue glass and float on the surface of the sea. One day if I can, I’d like to show you all of them_ , Jongdae said, looking wistfully away from the land to the shore where the ocean rose into the sky while he dropped the pencil onto the table to tighten his fists together.  
  
_I’ve already seen you and your blue tail, so the ocean is already ruined for me. Anything else after that will never be as beautiful as you,_ Sehun wrote, focusing on Jongdae who he knew instead of the creatures he didn’t know from the ocean and its bottomless, endless depths. And besides, it was easier to write honest sentiments than to say them out loud, and Sehun fought to keep his expression calm as he waited for Jongdae to read his message. Jongdae looked up with a wide grin, his shoulders shaking as he placed a hand over his mouth. Amazing. He was laughing at him again, wasn’t he?  
  
_Oh, Sehun. I’ve been away from the ocean for almost a year now, but I’m glad I found you here,_ Jongdae wrote. Sehun kept his eyes on the page, tracing the familiar handwriting as he read the message over and over and over again. Oh. Oh. There was absolutely nothing Sehun could do to stop the wide grin from stretching across his lips, his eyes from forming fond crescents, his hand from reaching out to Jongdae before taking with his other hand the pencil to write.  
  
_Oh, Jongdae. I’m usually not comfortable with things I don’t know, things that are unfamiliar, but you make me want to take an extra step outside of this city. Two steps even. That’s a lot for me,_ Sehun wrote. In Jongdae, Sehun saw both familiarity and unfamiliarity. He knew Jongdae’s smile and how his skin felt. But he didn’t know much about Jongdae’s tail, Jongdae from the sea, Jongdae the merman. And that was okay. There were some things perhaps he would never know, or at least not know yet, but he knew enough about Jongdae. He knew that Jongdae loved blue, he loved singing, he was stranded away from the ocean, and he so desperately wanted his voice back. And sometimes Sehun would have to take a plunge, to dive deep even when he didn’t know where he was going. But this was Jongdae, right here, right in front of him smiling at him so contentedly as if he had his voice back, so this was Sehun smiling back at him so calmly as if he wasn’t afraid of anything at all.  
  
_Then can you do something for yourself? Something small? Maybe start thinking about what you want to do after graduation? Jongin and Soojung swear it’s important, and the people who talked about grad school said it was important, too. Here. I took notes for you from that day,_ Jongdae said before flipping back a couple of pages. And Sehun was stunned as he skimmed and quickly flipped through the pages and pages of notes Jongdae took for him.  
  
_You took notes for me? Thank you, Jongdae…Then I’ll do it for you,_ Sehun wrote back with trembling fingers. His future…he could think about his future. Especially if he wanted Jongdae there today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and every day after that.  
  
But Jongdae was right in front of him right now, so Sehun turned the pages so he could resume their conversation. He could read those notes later.  
  
And later that night, Sehun lay in bed while flipping through their notebook, and after reading and rereading their conversations, he decided enough was enough. Jongdae had taken the time to write down every single thing that was said at the information session for him, so the least he could do was read through it. And it wasn’t so bad. Jongdae had written him little notes in the corners that Sehun couldn’t help but smile at even though he was reading about something that his future rested on.  
  
_Look at these dates! Look at them, Sehun! Don’t forget all the paperwork is due for most schools during this time, okay?  
  
Sehun, this person reminds me of this one octopus. Not in the good way.  
  
Jongin and Soojung are holding hands again. They do that a lot. They like each other, right? They’re holding hands the way we do! Except they swing their hands more than us. You’d think that some strong sea breeze was blowing their hands around.  
  
Hey, you’ll give this a thought, right? I don’t know what you want to do after you graduate, but I know you, so I know anything you do will be great!  
  
This person says only the best get into the best graduate schools, but don’t worry! You’re great, Sehun! The best!_  
  
Ah fuck.  
  
Jongdae was so cute, and Sehun knew exactly what the fondness crashing over him again and again was, and he knew exactly the reason he began to smile so brightly. He knew exactly what this was, but he didn’t fight it. He did nothing, did not wade through the feelings to figure them out, did nothing to avoid the deluge of sentiments from raining upon him, but just lay in his bed and grinned to himself as he thought not of anything related to graduation, but rather just one specific smile, one specific shade of blue, one specific name. The future could wait.  
  
But it could not wait long enough, as with Jongdae’s help and insistence, Sehun timidly asked for recommendations from his professors he worked well with before, researched different graduate schools, jobs, and generally just tried. He tried. He did. Sometimes it was easier to just push the future aside and hope everything would fall into place with time, but Jongin and Soojung were right. Jongdae was right. So when he saw emails pop up in his inbox that looked important, he clicked on them and took a deep breath before reading them. And when Jongdae brought in the mail whenever he was over at Sehun’s house, he silently opened and read them.  
  
“I don’t understand why they insist on sending so many flyers and brochures,” Sehun said as Jongdae dumped a pile of letters on the couch beside him, “How many trees are dead because of these universities?”  
  
Jongdae threw him a look before placing the letters in Sehun’s lap.  
  
“I know, I know,” Sehun sighed before pulling the first one open, “I’ll look at them.”  
  
Jongdae sat beside him and watched, making sure Sehun ripped open the first letter and read through it properly.  
  
“This school’s been sending me letters and emails,” Sehun said, “Maybe they really want me there.”  
  
Jongdae looked at him before pulling out their notebook.  
  
_Is it a good place?_  
  
“I guess,” Sehun shrugged, “It’s one of the best schools on this side of this country. It’s far though. I’d have to move.”  
  
He’d have to move, to leave what he knew…  
  
_It looks like it’s near the ocean, too. I can easily follow if you go here!_ Jongdae excitedly wrote as he glanced at the brochure.  
  
Sehun considered his options. If he applied, if they accepted him, and if he actually went, he would be less scared, less nervous if Jongdae was with him. Everything was easier when Jongdae was with him.  
  
_I would like that, Jongdae. I guess the least I can do is apply, right?_ Sehun said. It was good to have multiple choices no matter what he chose to do in the end.  
  
Jongdae nodded excitedly and offered Sehun a thumbs up.  
  
Sehun flipped through the next letters, dividing advertisements from important papers until Jongdae pulled the next flyer out of his hands and stared at it before quickly jabbing the paper over and over again and he looked at Sehun with urgency.  
  
“What is it?” Sehun asked as he looked at the paper. It was a little advertisement for an antique store by the beach next to the bakery that sold odd trinkets. Behind the text that listed the address was a picture of the store. Dried starfish were placed on a table in the front, and shells placed in vases stood behind empty photo frames. But that wasn’t what Jongdae was pointing at.  
  
Because behind the table, behind the frames, behind the starfish were shelves and shelves and shelves full of _bottles_.  
  
Sehun didn’t think he could wait that long to write down everything he wanted to say, so he just let the words tumble out of his mouth, audibly voicing the excitement and hope that Jongdae felt.  
  
“ _Jongdae_ ,” Sehun shouted, “The bottles! What if your bottle is there? Oh my _god_!”  
  
Jongdae stood up and jumped up and down, his mouth moving, saying things Sehun could not hear, but still understood.  
  
“If we hurry, we might be able to catch them before closing time! Let’s go!” Sehun said, grabbing Jongdae’s hand as they rushed out the door, though remembering to lock the living room, the flowing curtains, the mantle with the photographs and the shells and the flash of blue behind them.  
  
So there Sehun was again, rushing through the sandy avenues as the ocean wind screamed at him. Neither of them said anything, but Sehun could feel the hope, the excitement, the anticipation radiating off of Jongdae as they passed by the surf shop, the fish shop, and finally reached the shop.  
  
Jongdae lead the way as soon as they reached the store, glancing once at the table in front with the recognizable starfish. The store clerk, clearly preparing to close up for the day, looked up in surprise as they walked in.  
  
“Can I help you?” she asked.  
  
Neither of them said anything, but as soon as Jongdae found the row of shelves near the back, his expression fell. There were bottles there all right, but only some were colored while the others were clear. Jongdae breathed deeply, shakily, and grasped Sehun’s hand tightly before his expression hardened and before he glared at the store clerk as his lips rapidly moved and his neck strained.  
  
Sehun looked at Jongdae’s lips, the anger on his face, and while he couldn’t make out the exact words Jongdae was shouting, he tried to make sense of it.  
  
“Is your friend okay?” the store clerk asked cautiously.  
  
“He just wants to know where you got these bottles?” Sehun asked. Beside him Jongdae continued screaming, shouting, but his words fell unheard, and his voice remained silent.  
  
“Oh,” the store clerk began to say, “My boss likes walking along the beach to look for random things he can sell here. Most of the stuff is just plain trash, but he’s found these odd, colored bottles around. They’re probably leftover from some kid’s scavenger hunt party because who actually puts messages in bottles these days?”  
  
“I see,” Sehun said, “And what’s the difference between the clear bottles and the colored bottles?”  
  
“I don’t know how they do that, if there’s some chemical in them, but the clear bottles are the ones that have been opened.”  
  
Suddenly Jongdae’s screaming made sense.  
  
Suddenly, Sehun could feel himself balling up his free fist, but unlike Jongdae, he calmly spoke.  
  
“You never thought of what would happen when you opened it? You can’t just open it,” Sehun said, struggling to keep his voice level.  
  
“Why does it matter? It’s just a bottle,” the clerk shrugged, “but if you want to talk to my boss, he’s opening the store tomorrow.”  
  
Sehun took one final look at the bottles. It was impossible to distinguish the clear bottles from each other since the messages had been taken out, but could any of the colored ones be Jongdae’s?  
  
“Do you recognize any of them?” Sehun asked.  
  
Jongdae turned, his mouth finally closing as he looked at Sehun with such a defeated expression on his head as he shook his head. With that, Sehun lead Jongdae out of the store, leaving behind a bewildered clerk and the shelves of merpeople voices found and lost.  
  
Outside, Sehun realized they had forgotten the notebook, so Jongdae couldn’t respond. As they walked together, not really knowing where to go but somehow ending at the beach once again, Sehun talked to fill the silence, and Jongdae nodded or shook his head in reply.  
  
“Don’t worry,” Sehun said as they sat on the sand, “I’m sure the clear bottles in there weren’t yours. Your voice is somewhere still out there. I know it. You’ll get it back.”  
  
Jongdae turned to look at him, and from the dim lighting of the faraway streetlights, Sehun could see Jongdae’s eyebrows scrunch together, as if to say… _How do you know?_  
  
“I don’t know for sure,” Sehun admitted, “But until we know for sure, then your voice could be lost or not. I choose to believe it’s still out there.”  
  
Jongdae sighed and nodded once.  
  
“Although isn’t it a bit cruel to have the merperson whose voice is going to be lost write down their last message? Before sealing it in the bottle away with their voice?” Sehun continued talking, “Losing one’s voice must be hard enough, but making them think of their last words to say?”  
  
Beside him, Jongdae could only nod to respond, unable to say anything or communicate anything else.  
  
But Sehun stopped talking, started remembering.  
  
Because…  
  
He started to think that there was a reason why Jongdae’s handwriting was both familiar and unfamiliar when he first saw Jongdae write, and it wasn’t because it was Jongdae’s own writing. And maybe it was his fault for forgetting such a simple thing before he had met Jongdae.  
  
He didn’t know for _sure_ , but it was something.  
  
Without taking the time to explain himself, Sehun stood up, reached a hand out to Jongdae as he urgently shouted.  
  
“Jongdae…. _Jongdae_ We have to _go_ ,” Sehun said, jumping up and down impatiently as Jongdae slowly stretched out his arm. Jongdae seemed sullen, exhausted after they visited the antique shop, but was curious by Sehun’s energy and used Sehun’s arm to pull himself up.  
  
“Let’s go,” Sehun shouted, his voice echoing above the crash of the waves and the night breeze, and soon they were running out of the beach, but Sehun didn’t mind the sand filling inside his shoes right now, didn’t mind the chill of the wind as it blew against him because they had to _go_.  
  
Up those avenues, up those streets they ran again, and with every step Sehun took, he became more and more convinced that this was _it_.  
  
When they finally reached the house, Sehun stumbled inside, not even taking a moment to breathe as he staggered towards the couch to push aside the letters and pull out the notebook that they had left behind. Not thinking he had the time to write, Sehun opened the notebook while Jongdae sat on the couch and looked at him curiously, waiting for him to explain himself.  
  
“You said…you said you told me before that a message in a bottle is the last words a merperson says before they lose their voice, right?” Sehun asked, gesticulating to emphasize the urgency of his question. “What was yours?”  
  
Jongdae looked wistful before he slowly wrote it down.  
  
Sehun held his breath as he turned the notebook upside down to look at it, and when he read those words, looked at that handwriting, that was it.  
  
This was it.  
  
Sehun’s hands were shaking as he strode to the mantle, moved aside the clutter, gently placed the photographs on the floor, and pushed aside the shells to reach it. The thing he had been looking for.  
  
The bottle.  
  
Sehun reached out and held the blue bottle in his hands, realizing only now that the reason why Jongdae’s tail had seemed such a familiar shade of blue was because it was the exact same shade of this bottle. Jongdae could have avoided perhaps months without a voice had Sehun remembered, but that didn’t matter now. The bottle was here, Jongdae was here, so there wasn’t anything else to do except return it.  
  
Sehun took a deep breath and slowly turned around before holding the bottle out and placing it into Jongdae’s lap.  
  
Jongdae gasped, and with trembling hands, picked up the bottle, holding it to the light as he turned it around and around and around, looking at it as if he couldn’t believe this was really it, as if he couldn’t believe all this time he had been searching for it and all this time it had been here, here in this house, here with Sehun.  
  
“What are you waiting for?” Sehun softly asked, “That’s yours isn’t it? Your voice?”  
  
Jongdae’s shoulders began shaking, and within moments, tears began to fall down his cheeks as he slowly pulled the cork out of the blue bottle. Sehun bent down to gently wipe his tears, and when he looked down again, the blue of the bottle had faded lighter and lighter until it became clear.  
  
“Did it work?” Sehun asked, looking at Jongdae before leaning in again to wipe a stray tear that had escaped and fallen onto Jongdae’s cheek.  
  
Jongdae let out a shaky breath and smiled before he threw himself into Sehun’s arms.  
  
“Sehun,” Jongdae said so clearly that Sehun felt like his heart had stopped, like somehow the sea itself was right here drowning him with the bluest waves and the bluest sentiments and the bluest, most beautiful of smiles, and like he knew for the first time what he wanted in the future. Who he wanted in his future.  
  
“Thank you.”  



	2. Chapter 2

Suddenly Sehun was reeling, absolutely and completely overwhelmed. Nothing could have prepared him for the sound of Jongdae’s voice, spoken out loud, heard at last, and his hands were reaching, reaching out as they gently touched the sides of Jongdae’s face. He didn’t trust himself to say anything, so he said nothing. Jongdae himself could only breathe, a devastatingly ecstatic smile illuminating his features as he raised his hands to place on top of Sehun’s hands. That was all he could do before his shoulders began to shake and he began to cry once again. 

Jongdae cried loudly, not bothering to stifle his tears, press his lips together, repress any of his sobs, and to Sehun, it had never felt so good to hear someone cry. Jongdae’s tears were contagious, it seemed, and Sehun was so genuinely happy for Jongdae that his arms moved of their own accord, embracing Jongdae tightly as he, too, cried. Some people when comforting crying loved ones would say some variation between _it’s going to be okay and don’t cry_. But things had just become more than okay, and Sehun didn’t want to quiet Jongdae when he could finally be audibly heard. 

“Let it all out, Jongdae. Keep crying,” Sehun said instead, one of his hands reaching upwards to cradle Jongdae’s head to his chest as his other arm curled around Jongdae’s shoulders. 

They stayed like that for the longest time until Jongdae’s shoulders had stopped shaking and he was ready to use his voice again and say all the things he wanted to say when he could not, sing all the songs he wanted to sing when he could not. 

So Jongdae opened his mouth, took a deep breath, and sang so loudly and clearly that Sehun could feel every single note and melody reverberate in his heart. While Jongdae’s fallen tears still remained and dampened his cheeks, there was only a brilliant grin now as he sang.

As Sehun watched Jongdae sing his heart out, dropping to his knees in complete awe, the only thing he could think was that no wonder there were so many stories of dazed sailors crashing their ships on rocks after being distracted by the singing of merpeople and sirens. Because Jongdae’s singing was _beautiful_ , and for hours, Sehun could only sit and watch as Jongdae sang all the songs he wanted so desperately to sing, all the music that was stuck in his head for the past year. 

Jongdae seemed so incredibly alive in this moment, and tail or no tail, legs or no legs, Sehun honestly wondered how Jongdae, this mesmerizing being, could be real…could be _here_ in front of him. When he failed to find any answers, he simply thought that he was so lucky to be alive at the same time as Jongdae then. 

For hours, Jongdae continued to sing without growing tired or without growing softer at any time at all. No neighbors complained about the volume, but Sehun would’ve told them to fuck off anyways if they did. When Jongdae finally stopped singing with a sigh, he turned to give Sehun a sweet smile and leaned over to touch Sehun’s cheek once before letting his hand fall. That was no matter because Sehun was already there, ready to catch Jongdae’s hand and slide his fingers through his. 

“Sehun,” Jongdae said again, and honestly Sehun didn’t know if he’d ever be able to get over how wonderful the sound of Jongdae’s voice was because every time he heard it, he was overwhelmed. “Now I can finally tell you out loud that I think you’re stunning.” 

To his credit, Sehun didn’t bury his face in his hands to hide his increasingly burning face, and somehow, he managed to respond. 

“Jongdae,” Sehun tried to say as calmly as possible even though his heart had already fucked off and betrayed him as it began to beat faster and faster and faster. “Somehow seeing those words written and now heard out loud never fail to make me so incredibly… _flustered_. How can you say it so easily?”

“Because it’s true and because it’s what I know. But now we don’t need any more pencils to talk. I can just say what I want to say, you don’t have to wait for me to finish writing, and I don’t have to wait for you to finish reading,” Jongdae smiled.

“I didn’t think you’d know my language. Do merpeople speak the same languages as we do?” Sehun asked at last. 

“We can,” Jongdae began to say, “But human languages aren’t our native language. Those who are curious about passing ships pick up human languages easier than others since they can listen in on heard conversations, but generally most know quite a few human languages.”

“Then what does your language sound like?” Sehun asked. 

Jongin was silent for a moment before speaking thoughtfully.

“Underwater we can’t effectively communicate verbally, so our native language isn’t spoken, but rather expressed with our body. Sometimes when you have your discussion classes, I’ve sat and watched Jongin practice his dancing. Our language resembles his movements except everything’s underwater,” Jongdae said.

“That sounds beautiful, Jongdae,” Sehun said, already picturing merpeople swirling around gracefully in the water as their hair fanned around them. 

“But we do have air chambers and caves to speak in, too. And of course to sing,” Jongdae said, “Singing means so much to my people. So when our current queen banned singing a little over a year ago, there was a lot of dissent and protest.”

 

“That’s awful,” Sehun said, “Why did she have to ban singing if it’s so special to your people?”

“Her sisters,” Jongdae sighed, “and other merpeople were singing on rocks when they were captured by sailors who were lured in by their singing. They couldn’t wait to experiment on them, so the captured merpeople were killed before they even reached the shore. Their bodies were recovered before they could be discovered by those on the mainland, but our queen was understandably shocked. While she instigated the ban to protect us, how can we live without singing?”

“Are you going to return home now then? For good?” Sehun asked, realizing with a sinking heart that Jongdae had found his voice already, so there wasn’t any reason for him to stay. “So you can avenge your brother?”

“Can’t,” Jongdae said, his shoulders slumping, “Even if I wanted to, I can’t leave when I’ve just found you. I physically can’t, too.”

“Why not?” Sehun asked, the fluttering feeling in his chest quickly being replaced by concern. 

“Because I’m terrified of swimming,” Jongdae said before wincing, “It’s odd, isn’t it? A merperson afraid of swimming?” 

“What?” Sehun could only say, “Were you always afraid?”

“Not always,” Jongdae said, “Not before my family was killed. I guess I’ve told you about Jongdeok, but I haven’t told you about my parents before. My mother was the first to challenge the queen in an attempt to overthrow her and the singing ban. Their fight was long, but it was the queen who won in the end…who lived when my mother did not. But my father died quicker in his challenge against the queen. He was blinded by rage, by loss, and his pursuit of vengeance made him fight too emotionally. But Jongdeok…”

“Jongdeok, ” Sehun repeated as he remembered, “Your brother.”

“My brother postponed direct vengeance. To him, the way to gain revenge was to lead a resistance against the queen. He organized secret sings, lead protests around the castle, and he really gathered quite a following. Even my friends joined,” Jongdae said before his expression fell, “But the queen didn’t like that she was beginning to hear whispers of her people favoring my brother over her. They started to call him the true king. So do you know what she did?”

“I’m guessing she didn’t invite you over for cupcakes,” Sehun said, unable to fathom the immense burden of vengeance in merpeople customs. 

“Absolutely not,” Jongdae said, finding the strength to chuckle, “Absolutely not. She arrested my brother, his most active supporters, and me and locked us in an air chamber so that we lost our gills and our tails. For days and days and days, she kept us there so it would take much longer for us to shift back the next time we were in water. After she finally dragged us to her throne room, she had her guards drown me in front of my brother, Sehun. Again. And again. And again.”

Sehun couldn’t find any words to say as he breathed deeply as he pictured Jongdae breathlessly choking on water that he so easily lived in for all his life. All because his gills couldn’t shift back fast enough. 

“They made Jongdeok watch,” Jongdae continued onwards because maybe if he stopped speaking it would be too hard to keep going, “And to stop them from drowning me, shoving my head underwater, Jongdeok challenged the queen. They fought in the water, her tail easily beating his legs that could not shift back when he needed them the most, her gills easily allowing her to breathe while he could not.”

“I’m so sorry, Jongdae,” Sehun said, trying to repress images of Jongdae choking, spluttering, barely managing to breathe and stay alive as he watched his brother bravely die. 

“Sehun,” Jongdae softly spoke, and even now, Sehun felt like he was the one drowning because he really would never be over the way Jongdae’s voice sounded, the way Jongdae called his name, “Maybe it isn’t so much swimming that I can’t do anymore, but transforming back and forth. Because I can’t, Sehun. I really can’t submerge my head long enough to transform back because I feel like I’m drowning again.”

Sehun didn’t know what to immediately say, so he said nothing, simply reaching forwards to pull Jongdae in a tight embrace. He couldn’t imagine how Jongdae had lived this whole time in the tide pool, too afraid to swim, too afraid to go back to his home, too lost without his voice. How awful must it have been to be scared of something so second nature to him? Sehun didn’t know exactly how to help Jongdae transform back without remembering the trauma of his past, but the only thing he could offer was his unwavering support. 

“I’ll help you get back to the ocean, Jongdae,” Sehun promised even though he didn’t know how yet. 

“I would really love that,” Jongdae said, taking a deep breath, “But I can’t. I just…It terrifies me, Sehun.”

“It’s okay,” Sehun reassured Jongdae, “I’m here. I’m with you. You’ll be fine.”

ϟ

The next day, Sehun didn’t wait for Jongin to ask him to meet him at the beach, didn’t wait until the tide was low so he could climb onto the rocks that lead to the tide pool, because Jongdae was here. Jongdae was already here, was stranded away from the ocean, so Sehun was going to help him find his way back. So the next day, Sehun lead Jongdae to the ocean, holding his hand as they walked down past the seaside shops, the scorching sand, and the sound of the seagulls to the beach. 

As they walked past children slathered in sunblock who were busy building sandcastles that were going to fall anyways, people sunbathing, and swimmers toppling down from the waves, Sehun didn’t mind the sand squishing between his toes and seeping into his flip-flops that much. If he was going to help Jongdae transform back without being afraid, then they would need to go a bit further from the wandering eyes of the joggers and the swimmers. So away from the city they walked, but this time, Sehun didn’t look backwards to make sure he could still see the city. This time, he kept his eyes forward, looking for a good place where they could practice. When they finally reached a place far enough where they couldn’t see other people anymore, Sehun led Jongdae down to the waves. 

“Why don’t you practice transforming again? Or at least getting used to the water?” Sehun asked, swinging their clasped hands tightly as he turned to look at Jongdae. 

Jongdae looked longingly at the waves that crashed before him before he turned to look at Sehun apprehensively. 

“I’ve tried for a year, Sehun. I can’t,” Jongdae admitted before pressing his lips together, the curls of his lips disappearing into a hard line. 

“But this time, you have me. I’ll be right here with you, and I’ll be by your side until you can swim again, until you can transform back again, until you can swim again without being afraid,” Sehun nodded before tilting his head towards the water, “Do you want to try now? We can take it slow.”

Jongdae took in a deep breath before exhaling loudly. 

“Okay,” he said before gripping Sehun’s hand tighter, “Okay. Please don’t let go, Sehun.”

“I won’t, Jongdae. I’m right here. It’s okay,” Sehun said as he waited for Jongdae to approach the water on his own terms. 

For another moment, Jongdae stood, rooted into the sand as he simply stared off into the ocean as the sea breeze lightly tousled his hair. Without hesitating a moment longer, Jongdae took a step forwards. And then another step. But then he took a step back and looked at Sehun alarmingly. 

“Sehun, I’ve been fine with swimming in the tide pool all this time because it was tiny and shallow enough, but really if I submerge my head in open water, I don’t think I’ll—” Jongdae began to say, looking a bit panicked. 

“It’s okay!” Sehun reassured Jongdae, “You don’t have to do that today. You can just take two steps forward and one step back until you finally can do it. It doesn’t matter if it’ll take ten weeks or ten years because I know you’ll be able to do it one day whenever you’re ready.”

“Okay,” Jongdae nodded slowly, “Two steps forward and one step back. That’s doable.”

And that day, Jongdae didn’t take any steps backwards, but simply took the time to take a step forward. And another step. And another step…until the waves brushed at his feet and until the waves crashed against his thighs. 

“I think that’s enough for today, right?” Jongdae said, turning to look at Sehun as they both stood knee deep in the water. The high tide was coming in soon, and it wouldn’t be wise for at least Sehun to stay longer if the waves were going to come in higher and more aggressively. 

“If that’s as far as you want to go today, then of course,” Sehun smiled reassuringly, “Let’s go back.”

Jongdae didn’t return to the tide pool that night or the nights after that. While that would have meant it would take longer for him to fully transform back, he didn’t care. He could take all the time in the world because he just wanted to sleep beside Sehun, wake up beside Sehun, live beside Sehun whether he had a tail or not. 

But he still missed the ocean, missed the friends he had left, so he tried. He really did. But swimming in the tide pool was one thing, and swimming in the ocean was another. In the tide pool, he was comfortable in his rocky, walled pool enough, sleeping on the rocks so he wouldn’t have to worry about being submerged in his sleep. There was also no need to dip his head underneath the water to see where he was going because where was there to go in such a tiny pool? The land? To Sehun? The ocean was vast, was open, and even in all his years alive, both he and any of the other merpeople never dared to swim deeper than what they knew. 

“How do you feel?” Sehun asked another day they ventured to an isolated part of the beach. Today, they managed to stand with the water flowing up to the top of their chests. 

“Fine…except for the waves,” Jongdae said, wincing every time a wave struck and slightly pushed them back, sending water crashing over them. The wave wasn’t strong enough to knock them back to shore, but its movement over Jongdae’s head was enough to make him start breathing deeply. 

“Do you want to go back? Keep going?” Sehun asked, noticing Jongdae’s attempt to stay calm. 

Jongdae opened his mouth to answer, but before he could speak, he suddenly sunk completely into the water. 

“Jongdae,” Sehun shouted, pushing his hand into the water to wildly search for and feel for him. 

But within seconds, Jongdae emerged, pushing himself up from the water while letting out a loud scream. 

“Jongdae,” Sehun said again, his arms finding Jongdae’s waist to lift up and support him in the water until he calmed down. 

Jongdae wrapped his hands around Sehun’s neck as he breathed, the ocean water dripping from his face as he tried to relax and float on the surface. 

“At least I can still transform,” Jongdae said, trying to make light of the situation, “I wish I could predict when, though, because that…that was too much.”

“It’s okay,” Sehun reassuringly said, one arm moving to slip under the crook of Jongdae’s tail so he could lift him further up the water, “I’ve got you. I’m here.”

Sehun dug his feet into the sand to brace himself as he let Jongdae adjust to the transformation. The waves were coming in stronger and stronger, and he gritted his teeth, wondering why the ocean had to be so uncooperative. The last thing Jongdae needed was to be pulled under and submerged when he least expected it or when he wasn’t prepared for it at all. But even though Jongdae was beginning to calm down as he fondly gazed at Sehun and teasingly poked at Sehun’s cheeks, there was nothing Sehun could do to stop a particularly strong, incoming wave from dislodging him from where he stood, sending the both of them flying towards the shore. 

Sehun lifted his head off the damp sand to make sure Jongdae was okay, and when he saw Jongdae pushing himself upwards, he lay back down, completely exhausted from his time in the water. Fuck the sand. Fuck the waves. Fuck the beach. 

Soon, he felt hands gently touch his face, trailing downwards until fingers lightly touched his neck.

“Oh good, you’re alive,” Jongdae said, sounding far more cheerful than he had sounded when he was in the water, “I would’ve never trusted the ocean ever again if it had hurt you, if it had taken you from me.”

“Tell your ocean to fuck off,” Sehun said, opening an eye to peek at Jongdae, only to blink quickly at the radiance of Jongdae’s face and the light that sparkled off of Jongdae’s blue tail, “I don’t know how you can live in the ocean when I’m half-dead after just an hour struggling against the waves.”

“Sorry,” Jongdae said, sliding his tail over as he sat up before gently lifting Sehun’s head and placing it in his lap to rest, “Thank you for being so patient, Sehun. It really means a lot to me, especially since I’ve been alone for so long in the tide pool until you showed up.” 

“It’s nothing,” Sehun said, not even batting an eye as he comfortably rested against Jongdae’s tail. It seemed so familiar to him now. “I’d do anything to help you. Anything at all. Just say what you need, and it’s yours.”

Sehun reached upwards to touch Jongdae’s cheek lightly, rubbing his skin before letting his hand fall, though not before Jongdae caught and held onto it. 

“So what happens if I say I need you,” Jongdae began to say, bending his head downwards to gaze at Sehun closer. 

“Oh, Jongdae,” Sehun smiled, feeling far too fond to deny anything or dampen the true extent of his feelings now, “Didn’t you know? You’ve always had me. I wouldn’t do anything for just anyone, you know.”

“What about Jongin? Soojung?” Jongdae asked quietly, “Would you do the same for them?”

“Of course,” Sehun said, though noticing the corners of Jongdae’s mouth slightly curl downwards. Ah. He knew what Jongdae was thinking, and he quickly spoke to reassure him. “They’re my friends after all, but I wouldn’t do the same since they’re human. This I’m doing only for you.”

“You have a kind heart, Sehun,” Jongdae said, looking back at Sehun with a smile, “I’m lucky you found my tide pool and not anyone else.”

“I’m actually surprised you merpeople managed to keep yourselves hidden away from scientists for all these years. I can’t imagine what they’d do to you if they’d known you were actually real,” Sehun said, feeling his eyes droop. The ocean had really exhausted him, it seemed, but every time Jongdae spoke, his eyes were wide open. 

“If we’re discovered, we wreck their ship or their submarines that they send to explore or sail around,” Jongdae said before shrugging, “Harsh, but we don’t want to be disturbed, caught, or tagged like the fish we see.”

“Or placed in aquariums,” Sehun added, “The human world would destroy you. It’s better that they don’t know.”

“That doesn’t mean that no one knows,” Jongdae said, “A few know, or at least have seen us. We let a couple people go every now and then if we haven’t been careful. Who would believe one person?”

“Are you going to let me go?” Sehun joked, “I’ve seen you transform far too many times.”

“Never,” Jongdae grinned, and while his words were serious, he didn’t mean it the same way, “You’re with me for life.”

While Sehun had asked a different question that Jongdae didn’t answer, he couldn’t help but grin back. 

“How long do merpeople live anyways? Do they have the same lifespans as humans?” Sehun asked. 

“The average lifespan of a human is about seventy, right? It’s around the same amount of years for merpeople, too,” Jongdae said thoughtfully, “Although I’m pretty sure those who live in the deeper parts of the oceans must live longer. The deeper parts of the ocean are strange, you know. Even the bravest don’t venture there. There’s no light, and if you thought everything looks the same up there, well…It’s all black down there.”

Sehun tried to imagine living in a pitch-black world where he could only rely on his senses to navigate, where he couldn’t even see or speak, and shuddered. 

“The ocean seems terrifying,” Sehun admitted, “I think the further away from land and the deeper down you swim the easier it must be to lose your place and become afraid when nothing seems recognizable anymore. How do you manage to find your way around?”

“I actually think everything is recognizable,” Jongdae shrugged, though looked concernedly at Sehun after he noticed his quiet worry, “The water looks all the same, the same kinds of fish look all the same. So you have to look for the things only you’d recognize, things that are different and special to you. Like for me, I look for my friends, fish that are specific to only one region of the sea, and some shipwrecks no humans have ever bothered to retrieve. You have to focus on the little things that are familiar to only you even if they may seem foreign to someone else.”

“I’m not sure if it works like that on land. On land, people look so different no one’s distinguishable from each other, and the buildings and streets are different even though they’re all shaped the same. What do you do here then?” Sehun asked, thinking of how confused Jongdae must have been the first time he stood on the shore. Even now, even after so many years of living and walking around this one city, Sehun himself was confused and lost occasionally when he couldn’t recognize any landmarks or buildings. 

“Oh, Sehun,” Jongdae smiled, bending down to stun Sehun with a quick kiss to his forehead, “I just find you.”

ϟ

Sehun still hated the ocean. 

He fucking _despised_ the way that the waves crashed over Jongdae’s face causing him to panic and frantically push his arms around the water that would not support him, the way sometimes the water grew too dark for Sehun to see Jongdae and make sure he was okay, and especially the way Jongdae looked so longingly at the ocean he was too afraid of when they exhaustedly sat on the sand. 

But the ocean was all Jongdae knew, and this ocean was where Jongdae had lived forever, so to the ocean Sehun went to help Jongdae. 

Sehun wished that he could say that their progress was going smoothly, that Jongdae was improving every day, that he could confidently say that Jongdae could return to the water soon. But while Jongdae could more often than not swim in the deep water until his tail transformed back, he was still unable to submerge his head underwater for more than a second, and was still unable to make his dormant gills reappear. 

And that was okay. 

Sometimes progress was achieved slowly, taking two steps forward and one step back. So if not now, then soon Jongdae would be able to return to the ocean. And if not soon, then in the future much later Jongdae would be able to. Sehun wasn’t sure of many things, what he wanted to do after university, if he’d ever leave this city, but he was sure of this at least. He was sure of Jongdae. 

Sehun had his own problems, too, and while he appreciated Jongdae’s effort to make him confront his future, he wasn’t too thrilled or comfortable with having to think about what would come. There were too many things that he could do in the future. How could he pick just one and stick with it? 

“Okay,” Jongdae said one day they were sprawled on Sehun’s couch, limbs casually tangled together like it was nothing. He was scrolling through Sehun’s phone, looking at the mail Sehun didn’t want to read, pushing him towards the things he didn’t want to think about. “A few of your graduate schools you’ve applied for offer interviews. Some of their alumni are around here, and you don’t even have to leave this city to be interviewed by them. It’ll help your chances…not that you need any more luck since you’re already amazing. So what do you say?”

“Do merpeople go to school,” Sehun said instead, avoiding the problem again, “Do they have to go through this, too?”

“Sehun,” Jongdae said, turning off the phone so he could focus on Sehun, “Our schools are not the same as human schools, and we learn different things than you do, but yes. We do, too. Now if you don’t tell me which school you’re interested in the most, I’m going to schedule three different interviews.”

“Okay,” Sehun said, “I guess you’ll have to because I don’t know. I don’t know, Jongdae. I really don’t know which school I like the best. I don’t know what I’ll do when I have to finally decide what to do when I graduate, when time finally runs out, when the future is here.”

“At least you have the choice. At least you can decide,” Jongdae sighed, “My future is to challenge the queen once I can swim again. That’s determined.”

“Can’t you say no?” Sehun asked, “Don’t you have a choice, too?”

“To the merpeople and their ancient codes, in matters like this, it’s do or die. If I don’t, she’ll hunt me down and kill me anyways so I won’t get a chance to kill her first,” Jongdae said before looking at Sehun resolutely, “So if you can choose between different schools, different paths when you graduate, then take advantage of that choice.”

“Jongdae,” Sehun slowly said, “I think for me to actually make decisions, you’re going to need to throw me into a room, lock me there, and refuse to let me out or let me live until I decide.”

“Throw you in? Throw you in…That’s it,” Jongdae said, his eyes lighting up as he bounced on his feet, “Throw me in. Submerge me in the water…Push me down and refuse to let me surface until I can transform back.”

“Jongdae,” Sehun said, looking shocked at what Jongdae asked of him, “I can’t do that. I can’t push you down in the water…I don’t want to be the reason you’re scared. I don’t want to be the reason you feel like you’re drowning.”

“Sehun,” Jongdae said, stilling his movement for a moment to look place a hand on Sehun’s cheek, “You’re the reason why I’ve been able to push myself forwards, forwards and try again, again. You’re the reason why it’s been so easy to smile, even when I lost my voice. You’re the reason why the land has become more familiar than the ocean these days. You will never be the reason I’m scared.”

Sehun could not say anything in this moment, as all he could do was stare…stare and unconsciously lean forwards and tilt his head towards Jongdae until—

“Quickly! Quickly before I change my mind,” Jongdae excitedly said, moving away to jump up and down from the rush of adrenaline, “Before I’m afraid again, let’s do this.” 

Sehun shook himself out of his daze, and sighed as he fondly watched Jongdae dance around his living room. Maybe one day he would be lucky enough to kiss Jongdae like the waves kissed the shore. Again and again and again without hesitation, without cessation, but with so much heart that no one would question him any more than they questioned why the waves could not go a day without reaching for the shore. 

But it had grown too dark outside for them to safely brave the ocean at night, so Jongdae had conceded and gave up on trying out his daring plan. That didn’t stop him from dragging Sehun down to the sand that night though. Tonight, with nothing but the distant streetlights and moonlight to illuminate the way, the normally blue waves looked pitch-black as they crashed upon the shore. It looked as if darkness was crawling, crawling as it lunged towards them with every push and pull of the wave. 

“How deep have you swam before, Jongdae?” Sehun asked, keeping his eyes on the waves. 

“I think deep enough to scare myself, but not so deep that I couldn’t find my way back,” Jongdae said, “But did you know that another punishment merpeople could face for various crimes is being tied to heavy rocks so that they sink downwards? Of course a thick rope that’s attached to them keeps them from fully falling towards…wherever. But they fall deep enough so that they’re suspended in the water with nothing but the darkness for company. And I guess the occasional anglerfish and whatever else lives there.”

“Have you ever seen anglerfish? Do they ever swim upwards where you are?” Sehun asked, focusing on the anglerfish rather than the terrifying punishment Jongdae just described. Merpeople seemed ruthless. Fuck. Maybe not all of them were as kind and sweet as Jongdae if they killed each other for vengeance and cast each other down into darkness to punish them. 

“No,” Jongdae shook his head, “anglerfish stay where they stay. It’s their own habitat, so they stay with what they know.”

“I sympathize with anglerfish, but I pity them for being stuck in the darkness,” Sehun said, thinking of how lonely it must be to live in perpetual darkness that was only kept at bay with a tiny light. “It must be odd to only swim as far as you can see, which at least for them must not be very far at all.”

“I guess they just have to trust themselves and swim freely without knowing where they’ll end up. Maybe one day if I’m brave enough, I’ll plunge down and guide an anglerfish towards you so you can see one,” Jongdae said. 

“Oh, don’t do that! I don’t want you to get lost,” Sehun quickly shook his head, “But wouldn’t it be hard to come back? I think I’d be paralyzed if there was only darkness around me.”

“I think the best part about the ocean,” Jongdae said, “Is that if you keep swimming upwards, eventually you’ll come to the light, come to the surface.”

“That might take so long though,” Sehun said, “What if you swim for hours and hours and never see the surface?”

“But you know that the surface is always going to be there, shallow waters will always be up. So as long as you breathe, you keep calm, and trust yourself to go onwards, then you’ll come back in no time at all,” Jongdae reassured Sehun. 

Sehun had nothing left to say. He didn’t know what swimming in the deep ocean felt like, but even on land, that was true. It was easier to come back to things than venture out. So even if he had to leave this city one day, he could always come back to beach days with Jongin and Soojung, quiet walks at night around the pier, and a full house whenever his parents came back themselves. 

When he turned to look at Jongdae…Jongdae whose blue tail sparkled more dazzlingly than any waves on a sunny day, Sehun knew he could always return to Jongdae no matter where he went. And honestly, when he looked at Jongdae, found the rippling, dancing blue water in the sparkling and shimmering of Jongdae’s tail as he swam, found the elusive beauty of the distant horizon in Jongdae’s lips before they curved as he smiled, and found the push and pull of the waves in the rise and fall of Jongdae’s chest as he breathed, he realized the ocean wasn’t all that bad. 

But sometimes it was hard to remember that because Jongdae’s plan seemed to do more harm than good, and the ocean mercilessly gave Jongdae no respite no matter how hard he tried. 

Sehun had refused to push Jongdae’s head underwater, so Jongdae had to settle for the next option. 

“I’ve got you. Don’t worry,” Sehun said, standing waist deep in the water and holding out his hands one day they were trying to practice again. Jongdae took a deep breath and stepped towards Sehun before he relaxed and floated to the surface of the water. 

“You’re doing great, Jongdae,” Sehun said, catching him in his arms, one arm under his legs, the other supporting his neck. 

Jongdae took a deep breath before sinking into the water. Sehun would not push him under, but Jongdae could try it himself. He wasn’t as scared this time since Sehun was holding him, since Sehun’s arms were around him, since Sehun was touching him and making sure that he knew he was right there. 

Sehun continued to speak, letting compliments, soothing reassurances fall from his lips as he continued to hold Jongdae. He wasn’t sure if Jongdae could hear him underwater since he wasn’t speaking that loudly, but Sehun kept talking anyways, hoping that Jongdae could feel comforted through his touch at least. Occasionally, Jongdae surfaced to the water for a second to breathe because his gills had not come back yet before slowly diving back into the water, his countenance slightly distorted by the ripples. 

In five minutes, Jongdae’s legs had melted together and formed that iridescent blue tail, and while Sehun was glad to see Jongdae’s tail, he still gritted his teeth and shifted his grip because apparently tails were much heavier than legs. He would not drop him…not even if his arms were growing tired. He would not let go of Jongdae. Especially here. Especially in the ocean. 

But within minutes more of this, Jongdae pushed himself out of the water and threw his arms around Sehun’s neck as he breathed fast and hard. There were still no gills on his neck. 

“I’ve got you. You were doing just fine, Jongdae,” Sehun reassuringly said, rubbing his hand over Jongdae’s back. 

“Sehun, this is so hard… I can’t, I really can’t,” Jongdae shook his head, pressing himself closer to Sehun’s skin. 

“Yes, you _can_. But do you want to stop for today? You’ve already done a lot. You’ve broken your records! Look at all those minutes you spent underwater! Wow,” Sehun said, daring to turn his head a little so he could kiss the side of Jongdae’s head. 

Jongdae breathed as he held onto Sehun who simply stood, letting Jongdae take the time to calm down as he looked out into the sea. It terrified Sehun to think of what was out there beyond the blue horizon and beneath the surface of the water. 

As Jongdae held Sehun, held him close, he looked backwards, where they came from, where Sehun came from. The land. He wasn’t afraid of it even though he couldn’t recognize most of the sprawling mountains, the distant concrete buildings. 

“No,” Jongdae softly said after a while, “I trust you, Sehun. I know I can do this if you’re here,” Jongdae said before releasing his grasp beginning to lie back down into the water. Sehun reached out an arm to catch and support him once again before Jongdae took a deep breath and sank into the water. 

As he continued to murmur reassuring things to Jongdae, Sehun urged Jongdae on, hoping to see gills on Jongdae’s neck through the wrinkles on the surface of the water. But it was no use. While Jongdae’s legs had easily shifted back into his tail, his gills, as they had lain dormant for so long, had still not resurfaced. 

Jongdae kept his face submerged as long as he could, only surfacing to breathe when he had no other choice. As ten minutes passed, Sehun finally began to remember he was cold, shivering as the wind curled and whisked around his bare upper torso. It was a pity waterproof sweaters didn’t exist. But that quickly became the last thought on his mind, as this time Jongdae emerged from the water, he did so with a scream, with flailing limbs before he wrapped his arms around Sehun’s neck and began to cry. 

“It’s okay,” Sehun reassuringly said, his hands already moving to touch Jongdae, to stroke his back, “I’m here, Jongdae. It’s okay.”

“I tried really hard, Sehun,” Jongdae blurted out between his frightened, frustrated tears, “But that sensation of drowning…I keep remembering it every time I dip my head under the water. What if I can’t ever swim properly again?”

“You will,” Sehun said, holding Jongdae even closer against him, “You will, Jongdae, because I know you. I know you’ll be able to no matter how long it takes. And I know I’ll be there with you until it finally happens. I trust you, so trust yourself, too. Have faith. You can do it,” Sehun spoke. 

But Jongdae took deep, shaky breaths to calm himself, and while Sehun couldn’t hear him cry anymore, he still felt Jongdae’s shoulders shake against him. 

“Sehun, you’re cold,” Jongdae said at last, noticing the way Sehun breathed in deeply to try and stay warm. He lifted his head from the crook of Sehun’s neck where he had been resting to stare at him before he rubbed Sehun’s skin to warm him up. “I’m sorry for keeping you out here. Let’s go back, okay?” 

“Do you want to go back, or is it just for me?” Sehun asked, shifting his grasp on Jongdae so he could look at him better. He was. So beautiful. “Do you still want to try?”

“Nothing’s working,” Jongdae admitted, brushing aside the last of his tears, “Every time I submerge my head, I try to ignore those memories, and sometimes when I’m submerged long enough, it’s almost as if I can finally feel my gills waiting to burst from my skin. But then I lose focus or I have to breathe, so I have to give up to resurface, to tear myself away from the water.”

“This is still progress though,” Sehun said, trying his best to ignore the cold so he could give all his attention to Jongdae, “I’m proud of you for trying so hard. You’ve done so much, tried so much, so many different ways to try and swim again.”

“Not everything,” Jongdae stubbornly said, “You refused to push me into the water.”

“Jongdae…How could you honestly ask me to do that? Act like one of those people who tried to drown you ago all that time ago? I could never,” Sehun shook his head. 

Jongdae stared at him carefully before speaking. 

“Why?” Jongdae said, “I can handle it. I’ll feel safe since you’re here.”

“Because,” Sehun started to say, choosing his words carefully as he spoke, “I don’t want to hurt someone I care about.” 

“How do you care for me, Sehun?” Jongdae just as carefully asked back, never once looking away from Sehun, “Would you do this for Jongin? Soojung?”

“They’re not merpeople, so how I feel about them, my friends, is very different. I think I’ve been obvious all this time, so I think you should know by now,” Sehun said, not knowing if he was shivering from the cold or the intensity of Jongdae’s gaze.

At those words, Jongdae let the corners of his lips slightly turn up before he lifted his hand up, sending droplets of water raining down to splash the surface of the ocean before he tousled Sehun’s hair. 

“Okay,” Jongdae smiled, lightly touching Sehun’s cheek before pulling back, “Then let’s try one more thing, and if it doesn’t work, we’ll go back.”

“Alright,” Sehun said, trying to keep calm even though Jongdae hadn’t said anything or acknowledged what he had just implied, “What do you want to try now?”

“Instead of pushing me down in the water,” Jongdae said, “How about I pull you down with me? I think you’ll know what I mean when it’s time.”

What?

Sehun wasn’t afraid of water, but he was apprehensive as the thought of being stuck underwater so long that he wouldn’t be able to breathe mildly terrified him. He trusted Jongdae, so of course his answer was an immediate yes anyways. 

He was still confused though and wondered if he would really know what to do when the time came as Jongdae directed him to slowly walk into the water until it reached the very top of his chest. Sehun thought that he was pretty strong for someone who didn’t lift weights because as he walked deeper into the water, he gritted his teeth and tried his best to hold Jongdae up higher and higher and higher so Jongdae could remain near the surface of the ocean. When they were finally deep enough in the water, Jongdae did the same thing he always did. He closed his eyes, relaxed as Sehun held him, and sank into the water. 

For moments, minutes, Jongdae lay in the water, and Sehun didn’t think that they were doing anything different, so he relaxed, just focusing on making sure Jongdae felt him right there with him. Minutes and minutes passed as they repeated this, Jongdae emerging every now and then to breathe before plunging into the water. 

But this time, after nearly fifteen minutes, Jongdae emerged from the water. This time, there were still no gills. This time, he took the time to breathe longer, risking losing all his progress. And this time, he blinked water from his eyes, hands steady as he reached out to touch the sides of Sehun’s face. There was about a single moment, single seconds where the two of them said nothing but reached a silent understanding as they gazed at each other not as one human to a merperson or merperson to human, but just as themselves. Jongdae and Sehun. Sehun and Jongdae. And in this moment Sehun understood what Jongdae wanted, what he needed, and let the corners of his lips curl up before Jongdae leaned in, not even hesitating as he pressed his lips against Sehun’s and kissed him…kissed him as Sehun relaxed, let go, and let himself be pulled under the water. 

Sehun closed his eyes, embracing the cold water, arms reaching out to hold Jongdae closer and closer as they sank deeper and deeper in the water. He didn’t know how much longer he could last underwater before he needed to swim upwards to breathe. But he didn’t care, didn’t want to care because all he could do was drown. Sehun drowned in a single color, suffocated under a mantra of a name, and it was all Jongdae, Jongdae, _Jongdae_. It might’ve been easy to feel overwhelmed submerged in the water with his eyes closed as the cold water surrounded and almost smothered him. Jongdae was in his arms, on his lips everywhere, and it was with crushing disappointment that Sehun felt himself released and sent back to the surface of the water not of his own accord, but rather of Jongdae’s as he gently released Sehun and pushed him up to breathe, to live. 

Sehun broke through the water, gasping loudly as he kicked the water a few times before barely managing to stand. Still feeling overwhelmed, Sehun breathed as he searched the waves around him to find Jongdae. But there was only water. Only water, only waves, only want. 

“Jongdae,” Sehun softly said, gently touching his lips. He tasted seawater and stars, and he wanted more. 

“Jongdae,” Sehun said a little louder now. He felt colder now, colder without Jongdae pressed up against his skin, and he needed more. 

“ _Jongdae_ ,” Sehun shouted loudly, eyes darting as he glanced in the water. He searched the water for Jongdae again and again and again, trying not to panic as Jongdae did not reappear. He hadn’t left him, right? Or worse…he hadn’t drowned if his gills still hadn’t appeared, right? If he had drowned, Jongdae would have floated up to the surface. But Sehun didn’t see anything, any torso, any tail. 

Suddenly something grabbed at Sehun’s stomach, and letting out a startled yell, Sehun shoved his arms downwards to push off whatever had clung to him, though paused as he looked down and saw familiar hands under the water. Hands, arms holding his waist gently. Skin pressing up against him tightly. 

_Jongdae._

Sehun waited for Jongdae to resurface, his arms sliding under the water, pushing through the cold waves until he found Jongdae again. Hopefully Jongdae wasn’t too scared under the water. 

Moments later, Jongdae peeked out of the water with a grin, though only revealed his face, as the rest of his body was still submerged. 

“Jongdae,” Sehun breathlessly asked, lips still tingling, heart still beating wildly, “Is everything alright? Did it work?”

As Jongdae emerged from the water a little more and more, Sehun couldn’t help but stare as Jongdae bore his neck to him. There were gills. 

“Sehun,” Jongdae excitedly said, “Thank you for helping me. They’re back! My gills…they’re back!”

“Jongdae,” Sehun grinned, “I’m so happy for you…You can breathe underwater now, right?”

“Yes,” Jongdae said, twirling around the water, “Yes, yes, _yes_ …It’s all thanks to you.”

“Well,” Sehun said, his cheeks still tinged with pink even though it was still cold, “I must say this was my favorite way of helping you yet.”

“It wasn’t just a technique, an attempt to only help myself, you know,” Jongdae said, a little shyer now as he sank a little deeper into the water, “I meant it. Did you feel it? That was my heart. For you.”

“Oh,” Sehun said, feeling a delightful sense of relief crash against him before he slowly stepped forwards. But it had grown too deep for him to stand anymore, so he tried his best to swim towards Jongdae, feet kicking against the water in an attempt to stay afloat as he spoke. “I did, Jongdae. I felt your heart. And I hope you felt mine, too.”

Suddenly an incoming wave had collided against him, pushed him towards the shore, and Sehun could only brace himself against the wave as he mentally swore. Of course now had to be the time the ocean would interrupt him. But he felt arms, arms gently scoop him up, one slipped under his legs, the other supporting his neck before Sehun reemerged from the water spluttering. This time, he was the one held gently in Jongdae’s arms. 

“I think you’re my favorite,” Jongdae said, fondly smiling down at him, “Merperson or not. Tail or no tail. You’re my favorite no matter what you are. Who you are.”

“I think you’re my favorite, too” Sehun said, smiling back at him as he leaned in and pressed himself closer to Jongdae’s body, “Human or not. Legs or no legs. You’re my favorite no matter what you look like. How you feel like.”

“Really?” Jongdae excitedly said, “I’m your most favorite? Even though you have Soojung and Jongin?”

“Really,” Sehun nodded as they continued to float in the water. He didn’t know how far out they were, how deep the water was, but he didn’t look back to find his city again. Because he was with Jongdae, Jongdae who had become more familiar than any sandy avenues or tide pool. “And do you know how many times they’ve ditched me to hang by themselves? There are only so many times I can third wheel their dates before they sneak away.”

“I would say that’s a pity,” Jongdae said, continuing to hold Sehun so securely against him, “But now I have you all to myself.”

“You’ve always had me, Jongdae,” Sehun said, “Whether you knew it or not.”

“Just like you’ve had me,” Jongdae said, “Whether you knew it or not. I can’t believe you were the one who saved me…saved my voice. I couldn’t have sung again without you, couldn’t have swum without being as scared as before without you. Thank you, Sehun.”

“I might have kept your voice safe, but it was you who finally learned to swim again, Jongdae. That was all you,” Sehun said, “And you were the one who’s been helping me face the future even though it’s been so hard. Without you, I don’t know how many opportunities I would’ve missed, would’ve ignored, would’ve forgotten. Thank you, Jongdae.”

“It seems we found each other at the right time,” Jongdae said before pressing a kiss to Sehun’s cheek, “Although I wonder what would’ve happened if we met years and years ago. Or years and years later.”

But Sehun couldn’t answer because he took the time to shiver, his teeth chattering as he held onto Jongdae tighter and tighter. 

“Ah…I forgot humans are weak in water. It’s too bad you don’t have thick skin like we do,” Jongdae chuckled, “Let’s go to the shore before you catch a cold.”

“No!” Sehun said, pressing his hand to Jongdae’s…very, very firm chest to stop him, “You just got your gills back, so shouldn’t you spend as much time in the water as possible? So it’ll be easier to change back next time?”

Jongdae paused, thinking over Sehun’s words before he sighed. 

“I guess you’re right,” Jongdae said before adjusting his grasp on Sehun to make sure he was still close, to make sure he was safe, to make sure he wouldn’t sink into the water. “But you should still go. Go, dry off, and wait for me on the beach. I’ll just swim a little longer.”

This time, Jongdae swam him straight to the shore, moving faster than Sehun had ever remembered whenever he was in the water swimming. Sehun let out a laugh at the sheer delight of the experience, the wind blowing against his face now pleasant rather than harsh. When the water was shallow enough, only reaching his waist, he stood. Jongdae emerged from the water, reaching out to hover his hand over Sehun’s hair. Within moments, he withdrew his hand, carrying a ball of water that he just so easily dumped into the water. 

_What._

Sehun touched his hair, finding it dry.

“How did you do that?” Sehun asked, running his fingers through his dry hair disbelievingly. 

“Merpeople just can,” Jongdae said, satisfied that at least Sehun’s head was dry. 

“I’ll be right there,” Sehun said, pointing to a spot where they had left their things and their towels. 

“And I’ll be right here,” Jongdae said, gesturing to the sea. But the sea was far more vast than that simple tiny spot, and Sehun for a moment was scared that Jongdae could easily just swim far, far away from him if he wanted. As if sensing Sehun’s apprehension, Jongdae smiled. 

“Don’t worry, Sehun. I won’t leave you. I’m right here, and I’ll come find you when I’m done,” Jongdae said, reaching out to take Sehun’s hand in his to reassure him. Sehun merely nodded in response and quickly leaned in to kiss Jongdae before turning around and racing towards the sand with his heart pounding wildly. He didn’t want to see Jongdae disappear into the water. 

But it was a pity he missed how Jongdae reacted, what Jongdae said in response. 

“Sehun,” Jongdae softly said, smiling as he touched his lips. He tasted something beautiful, something blue, and he wanted more. But there would be time for that later, much more time for that in the future, so he simply breathed, fondly watched Sehun make his way back to their spot, and finally dove into the water. 

As Sehun walked to the shoreline and sat in the sand as he dried his body off, he looked out into the ocean. He couldn’t see Jongdae under the crashing waves, the dark blue water. And while he was scared Jongdae could be anywhere and he’d never know, occasionally, he caught a glimpse of a blue tail flicking through the surface of the water every now and then as if Jongdae was routinely reassuring Sehun and silently sending him a message. 

_I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here._

ϟ

For the next few weeks, the sea called out to Sehun, singing his name with its sweet, beautiful voice, and all Sehun could do was run out the door and follow down the avenues past the shops through the sand until he reached the waves and found Jongdae waiting. Jongdae had been able to swim out to shallower ocean waters on his own, but he always preferred if Sehun came with him. So Sehun did whenever he could in order to help Jongdae practice transforming back and forth until he could more often than not consistently make his gills reappear as easily in water as they disappeared on land. And while Jongdae still had to calm himself down after he submerged his head in the water long enough for the gills to reappear, he could do so without too much panic this time. After all, Sehun was with him. 

Or at least he was with him as long as he could. 

Jongdae didn’t come to university with him anymore, as Sehun insisted he should stay in the water during the day to make it easier for him. So even though Sehun was tired after hours of classes, after he returned from school, they met by the beach, by the sand, by the edge of the ocean where the waves kissed the shore again and again. They never met in the same spot since it was impossible to always come back to the exact place more than once since most of the beach looked the same. But always, Sehun found Jongdae. 

Some days he found Jongdae asleep under the sun wearing some borrowed clothes as he waited for Sehun. Other days he found Jongdae tracing patterns in the sand as he hummed under his breath. And other days he found Jongdae running near the shore, edging as close to the water as he could before he ran back as the waves crept towards him, laughing in delight when he successfully escaped each time. 

Sometimes it wasn’t easy for Sehun to find Jongdae. Maybe some humans had wandered to their usual meeting area causing Jongdae to hide. On those days, though, Sehun cautiously walked by himself, always remembering that the city just right behind him if he felt unsettled by the solitude. But Jongdae, from wherever he was, would sing to him, luring him in with his voice that Sehun so easily followed. 

“I found you, Jongdae,” Sehun would shout out as he found Jongdae crouched behind some rocks in the middle of his song. 

Jongdae didn’t stop singing as he leapt upwards and into Sehun’s stretched out arms, but this time, the lyrics of his song changed. 

“Sehun!” Jongdae sang, “You’re here, you found me, you came!”

Sehun who was giddy from excitement, let the overwhelming happiness he felt take over as he tried to sing in response. 

“Jongdae!” Sehun sang, “You’re here, beautiful all the same!”

Sehun didn’t sing much just like he didn’t talk much to other people, but daring to sing back to Jongdae was more than worth it just to see the stars that shone out of Jongdae’s eyes as he gazed at Sehun in delight. Without missing a beat, Jongdae sang back to him. 

“How were classes today? Good? Bad? Okay?” Jongdae continued to sing, stepping over rocks as the two of them began to walk towards the sand. 

Sehun didn’t know where to go from here, how to harmonize with Jongdae, what key they were even singing in, and he was nothing like Jongdae who was always living to sing and singing to live, but he still tried. He tried for Jongdae, replying in song as they walked to the waves hand in hand. 

“No one talked about the future today, so it’s been more than fine, I have to say,” Sehun nodded. And it was true. His university had recently slowed down the barrage of emails about what to do after graduation, of flyers for academic counseling, and of graduate school information sessions, as it was long past time for applications to be sent and decisions to be made. He himself, with Jongdae’s encouragement, had already sent in various applications to different graduate schools, had several interviews with schools he wouldn’t mind going to, and now all he had to do was wait for decisions to come back to him. That wasn’t hard at all. He could do this…wait for the future to come as he relaxed in the present. 

“That’s good,” Jongdae said, finally speaking at last as they stopped on damp sand, the waves failing to crawl high enough to touch their toes. “When do you find out if you’ve been admitted to all the schools you’ve applied to?”

“Soon,” Sehun said, his lips pulling downwards as he realized it was almost time to decide, time to graduate, time to choose what to do with his life. 

“Soon will feel like tomorrow especially if you don’t pay attention to the future, to the time,” Jongdae shook his head. Both of them stared out into the ocean that stretched out before them as they spoke. 

“Soon…Can’t soon take longer to get here?” Sehun sighed, “Soon is too soon. I don’t want to think about this.” 

“I’d say to do what I’m doing, but that’s bad advice,” Jongdae laughed all of the sudden, finding amusement in something Sehun didn’t understand. 

“What are you doing, Jongdae?” Sehun asked. 

“I’m avoiding my future,” Jongdae nodded, “I’m hiding from my fate…what must be done, what I have to do.”

“Your challenge to the queen,” Sehun remembered, “But that’s different. That’s much more serious than just schools to choose from. I’d say you can hide all you like if it’ll mean you’ll stay alive longer and live happier.”

“Oh, Sehun,” Jongdae sighed, “As much as I would love to, I can only hide for so long. As soon as someone catches a glimpse of me in the ocean, word will spread, and I’m sure the queen will know. She’ll hunt me before I even have time to think if I’m ready or not.” 

“Then stay away from the ocean,” Sehun said before realizing how foolish he sounded. Because how could Jongdae, a merman, avoid the ocean for the rest of his life? How could he live on land when all he knew was water? 

“Actually,” Jongdae said, a wry smile appearing on his lips, “Today I was going to swim even further. Do you want to come? I feel better when you’re with me.” 

Normally, Sehun would have refused immediately. After all, he had refused when Jongin had invited him on a weekend long backpacking trip where they would have trekked out into the deep forests where all the trees looked indistinguishable from each other. After all, he had refused when Soojung called him one day wondering if he would like to hop in her car with Jongin to take a road trip, not knowing where they would go, not knowing where they’d stop. And after all, he had refused to leave this city even when it was time for university and even when his parents invited him to come travel with them. 

But Jongdae had just been able to fully swim again, so what if he tried to swim in the open all alone and found himself panicking before he accidentally shifted back? What if Jongdae accidentally drowned? What if Jongdae met those merpeople who had tried to kill him again? What if Jongdae needed him?

There wasn’t much Sehun could do in the water, and he didn’t know how effective he’d be if Jongdae needed help, but the least he could do was try, right? It was better to go with him than to regret, right? 

And besides. 

Jongdae had become someone who Sehun felt as if he had known for more than just his whole life, so he was sure that no matter how deep he dived, how far out he swam, he would still feel as if he was back in his city, back in his home because Jongdae was here. 

So of course there was no answer other than this. 

“Yes,” Sehun said, though still felt a little overwhelmed as he thought of all the unknown waters, unknown fish he would see. 

“I’ll be with you. You’ll be fine,” Jongdae reassuringly said, sensing Sehun’s apprehension, “And I want to show you all the life in the ocean! Don’t you want to see an octopus with blue spots? Blue fish? A blue dragon?”

“A blue dragon,” Sehun mused, “Those actually exist?” Not that he was surprised though since Jongdae, a living merman, was right here beside him. 

“Yes. Don’t you know them? I was so sure that humans were very aware of their existence. They don’t hide, you know, but it’s hard enough to find them if you don’t know exactly where,” Jongdae said. 

“Alright. Show me a blue dragon. Show me some fish that I don’t want to hate immediately. Show me your ocean, Jongdae,” Sehun nodded, agreeing before he changed his mind. 

Excited, Jongdae began to drag Sehun towards the water. 

“Wait,” Sehun said, digging his heels in the sand as he remembered, “How will I breathe?”

“Oh! Here,” Jongdae said before letting go of Sehun’s hand as he walked closer to the water alone, Sehun timidly trailing behind him. Jongdae bent down, scooped up some water with his hand in a similar way he had siphoned off the water from Sehun’s hair all that time ago, and began stretching and pulling it in his hands until a thin dome made from the water was formed. 

“Here,” Jongdae said, standing up again before placing it over Sehun’s head and making sure it was secure, “An air bubble for you. Breathe normally, okay? The oxygen should be able to filter properly, so you won’t suffocate. Or drown.”

This bubble honestly looked a little flimsy to Sehun, and he hoped he wouldn’t meet some curious fish that would swim towards him and pop this bubble. That would be…a fucking nightmare. 

“I can’t believe you just did that like it’s nothing,” Sehun said, feeling tempted to reach out and touch the bubble, “You’re so amazing, Jongdae.”

“Me?” Jongdae said, “But every merperson can manipulate water. It’s really nothing. There are some things we just naturally know, naturally do. We are born in water, live in water, and die in water. So it’s only natural for us to be able to do this with water anyways.”

“It’s still incredible to me, a human, who’s never seen anything like it before,” Sehun shrugged before he took a step towards the water again so that the water rose up to his lower shins. 

“Are you ready?” Jongdae said, stretching out a hand that Sehun easily caught and grasped as he nodded, not trusting himself to speak in case he might say a different answer than what he intended. He felt braver in that moment as he walked further and further out of the ocean, and when it became too deep for him to stand, Sehun took a deep breath and dipped his head into the water. 

His head was still dry, and the bubble had not popped and held its shape remarkably well. Sehun cautiously exhaled, inhaled, and exhaled again and again to test the bubble. And sure enough, he could breathe properly. Wow. 

Jongdae was watching him carefully, making sure Sehun wasn’t overwhelmed, and when Sehun excitedly blurted out that this was _incredible_ , Jongdae could only shake his head. Oh. Right. They couldn’t communicate effectively underwater. So back to silent communication, meaningful touches, long looks they went. It was a pity Sehun didn’t know the merpeople’s language they communicated with. Maybe he’d have to ask Jongdae to teach it to him one day. 

But they didn’t venture out too far. Jongdae still didn’t, couldn’t swim out too much without being a little overwhelmed himself, so they just strayed a little further out from the shore. Sehun could see little fish darting around his ankles, and feeling a little dazed, he just stopped swimming and floated in the water. Jongdae let go of Sehun’s hand to swim circles around him, keeping an eye out for any sea creature that might startle Sehun. There really wasn’t anything this close to the surface and to the shore though…no sharks, no giant squid, no mythical creatures that could bite off Sehun’s head. Just water that stretched out endlessly for miles, just fish that harmlessly passed them by without even a second look, and occasional floating kelp. 

After a while, though, the fish began to look all the same, the water began to look all the same, so Sehun began to panic. It was a little bit too much for him, so he reached out to Jongdae and pointed towards the shore. Jongdae understood, and pulled Sehun towards him, catching him in his arms as he swam them towards the shore quickly. Sehun would have to get used to swimming further and further out if he wanted to continue swimming with Jongdae. He couldn’t even leave this city but here he was trying to swim his way out of it. 

“What did you think?” Jongdae said after his tail had disappeared and his legs had reappeared again, “Was that too much?”

“It was…okay,” Sehun admitted as they sat on the sand together, “A little terrifying at times, but at least you were there. I saw some fish I didn’t recognize, though, so that was interesting. But what about you? Was that too much? Did you swim alright?”

“It was….okay,” Jongdae echoed, “A little terrifying at first, but it’s easier the more I practice. And you were there, so I could keep going. One day I think if we keep practicing and getting used to this, then I can show you a coral reef. Or even maybe where I lived.”

Sehun was internally screaming because this was a lot. He didn’t know how far out it would take to reach the coral reef and he didn’t know how far from the shore he could swim without feeling lost and scared. But he did know this. He did know Jongdae was with him, Jongdae would never let some little fish bite his toes off, so Sehun had calmly smiled and told Jongdae that yes. Yes, he couldn’t wait. 

The two of them practiced swimming in the open first. It was no use to swim all the way out to the ocean and attempt to dive deeper, to swim further when neither of them were ready. Sehun still liked to see the shore behind him, to be reminded that he could go back anytime that he wanted. Jongdae still liked to have Sehun with him sometimes when he spent too long underwater and was reminded of what had happened all that time ago, causing him to become suddenly scared of drowning all over again even though he could breathe through his gills. 

So back and forth from the sea to the shore they went. Some days they ventured out a little further. Some days they swam a little back, preferring to stay in shallow waters where both of them could touch the sand with their feet and tail if they needed to.

So for a while, they took two steps forward, one step back and swam two strokes forward, one stroke back. 

All until they had slowly advanced until the shore had become a little speck in the distance and until Jongdae could stay submerged for the whole time they were swimming. That didn’t mean Sehun wasn’t scared of venturing out in unknown waters, and that didn’t mean that Jongdae fully trusted himself to not be afraid when he was swimming, but it was a start. 

And finally one day, the two of them decided today was the day to dive deep down, leaving the surface of the water behind as they’d look for coral, look for fish, look for the life the humans missed. 

“Today,” Jongdae said as they stepped into the sand. But he let himself trail off as he glanced at Sehun who bravely stood on the beach in nothing but his swimming trunks. By now, Sehun just didn’t bother bringing his sweatshirt with him anymore, which was convenient since he was tired of shaking sand out of his clothes when he returned from the beach. But now Jongdae was the one trying so hard not to stare. 

“Yes?” Sehun asked before shivering, “Next time, I’ll have to get a wetsuit so we can stay out longer. I can’t stay too long in the water like merpeople.”

“We won’t stay out too long today. I’ll just show you a blue sea dragon, and we’ll come back, okay?” Jongdae said excitedly. 

“Is it…dangerous?” Sehun asked, a bit nervous to see a sea dragon. Were they giant? Fearsome? Did they breathe fire underwater? 

“Only if they sting you. So don’t get too close, and don’t provoke them,” Jongdae said, “But I don’t think you can die from their sting? It still hurts though.”

“Alright,” Sehun nodded, putting their bags in the sand before walking towards the waves, “Let’s do this while I’m brave enough to keep going.”

“I think you’ll find blue sea dragons cute,” Jongdae said, jogging to keep up with Sehun before they began walking into the water. 

“Not as cute as you of course,” Sehun reflexively countered before Jongdae laughed, shaking his head at Sehun’s words as he bent down to scoop up some water. Jongdae quickly stretched and pulled the water until he fitted that bubble over Sehun’s head. Within moments, the two ventured out into the ocean until it was deep enough for Jongdae to change back and for Sehun to dive into the water and still be able to breathe calmly. 

Sehun was used to silence. 

He was used to sliding down in his seat whenever his professors looked out into the class to call on people. He was used to coming home by now to an empty house with nothing but the soft rustling of the seashell wind chimes to greet him. But underwater, he hated not being able to hear and be heard by Jongdae…this silence that they would have to communicate through without any notebook to alleviate. Because there was so much to see, so much to talk about. 

_Look! Oh my god! Fish!_ Sehun would point excitedly when a school of tiny fish swam past them.

Jongdae smiled, though held out a hand as if to say, _Sehun, you haven’t seen anything yet….ust wait._

Sehun didn’t know how to contain his excitement as he slowly forgot how far they were away from the shore and as he slowly forgot that he didn’t know where they even were. Because soon they began swimming a little deeper and saw coral. 

Jongdae had insisted on swimming slowly at first together, hands held tight so he wouldn’t lose Sehun in the ocean. As they swam together further and further, the water had melted into a deep blue that stretched out for miles around them. There wasn’t anything to mark where they had swum, where they could swim. But right now, Sehun was glancing at this coral reef teeming with wildlife, with blue fish whizzing in and out of the coral, blue anemone waving back and forth as orange clownfish poked their heads through them. Though those were all beautiful shades of blue, the blue of Jongdae’s tail shone the brightest, and every now and then, Sehun liked to look back and stare at it. The small amount of sunlight that managed to penetrate deep within the water still made Jongdae’s iridescent scales sparkle so beautifully. 

Jongdae then caught Sehun’s attention, swimming in front of him, and pointed upwards. Sehun nodded, allowing Jongdae to slowly, slowly, slowly guide him to the surface of the water. When they broke through the surface, Sehun gasped even though he had been able to breathe this whole time. Jongdae himself surfaced completely for a split second before sinking his neck in the water. Just in case. 

“How did you like it?” Jongdae asked, reaching forwards to support Sehun up so he could stay above the water comfortably. 

“It was different. But incredible. I don’t think I’ve seen some of those fish before,” Sehun said. 

“It’s pretty isn’t it?” Jongdae grinned. 

“I didn’t see any blue dragons though,” Sehun said, “Are you sure they’re here?”

“Oh yeah,” Jongdae nodded, “They’re right here around us. Let me show you.”

_What._

Jongdae disappeared underwater, and Sehun gently kicked downwards, still not used to the fact that he could breathe underwater as his arms reached out to touch Jongdae for comfort. Jongdae grasped his hand securely before they swam about a couple meters downwards. 

He pulled Sehun’s hand closer to him and pressed his lips to it before letting go. 

_It’s okay. I’m here._

Sehun fought to keep a slight sense of panic down as he made sure to keep Jongdae in his sights at all times. Jongdae was circling around him, swimming slowly and looking around to search the water for the blue dragon. Was it just going to swim up to them from the distance? Was it going to attack them? Sehun braced himself for something blue, something bold, something beastly…but soon, Jongdae waved his hand to beckon Sehun to come as he pointed at something in the water. 

No magnificently large dragon was around them. 

No whiskers, no scales, no fangs. 

No fire. 

Just…

Sehun threw Jongdae a look that easily translated despite the silence. Because _this_ was a blue dragon?

Peering closer, he gazed at where Jongdae pointed and stared in confusion. 

A few tiny things were floating in the water, but they weren’t big dragons. If anything, they were just vibrantly blue slugs. The length of their bodies were outlined in black, but a luminescent blue and sparkling silver were splashed on top while their limbs protruded out like spiraling fans. 

This was a blue dragon?

Jongdae looked amused at Sehun’s confusion and left Sehun to stare at the blue dragons a while longer before he gently took Sehun’s hand pulled him to the surface.

“That’s a blue dragon?” Sehun asked as soon as they emerged from the water.

“Scary, right?” Jongdae nodded.

“They’re much smaller than I thought,” Sehun said, recalling how he was sure he could fit at least twenty into the palm of his hand.

“It’s just a nickname. I think you humans gave them the same nickname, too. They’re just tiny slugs,” Jongdae shrugged, “They may not really seem like real dragons, but their stings hurt. A lot.”

Sehun just stared before turning around in the water and pushing a certain sense of panic down as he suddenly realized he had absolutely no idea where he was, where they were. Everywhere he turned, he couldn’t see the shore, his city, so he held Jongdae’s hand tighter. 

“Let’s get you back,” Jongdae said, noticing Sehun’s growing discomfort and gently pushed him down until he floated in the water. He then lifted Sehun’s legs until the crook of them rested on top of his arm. Sehun placed his arms around Jongdae’s neck as if it was second nature, and Jongdae secured Sehun’s neck over his other arm. And before Sehun knew it, Jongdae quickly took him back to shore, the passing water looking like a blurry blue as they swam through it. It would have taken him thirty minutes to swim what Jongdae had just swum in a matter of at least seven minutes. 

Sehun would never get quite used to the things he saw in the ocean. After buying a wetsuit, Jongdae had begun to take him further and further away from the shoreline. One time, Sehun encountered sharks. While he had fought to stop his internal screaming from sounding, Jongdae had calmly remained motionless as he reverently watched the sharks swim silently past them, their shadows disappearing into the blue void beyond. Other times, Jongdae showed Sehun a herd of blue jellyfish harmlessly floating around. Or at least they were harmless until one ensnared a fish that swam by it. 

But one time, Sehun was startled by two figures that immediately launched themselves at Jongdae out of nowhere. Sehun was ready to pry them off of Jongdae, to fight underwater as best as he could, but stared in recognition as his eyes flickered to the lower half of the two figures and realized they were merpeople who didn’t seem hostile because it seemed like they were hugging Jongdae. One merperson with flowing, brown hair had a tail the shade of pale lilac while the other had a bright, marigold tail. Sehun really didn’t know what was going on, but he couldn’t help smile at the sight of Jongdae’s own smile that burst from his features as he held them back…whoever these merpeople were. 

Soon, the three of them began to rapidly converse, speaking about something…Perhaps Jongdae’s voice? Jongdae had pointed to his throat excitedly while the two merpeople looked stunned before grinning wildly and throwing their arms round Jongdae again. For a while they talked, Sehun remaining silent and observing them. 

Sehun recalled what Jongdae had told him before and realized that he had been right. The language of the merpeople did indeed look like dancing, and there was a certain rhythm in which the three of them moved their arms gracefully as they chattered, caught up on all the time spent apart. Sehun had no idea what they were saying, but he supposed Jongdae was now introducing him to these merpeople as he gestured towards him before the two merpeople waved back and smiled. Waving was another universal gesture it seemed. The three of them continued their conversation for a few more moments, Sehun staring in silence as he attempted but failed to completely understand what they were saying with their body language. Though eventually, Jongdae glanced at Sehun staring blankly and reached for his hand before swimming off in the distance. 

Sehun didn’t know where they were going, why the other merpeople were following them, but he realized once they surfaced to see some rocky formations. Jongdae helped Sehun up onto the rocks before he and the other two merpeople climbed up as well, their tails rapidly dissolving to form legs. 

“This is Sunyoung and Baekhyun,” Jongdae explained at last, stretching his arm out to introduce the two merpeople, “My friends.”

“Hello,” Sehun smiled at Jongdae’s friends, speaking at last. Sunyoung and Baekhyun nodded and smiled again, though remained silent. Sehun waited for them to say something, but only silence followed.

“Oh,” Jongdae said in a quieter voice, “I forgot to say they were two of my brother’s biggest supporters, and they lost their voices the same day I did, the same time my brother died.” 

“I’m sorry,” Sehun could only say, not sure what else he could say to comfort them. Baekhyun looked away, but Sunyoung looked forwards and nodded once. 

Jongdae then quietly explained that Sunyoung and Baekhyun had told him what had happened after he had fled to chase his voice. Both of them left to find their own bottles just like Jongdae had done, and while Baekhyun hadn’t found his bottle just yet, Sunyoung had found hers. Smashed onto some rocks by careless, crashing waves. 

Sehun couldn’t help himself as he stared at Sunyoung in alarm with pity, but she kept her composure, kept her chin raised, kept smiling despite the harsh reminder. 

“Then it’s good you still can talk underwater. You don’t need to be heard to be understood,” Sehun offered. This was what Sehun told Jongdae all that time ago, and he hoped it gave Sunyoung and Baekhyun the same reassurance it gave Jongdae. 

But Sunyoung and Baekhyun just looked amused before diving into the water. 

“Did I…say something wrong?” Sehun asked, staring at the water into which they disappeared. 

“Let me check,” Jongdae chuckled before kneeling at the edge of the rocks before sticking his head into the water for a moment before standing up, water dripping steadily off his head like raindrops from a cloud. Baekhyun and Sunyoung soon reemerged, though stayed in the water, only their heads appearing. 

“They said,” Jongdae smiled, “that if I had to have found a human that I wouldn’t let go of, then at least it was you.”

“Oh,” Sehun could only say, his cheeks reddening not from the sun, but because of something else. Someone else. 

Before Jongdae could continue speaking, Sunyoung and Baekhyun gestured towards him, frantically signaling Jongdae to come towards them. But Jongdae remained on land and simply stuck his head back inside the water as Sunyoung and Baekhyun dove back underneath to speak before all of them resurfaced moments later. 

“What did they say now?” Sehun asked, glancing at Sunyoung’s and Baekhyun’s eager faces. 

“They want me to sing for them,” Jongdae said, stepping onto a raised rock before sitting and letting his legs dangle in the water. Within moments, his tail reappeared so easily. 

“Of course they do,” Sehun said as he sat beside Jongdae, “Who wouldn’t want to hear you sing.”

“Oh, Sehun…I know you want to hear me sing, but pay more attention to what Sunyoung and Baekhyun are doing underwater. It’s beautiful, too,” Jongdae said, bending down to scoop up some water in his hand before stretching it and placing it over Sehun’s head. 

“Alright,” Sehun nodded, “But can’t I hear you sing a little bit first up here?”

Jongdae nodded and began to sing, striking Sehun with his clear voice, his unmistakable passion. Sehun could only blink and stare, almost forgetting what he was supposed to do before Jongdae, without missing a beat, gently nudged Sehun towards the water. 

Out of habit, Sehun took a deep breath before plunging his head into the water. He still held his breath as he looked around, Jongdae’s singing much more muted now, but what he saw now caused him to gasp and to take his first breath. Floating in the water near the surface, Sunyoung and Baekhyun were slowly dancing with their eyes closed, their arms gracefully moving in the water as they spun around. Sehun couldn’t understand what they were trying to say, but he felt it enough.

Sehun continued to watch Sunyoung and Baekhyun eloquently move in the water to the rhythm of Jongdae’s singing before he resurfaced just to look at Jongdae again and see the love on his face and the stars in his eyes as he continued to sing. But it was too bad that Jongdae’s singing was so recognizable, so loud, so beautiful because as his voice echoed around, Sehun wasn’t the only one to hear it and recognize it as well.

ϟ

As much as Sehun was glad Jongdae was reunited with Sunyoung and Baekhyun, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread every time they appeared near the beach to look for Jongdae. After all, they had insisted on helping Jongdae dive deeper and swim further than what he had been able to do with Sehun.

“Sunyoung, be nice,” Jongdae shook his head one day after he stuck his head out of the water to frown at Sunyoung who splashed water at him and waited for him to translate what she had wanted to say to Sehun. 

“She says,” Jongdae threw her a look, “thank you for how much you’ve helped me, but she thinks that I need my own people, not a human, to help me swim like I used to swim.” 

Sunyoung smiled gratefully at Sehun who had tried his best to smile back, though remained silent, not knowing what he could say in return. 

“Come on, Sunyoung, he’s d—” Jongdae exasperatedly said before Baekhyun reached upwards from the water to tug on Jongdae’s arm, beckoning him to translate what he wanted to say next. Jongdae sighed before dipping his head into the water, watching what Baekhyun said with his body before resurfacing. 

“Baekhyun says that…what Sunyoung means to say,” Jongdae translated as he pushed his sopping bangs away from his forehead, “is that you’ve helped me so much, but let them help me now. You can’t survive too long in water, so don’t risk yourself while they can help me easily.”

“Be nice,” Jongdae frowned at Sunyoung and Baekhyun who probably didn’t mean any harm with what they said, but Sehun did admit they had a point since he couldn’t last very long underwater and would be useless to help if Jongdae suddenly needed to be pulled to shore. But he still refrained from arguing that they couldn’t exactly help Jongdae freely since they themselves had both lost their voices, and he couldn’t even imagine what type of negative attention the three of them would attract if they were spotted all together…two of the rebellion’s strongest leaders, and a member of a family that had long challenged the queen. 

Jongdae himself was hesitant, was not sure if this was such a good idea for him to swim for more than a few hours at a time, to dive deeper than he had attempted before. But Sunyoung and Baekhyun had reminded Jongdae that he was still a merman born of the sea, living and dying among the waves. So who was he if he couldn’t swim for more than a few hours? Who was he if he was afraid of the water?

That seemed to strike a nerve with Jongdae, who ultimately decided to let Sunyoung and Baekhyun guide him in the ocean not because of their longstanding friendship, but rather of spite. Because he _was_ still a merman. He was. 

So all Sehun could do was watch with a sinking heart as Sunyoung and Baekhyun held Jongdae’s hands and walked him to the waves in a very similar way that Sehun had walked Jongdae out when they were alone, when they were together. 

“Don’t worry, Sehun. I’ll find you,” Jongdae would always say, turning back to smile at Sehun before he disappeared into the ocean with his friends. 

But Sehun was never worried about Jongdae. He was worried for Jongdae, worried that Sunyoung and Baekhyun might take him and never let him return to human lands, that the queen would find him and force him to fight her in accordance with those ancient codes, that the ocean would drown him and never let Sehun know Jongdae could never come back. Some nights, Sehun would be unable to fall asleep because Jongdae would leave for days and days and days. And during those nights without Jongdae, Sehun still heard the sea calling, singing to him miles and miles away, unable to resist its call until he found himself walking down the beach to the sand. Of course Jongdae wasn’t there when he arrived, but he liked to pretend that the shadows in the distance were Jongdae’s tail breaking through the surface to assure Sehun he was here, he was still here. 

Though for all of Sehun’s worries, Jongdae always returned. Jongdae always found Sehun again, and when Sehun least expected it, he would come home to find Jongdae asleep in their bed, Jongdae sorting through letters Sehun forgot to open, Jongdae curled up on their couch wrapped in Sehun’s sweaters. 

“Sehun,” Jongdae said on one of those days as soon as Sehun approached. It was never a hello, a greeting that Jongdae would call out because it was always Sehun’s name…always Sehun first. 

“Jongdae,” Sehun could only say, sitting beside Jongdae on the couch and staring at him as if it had been years since they had last seen each other even if had been only a few days. 

But soon they lapsed into silence, a silence punctuated by even breathing, muffled rustling as they edged closer to each other, and the calm, beating of their hearts. Sehun could have spent hours just sitting by Jongdae and enjoying his presence, but it was Jongdae who spoke to break the silence. 

“I think among us,” Jongdae said, “I think Sunyoung’s the most suitable to succeed the queen were she to be overthrown. So I don’t understand why the people want me on the throne. I was only Jongdeok’s brother, my parent’s son. I played no big role in this rebellion.”

“You said,” Sehun spoke, thinking out loud, “or at least you told me once that merpeople take familial bonds more seriously than humans believe in their own familial ties. So yeah, maybe it’s the people seeing you as the next in line to a succession of people who dared to defy their queen to sing.”

“So they just expect me to follow them,” Jongdae sighed, “Right? They’ve already decided my future based on who I’m related to…Not based on anything that I’ve done. Or want to do.”

“Or,” Sehun continued, “Maybe they just believe in you. Maybe they see in you a combination of all the things they believed in your parents and your brother. You have your mother’s bravery, your father’s love, your brother’s defiant stubbornness, and I think your people must see all of this and believe that you…you who found your lost voice, who always sang your entire heart out, will find a way to let everyone sing again.”

“You sound like Sunyoung and Baekhyun,” Jongdae chuckled as he shook his head, “Except the way you say all of that makes me want to believe you. Because I can’t believe Sunyoung and Baekhyun. They think it should be my duty to resume what my family started because I am their son, their brother. It’s my right and my burden to bear. The people just believe in me because I’m the only one left in this family in these parts of the ocean.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Sehun said, gently nudging Jongdae, “But if everyone believes in you, it has to be for a good reason.”

“I’ve seen them,” Jongdae admitted, “I’m sure it was intentional, but Sunyoung and Baekhyun lead me around to see how the merpeople have been doing.”

“And?” Sehun asked, wondering how merpeople lived, if they lived in underwater dwellings or something. 

“They look like they’re dying,” Jongdae said before amending his statement as Sehun shouted out concernedly, “Not physically, but just…they look so weary…so weary. Telling us not to sing is like telling you humans not to breathe, not to laugh. There is no life without singing for us.”

“Then surely the queen must be suffering, too?” Sehun asked, feeling glad Jongdae found his voice once again, “Since she can’t sing?”

“She is concerned about the survival of our people, Sehun,” Jongdae shook his head, “That accident with her sisters traumatized her, so if singing caused her sisters to die along with so many others, then we shouldn’t sing at all in order to survive. To her, even if we’re unhappy without singing, at least we’re still alive. Surviving.”

“You should all live happily and sing as much as you want,” Sehun frowned, trying to picture what it would be like if all humans were forbidden to laugh or to smile, though quickly finding that he couldn’t imagine that at all. 

“But the only way for that to happen is if I give in to what I am supposed to do and accept my future to fight. Sunyoung asked me before I left this time again…she wouldn’t stop asking if I would give in to my future and challenge the queen,” Jongdae said. 

“So what did you say? What are you going to do?” Sehun asked, already bracing himself in case Jongdae decided to return to the ocean to fight the queen, inspired at last by the sights of his weary people, the return of his voice. 

“Me?” Jongdae asked before crawling into Sehun’s lap and placing his hands around the side of his face before kissing his cheek. “I’m going to do nothing. Absolutely nothing…nothing except stay here. With you.”

ϟ

As time passed, Jongdae still insisted on avoiding his inherited vengeance against the queen, always accepting Sunyoung’s and Baekhyun’s invitations to swim with them, but always refusing their wish for him to stay, to fight. But as time passed for Sehun, graduate school decisions were finally sent out to him. Jongdae had been the excited one when he saw that most schools had admitted him, but Sehun had been the one to fall silent, slumping to the couch as he let the letters fall from his hand. Perhaps it had been a bad idea to apply to so many schools. He was smart…he didn’t need that many back-ups. So what now? How could he possibly choose between all these schools now?

“You don’t have to think about what to decide on now,” Jongdae said as he sat next to Sehun on the couch, leaning over to pick up the fallen letters, “since you have time, right? But sometime before the future hits would be a good time to choose.”

“Sometime before the future,” Sehun sighed, “Isn’t that now? The future’s always hitting us as every moment passes. The present doesn’t exist, Jongdae. I’m always trying to catch up to all the time that’s passing, and before I know it, I’ll have to make my decision.”

“You can do it, Sehun,” Jongdae urged, “You’ll know when it’s time.”

“And what if I don’t? If I don’t know now, what makes then different?” Sehun said, always feeling as if the shimmering seconds of the clock were falling away from him just like how water still escaped, still spilled through the cracks of his cupped hands no matter how hard he tried to hold all of it, to keep all of it.

“Well…you’ll be older. You’ll have had more time to think. More time to live, more time to figure out what you love. You’ll know in time,” Jongdae shrugged, “Merpeople believe you’re never the same as who you were yesterday and the days before yesterday. We change every day whether we know it or not, .even in that tiny amount of time. So tomorrow’s decisions will be made by tomorrow’s version of you. Today’s you just has to think about it. Tomorrow’s you will decide.”

“Then does that mean tomorrow’s you might decide to come back home? Challenge the queen for your family? For your people?” Sehun asked, only slightly regretting it when Jongdae’s expression darkened. If Jongdae was helping Sehun face his future, then Sehun would help him with the same as well. 

“I guess I’ll find out,” Jongdae admitted, “But today’s me still has no intention of doing so.”

“I think you’ll be strong enough to do it whenever the time comes,” Sehun nodded reassuringly. 

“Sehun,” Jongdae said, “Thank you for your faith in me, but how can I do what my mother, my father, my brother all failed to do?”

“Because you’ll be older,” Sehun said, “You’ll have had more time to prepare. More time to live, more time to figure out how you’ll win. You’ll be able to when it’s time. If you want.”

“Sehun,” Jongdae said again, arms reaching out to touch him, “I think being stranded in that tide pool was the best thing I’ve never decided to do.”

Sehun wanted to say something. He wanted to tell Jongdae what the easiest decision he had ever made in his whole entire life, but all he could do was silence himself as he pressed a kiss to Jongdae’s lips. And suddenly, Sehun felt as if he was drowning again because he didn’t want to break apart to breathe just yet. 

Outside of Sehun’s house down the avenues past the shops behind the sandy beach was an ocean that relentlessly sent its waves again and again to touch the shore and remind it of its presence. But the sea was right here. Sehun was holding the sea right here in his hands, afraid that if he’d let go, what he was holding would trickle through his hands and leave him with damp fingers and damp cheeks. 

But Sehun had to let go. He had to let go because he had to breathe, and because when had anyone succeeded in capturing the entire sea itself? When had anyone ever succeeded in holding water without spilling a single drop? But after they broke apart to breathe, it was Jongdae who spilled himself all over Sehun, pressing his body so close against Sehun’s that all either of them could feel was just skin, just heart, just life. And when they continued to breathe inches away from each other’s flushed faces, Sehun swore he could taste seawater and stars, feel what the shore felt every time the waves kissed the shore’s sandy skin again and again, and see the sea itself right here right in front of him all contained in this single being. Jongdae. 

Sehun didn’t know many things, how he was supposed to decide what he wanted to do with his life, how deep the ocean was, how many other mythical creatures were alive and present in the world, but he did know this. 

This was Jongdae. 

And whatever Sehun would decide in the future, he knew it would always involve Jongdae, Jongdae, _Jongdae_. 

But really, it seemed that Jongdae’s future had arrived much more quickly before Sehun could even finish thinking about his own. 

Because one day that Jongdae and Sehun planned to swim out in shallow waters near the shore, they had received visitors waiting for them on the sand.

“Baekhyun? Sunyoung?” Jongdae called as soon as he saw two familiar merpeople resting in the sand, the waves gently crashing against their tails. As soon as Jongdae called out their names, they looked up and waved before crawling away from the water. And within seconds, their gills quickly receded back into their skin and the scales of their tails faded to reveal legs. 

Sehun dropped their bags and kept his eyes on their faces as they ran towards them in eagerness. Even though they could dry themselves off if they wanted, Sehun reached into their bags and pulled out two towels to give to Baekhyun and Sunyoung anyways. Jongdae understood and helped wrap them up in the towels with a laugh. 

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae said after Baekhyun and Sunyoung quickly jumped up and down again and again, “I don’t know what you’re trying to say…What’s so important that you couldn’t wait until you found me in the ocean to tell me?”

At that, Baekhyun and Sunyoung ceased their movements, their expressions falling as they realized they could not be understood like this…without their voices. Baekhyun pouted and dropped his head as he squirmed, but Sunyoung kept her chin up and closed her mouth. Perhaps she was thinking of another way to be heard. 

But luckily for them both, it had become a habit of Sehun’s to take a notebook everywhere he went even after Jongdae regained his voice. A sentimental habit. So, Sehun took out his notebook, pulled out two pencils, and kindly placed it between Baekhyun and Sunyoung. The hopeful look that appeared on their faces after they saw the notebook and understood was not unlike how Jongdae looked when he had written his first words. 

But it had just been Jongdae and Sehun the first time. There was no one to speak over Jongdae, to compete with him for the desperate chance to communicate out of water. So Baekhyun and Sunyoung eagerly began writing on the pages on top of each other and over the margins. Sehun peered across the page, but he could only understand fragments of what they were both trying to say. 

_Thank you, Sehun! The next time J—_

_Jongdae, did you know tha—_

_I can’t be—_

_It’s been so lon—_

_I didn’t know th—_

“Take turns, please…I can’t understand you if you write over each other,” Jongdae said. Sunyoung and Baekhyun silently stared, daring the other to concede and let the other write first. And with a sigh, a few moments later, Baekhyun dropped his hand and let Sunyoung write first with a huff. But he still held the pencil in his hand, his wrist bouncing up and down as he was so ready to write, to speak, to be understood. 

In the meantime, Sunyoung grasped the pencil and wrote concisely. 

_There’s word of you back. And alive. The queen’s not happy, but your presence is sparking talk of resuming the rebellion,_ Sunyoung eagerly wrote. 

Sehun glanced apprehensively at Jongdae, wondering how he’d react. To his credit, Jongdae kept his expression unreadable, but simply kept his eyes on the paper as he reached over to take the pencil from Sunyoung. 

_Did you tell them I was back? I thought we were careful to stay hidden when swimming together,_ Jongdae wrote before looking at Sunyoung and Baekhyun. 

_Of course not! Maybe they heard your voice the day you sang for us?_ Baekhyun scribbled back. Jongdae read and reread and reread Baekhyun’s message again and again until he sighed. 

_Maybe that was a bad idea_ , Jongdae wrote. And while Jongdae looked dejected, Sehun silently disagreed. How could that beautifully moving scene be a mistake? No, it was not Jongdae’s fault if his voice was so distinct and beautiful that the whole ocean stopped to listen whenever he sang. Sunyoung took advantage of Jongdae’s silence and took the pencil from his grasp before beginning to write. But Baekhyun seized the paper again and wrote while Sunyoung threw him a look.

_The people want to sing again, Jongdae. This ban on singing is killing everyone. Or those with a voice left at least. You know this,_ Baekhyun wrote before sighing, a sound Sehun so clearly heard. 

_Help us, Jongdae. You don’t have to do anything but just show up. We understand if you don’t want to fight, but come back to the ocean. Reveal yourself again. Just sing. Your presence, your voice will be enough for the people to follow our lead,_ Sunyoung wrote before looking up determinedly at Jongdae as if that could change his mind, as if she could change his mind. 

But Jongdae only turned towards Sehun, looking at him with an expression that even a thousand words couldn’t describe. Sehun himself didn’t fully understand what Jongdae was trying to communicate with that single look. Maybe it was fear…Maybe it was stricken weariness. Maybe something else. Though whatever it was, Sehun could only reach out to gently place his hands on top of Jongdae’s shoulders and reassure him. 

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Sehun said, eyes never leaving Jongdae’s gaze, “Only you can decide if you’ll do this. Not Sunyoung, not Baekhyun, not the people out there. Not me either. Just you.”

Jongdae looked away from Sehun for a brief moment, turning his head to gaze at the ocean. He could only look upon its surface, but underneath it there were thousands and thousands of merpeople who couldn’t sing. But to return to the ocean would be to alert the queen that he had come back. That a challenge was to be expected. So what could he do?

“I want to help them sing again,” Jongdae said before looking back at Sehun. “I really do…But this rebellion cost me my family, my voice. I don’t want to lose anything else. Anyone else.”

_You won’t. Like we said, your presence would be enough to ignite a new rebellion. So when the people come to fight, we’ll lead. You can go back to hiding after you sing for everyone. This will be our fight, Jongdae. You can fight yours with the queen whenever you want to come back in the future,_ Sunyoung wrote. 

The future. 

There it was again.

Everyone always threw around that word…the future. But the future was now, the future would pass as soon as they kept on living, and yet the future was always looming ahead. The future was now, but it was also tomorrow, also the months to come, also the years to come. So really there was no use in running from it, but Jongdae could still try. 

“If I sing… If I show myself,” Jongdae said, “That’s it. I’ll be gone after I’m done.”

Sunyoung and Baekhyun exchanged a look before Baekhyun inclined his head towards Sunyoung who started writing. 

_If that is what you wish, then alright. But remember you cannot escape what you are meant to do, and some day, whether that will be in a month, a year, or a decade, you will have to come back to challenge the queen for your family, Jongdae. Or has living among humans caused you to forget our people’s codes?_ Sunyoung wrote. 

Sehun couldn’t help but peek in on the conversation that these merpeople were having in front of him. When they were underwater, he couldn’t exactly understand, communicate, or even interpret what they were saying to each other. But now…but now, he could, and he didn’t know if that was a good thing or not because he had to press his lips together to avoid saying that the merpeople and their queen should fuck off along with the rest of the codes. Because how could the merpeople have such strict codes that dictated what they did before anything would be done? How they should live?

In a way, Sehun realized that such codes should have been ideal for him, who couldn’t even choose what graduate school he was to go to. But for Jongdae…Sehun saw the destructiveness of having no choice, no opportunity to dictate how he should live his life. And for a split second, he was grateful he could decide what his future was even if it was as simple as saying no to some schools but yes to just one, and as saying no to millions of people, of beings in the world, but yes to just one. Just Jongdae. 

_I’ll live a full life, Sunyoung. I’ll live a full life, and when I think I have lived enough, loved enough, I will go challenge our queen and die with my head raised and my heart still burning even when I drown in water and blood,_ Jongdae slowly wrote, _But do not expect that day to be now. I will help you with your rebellion, but that is all. Respect that._

Sunyoung read Jongdae’s writing and nodded before extending her hand out. Jongdae cautiously stretched his arm out, but when their hands touched, he shook it firmly and let go. Beside them, Baekhyun breathed before taking the paper and beginning to write.

_I’m sorry we’re asking so much from you, Jongdae. You’ve lost so much…and if there were another way, another effective way, then we would’ve tried it without involving you. But I really am happy that you’ve found your voice. And something else as well on land. Someone else as well,_ Baekhyun wrote before smiling. Jongdae couldn’t help but smile back despite the serious topic and leaned forward to pat Baekhyun’s shoulder. 

Sehun didn’t need to hear any words, any conversations to understand what that meant. 

_Thank you._

So that was that. After the four of them sat around the sand conversing about anything but the rebellion and Jongdae’s eventual fate, Baekhyun and Sunyoung had walked back into the ocean, disappearing and sinking into the dark water. But they left with Jongdae and Sehun a sort of premonition that the future was going to happen right no. So the only thing they could do was sit together, hands clasped, and hope that by the time that Jongdae was done with his involvement, he would be able to escape the ocean fast enough before the queen caught sight of him and demanded he fulfill his vengeance code. 

While Sehun would have preferred to stay on land after seeing so many different things the ocean had offered him, he still wanted to go with Jongdae as he swam even further out and further down in the ocean. If Jongdae was going to potentially do a life-threatening thing and start a rebellion, then Sehun was going to be there. He was going to be there even though some sea creature might eat him alive, even though he was surely going to die of hypothermia one day if he kept spending more and more time in the water like this, even if there was a very strong possibility that he might drown were anything to go wrong.

But of course Jongdae refused. 

“Stay on land, Sehun. The ocean is vicious. It kills its own inhabitants, mercilessly drowns those who stay too long, so just stay safe here,” Jongdae said a few days before the day he was to meet Baekhyun and Sunyoung to reveal himself to his people again. But today he was pacing around Sehun’s bedroom while Sehun sat on the edge of his bed and worriedly watched. 

“I would rather risk drowning than let you leave alone,” Sehun said, fists curling up at his sides. 

“I’m not leaving, Sehun,” Jongdae stopped in his tracks as he turned to stare at Sehun, “I’m just…”

“You’re going home to do some dangerous thing…What if the queen finds you? Makes you uphold that code you don’t want?” Sehun interrupted. 

“Then I’ll swim,” Jongdae said, walking towards Sehun before sitting next to him and leaning over to place a hand on top of one of Sehun’s fists before continuing to speak. “I’ll swim straight back as fast as I can, and when I reach the shore, I’ll run back all the way to my home. Here. I’ll come back, Sehun. I’ll find you and come back to you.”

“How will you come back? Surely she’ll have people searching the whole ocean for you,” Sehun said.

“I don’t know, but the ocean is vast…there are places I can hide. I’ll have to avoid coral reefs and kelp gardens, but—” Jongdae began to say before Sehun interrupted him. 

“Please. Let me go with you,” Sehun urged, raising his other hand to silence Jongdae who already his mouth to protest, “I’ll go with you out to the ocean in a small boat, and we can hide it somewhere in one of those caves. When you finish singing to the crowd, we’ll take the boat back before the queen can find you. They’ll be too busy searching the deep waters, and the coral reefs, so they won’t remember to look upwards. To the surface.”

Jongdae raised his eyebrows as he considered Sehun’s plan. When the corners of his lips began curling downwards, Sehun began to think he had failed to convince Jongdae. But as Jongdae turned and gazed at Sehun with an unreadable expression, Sehun began to think there was a chance. 

“Most merpeople have never seen a human up close. If you go with me, just stay on land in the caves. And don’t interfere. Don’t risk yourself. Don’t involve yourself. I’ll just sing a song or two and then we’ll leave as fast as we can. Okay?” Jongdae said. 

“Okay,” Sehun quickly nodded, “I can’t miss any opportunities to hear you sing anyway.”

“Sehun, I’d sing for you anytime,” Jongdae smiled, his shoulders relaxing. 

And so for the next few days, Jongdae sang for hours and hours. While Sehun didn’t recognize the songs or listen to any other music but Jongdae’s own singing, he never grew tired of it. And he loved every second, often closing his eyes to listen, to just listen. 

But honestly, as that day grew closer and closer, Sehun was scared. Scared for both Jongdae and himself. What would happen if Jongdae was caught and forced to fight the queen when he didn’t want to? And what if he lost his voice again? And as for Sehun, he supposed since it was spring break, if he didn’t make it back, people would only realize after break was over. Jongin and Soojung were braving the wilderness themselves, leaving to go on a backpacking trip in the middle of some forest, so they would never realize if Sehun didn’t make it back until weeks had passed. 

“Are you sure you want to rent this thing?” the employee asked, looking questioningly at Sehun as he lugged the small boat to the cash register. Shaken out of his thoughts, Sehun stared at the tiny fishing boat he was attempting to rent and for a second asked himself what the fuck did he think he was doing? Why the fuck did he think he would be able to paddle in and out of the ocean in this small boat?

As bad as that idea sounded, he thought that any boats larger than this would draw unwanted attention from the other sea life. He also figured that if everything went according to plan, they would just sail out to the ocean and sail back before the queen realized Jongdae was there and before the boat rental shop would close. 

“Yeah,” Sehun nodded before sliding his credit card over the counter, “Do you charge by the day as well as by the hour?”

The employee straightened up and leaned on the counter of the cash register as he caught his breath, staring confusedly at Sehun. 

“We’ve never rented out these boats, or this boat really, for more than a couple of hours. What are you going to do out there in the ocean for a whole day? I mean it’s sturdy enough to sail a decent distance out from the shore, but still. What the—” the employee said before Sehun interrupted. 

“Oh, you know…just looking at the sea life…Maybe go find some sea lions or fish…really anything with tails,” Sehun shrugged. 

“Alright, just stay safe, dude,” the employee said as he swiped Sehun’s card, “And remember, there’s a late fee for every hour you don’t return rentals.”

“Thanks,” Sehun nodded before bending down to drag the boat out of the shop. 

And as he met Jongdae outside who was more than happy enough to help him carry the boat down not to the fishing docks but to the sand, the familiar sand, Sehun admired how nice the day was. The sun was shining gloriously, partly hidden by a few sparse clouds. The streets were busy and full of surfers dragging their surfboards to the beach, teenagers standing in line for ice cream as they adjusted their sunglasses, and a little child holding a blue cupcake with one hand and her mother’s hand with her other. But despite it all, Sehun could not help but shake the feeling of cold dread that raced through his veins and drowned out the relaxed scenery around the beach. 

If Jongdae felt the same, he didn’t show it, opting to smile at the sights around him, occasionally turning around to say things that Sehun could only barely respond to. 

“When we come back, let’s get blue cupcakes again,” Jongdae said, turning his head to look at the child’s cupcake even after they had passed her. 

“I’ll buy you as many as you want when we make it out there alive,” Sehun said. 

“You don’t have to come with me, Sehun. I don’t know why you insisted,” Jongdae said as they took their first steps on the sand.

“I have to,” Sehun said, “And I won’t change my mind. I’m going with you, and I’m helping you sail away from everything as soon as you’re done.”

“Remember to not get involved,” Jongdae said as their feet began sinking deeper into the sand, burdened by the added weight of the boat.”

Sehun motioned for Jongdae to place the small boat down. It would be easier to drag the boat in the sand now. 

“Yeah, yeah…let you do your merman thing while I hide behind the rocks and pray no one questions why I, a human, am around,” Sehun said as they pushed the boat away from the inhabited parts of the beach. 

“If everything goes well, we’ll be in and out without anyone realizing,” Jongdae said as they approached the water and began pushing the boat onto the waves. But today, the sight of the waves crashing on the shore unsettled Sehun and made him feel uneasy. What if the waves grew stronger and bigger and crashed into their boat? What if their boat sank? 

Sehun winced, drawing back his foot as he touched the water at first. But Jongdae didn’t even flinch as the cold waves washed over him, the water lapping at the edge of the boat and their feet. Slowly, they carefully pushed the boat into the water, Sehun placing bags with towels and some food and fresh water inside. Soon, when the water reached their thighs, Jongdae stopped pushing for a moment. 

“Get into the boat, Sehun. I’ll push us into the ocean, “Jongdae said, motioning for Sehun to step inside. 

“No, I’ll—” Sehun began to say before Jongdae interrupted him. 

“It’s okay, Sehun. Go. It’ll be easier. You shouldn’t stay in the water so much,” Jongdae firmly said. 

Sehun conceded and cautiously stepped into the boat, grasping its edges to steady himself as the waves rocked it back and forth. Though despite the boat comfortably floating on top of the water, Jongdae didn’t get in. 

“Jongdae, I’m not sure if this is exactly a good idea,” Sehun said as Jongdae was pushing them along quickly. “What if you get caught? Seen? This defeats the purpose of taking a boat you know.”

“Hush, Sehun,” Jongdae said, focusing his energy on pushing Sehun alone, “Merpeople don’t come out this close to shore, so we’ll be okay for now. I’ll get into the boat when we get closer. You should save your energy for rowing when we get back.” 

So Sehun fell silent as he allowed Jongdae to swim them further and further away from the shoreline. Months ago, he would’ve felt nervous at the sight of this city, his city, slowly fading into the distance. But now? Today? He felt nothing but cold determination. After all, it was easier to come back to the things he left behind. He would return to the shore when this was all done. He would. 

As he continued sitting in the boat, he couldn’t help but think of how he still hated the ocean. Even now, even after everything Jongdae showed him, he still hated the ocean. Sehun hated the way that it was too big, too vast so he couldn’t ever know exactly where he was because everything looked the same, every fish looked the same, every territory looked the same. And yet, Sehun still couldn’t help but smile briefly as nothing but blue stretched out for miles, the city finally disappearing from the shoreline. Because Jongdae was here after all. Jongdae was right here pushing them along, and if the ocean was Jongdae’s home, then Sehun wouldn’t mind being here. 

As they grew closer to where they were supposed to meet Baekhyun and Sunyoung, Jongdae pulled himself into the boat, making sure to do so without overturning it. Sehun reached his arms out to catch Jongdae, gently help him adjust to his surroundings before his tail disappeared and formed legs. This time, like most of the more recent times, it didn’t take Jongdae very long to change back. 

Sehun then pulled out a paddle and began rowing. Jongdae had stretched out his arm to pick up another paddle to help row, but Sehun refused to let him, saying that he should just rest since he had done so much already and pushed them so far. So Jongdae wearily sat back into the boat and kept his eyes on horizon to watch where they were going. But Sehun had his back to the ocean, so he just focused on Jongdae as he rowed them to the meeting point. 

Suddenly, Jongdae stretched his neck to peek over Sehun’s shoulder and pointed in the distance. 

“There,” Jongdae said, “That’s where we’re going.”

Sehun turned to look in the distance, and with a jolt, could only stare as a small mountain loomed in the distance. It was not unlike the little caves they had visited and swam past before, but this one was bigger. 

“Take the back entrance,” Jongdae said, as if Sehun would know which way was the front or back. As Sehun rowed them closer and closer while following Jongdae’s directions, he was most definitely unsettled by the fish that swam quickly to the surface, some knocking against the side of the boat. 

“We’re in the right place. Just keep rowing us in,” Jongdae said as they reached the back entrance of the mountainous cave. But Sehun couldn’t see any rocks, any jagged formations inside because there was nothing but black. 

“Into that black hole?” Sehun said, glancing questioningly at the darkness in front of him. Suddenly the blue horizon looked much more inviting than this…this abyss. 

“Trust me,” Jongdae said and pointed onwards, urging Sehun on. 

Rowing into the darkness and trusting that they wouldn’t crash into rocks was a complete act of faith and a little bit of luck. But Sehun trusted Jongdae who seemed to know exactly when to turn despite him not being able to see anything at all. Maybe merpeople just had better vision than humans. Light began to slowly filter in, and Sehun could see the faint outlines of his own hands as they rowed further into the cave. Soon, Sehun was able to make out faint traces of the rocks they had been so close to crashing into. And finally, Sehun could see, or at least see as best he could given the dim lighting, the jagged rocks that they sailed in between, the dangling stalactites that protruded from the high ceiling, and some flat ground made from weathered rock ahead of them. 

“We can hide the boat here,” Jongdae said. As Sehun stilled the boat’s movements, Jongdae climbed out of the boat and began tugging it onto the rocky surface. Some of the rocks scraped the side of the boat, and for a moment Sehun tried to remember if scratches and bumps were covered in his rental contract. Jongdae then reached out a hand to help Sehun out of the boat, a hand that Sehun gladly took and didn’t let go of even after they had hid the boat behind some rocks. 

Breathing deeply, Sehun allowed Jongdae to lead them through the cave that opened up into a vast cavern with a higher ceiling and little holes that light trickled through. In the middle of the wide space laid a raised rock formation surrounded by a large, circular pool of water that was also enclosed by the same flat rocks that protruded from the water. Within moments, two figures ran towards them, darting over the rocks, waving rapidly and jumping up and down as they approached. 

Sunyoung and Baekhyun. 

“What are they trying to say?” Sehun asked Jongdae, making a point to just stare above them. 

“I guess there’s only one way to find out. Stay right here,” Jongdae said, shrugging himself out of his clothes before he jumped into the water where Sunyoung and Baekhyun soon followed. 

As Sehun knelt down on the cold, rocky surface and sat, he finally realized he was alone in a dark, dim cavern miles and miles and miles away from the city where he could not shake that persistent feeling of unease. But now he simply credited the feeling to the eerie nature of this cave. He didn’t have to suffer alone too long at least, as within a couple of moments, the three of them resurfaced. Sunyoung and Baekhyun remained somewhere underwater while Jongdae climbed onto the rocks again, water dripping off of his body. Sehun tried hard not to stare. For a second, he didn’t try hard enough. 

“It’s supposed to be starting soon,” Jongdae said, “Now we sit and wait until the merpeople have gathered. Sunyoung will address them underwater when they’re here before I’m supposed to swim towards the center and sing.”

“Will it be easy for you to swim away after you finish?” Sehun asked, the distance between where they were and the center rock formation looking vast and much too far. 

“I think they’re supposed to take turns singing alone or together after I’m done, so I think I can sneak away,” Jongdae said, “This was supposed to be an illegal singing concert anyways. I guess I’m just the opening act.”

“Does the queen know that these secret concerts happen?” Sehun asked, the cold feeling of unease still biting at him. 

“Yeah,” Jongdae said, “But they usually have some merpeople on lookout usually…Everyone swims away before her guards have a chance to arrest anyone. But of course there are those who don’t escape sometimes.”

“Do you think—” Sehun began to say before he gasped as the water began to ripple, sending waves across the whole pool. Suddenly, the water was overflowing with different colored tails, different faces, different merpeople poking out of the water curiously. But soon, the water stilled. 

“I guess Sunyoung’s addressing them now. I wonder what she’s saying,” Jongdae thoughtfully said, not gazing underneath the water where all those merpeople were waiting for him, but towards the center rock where he was supposed to sing soon. 

“Probably something serious like…For too long we have sung in secret. For too long we were forced to meet like this. hidden in the dark as if we are ashamed, wary of our voices. For too long the queen has wrongfully imposed the singing ban on us who live to sing and sing to live. And while there have been many attempts to rebel against her, lead by many brave merpeople, those attempts have notably and obviously failed. But the most recent attempt? Led by Jongdeok? That was our closest chance until he, too, died. But here is his brother, Jongdae, returned to us, whose voice was once lost but now found. Behold, the voice of someone brave enough to defy the queen and sing!” Sehun projected his voice as Jongdae looked at him amusedly before letting a small smile seep through his features. 

“You sound scarily like her,” Jongdae chuckled as the last of Sehun’s speech finished echoing around the cave, “But I don’t know about being brave, Sehun. I’m running away after this.”

“You’re brave enough for coming out here,” Sehun shrugged, “You didn’t have to, you know. You could’ve let this event happen in peace without your presence. You could’ve chosen not to help. But you did anyways. You’re here anyways.”

Suddenly, the merpeople resurfaced and poked their heads out of the water, gasping as soon as they saw Jongdae. Sehun, who was partially concealed in the shadows and among the rocks, was safe, but he could not help but empathize with the merpeople. He knew too well the look of wonder that was written over their countenances when they gazed upon Jongdae. It was a recognizable look even if it appeared on faces he had never seen before. Unlike the rest, Sunyoung and Baekhyun were grinning as they resurfaced near the center of the rock and beckoned for Jongdae to come forth. 

Jongdae turned away from the crowd’s eager eyes as voices shouted across the room. Sehun didn’t understand some of the languages that some of the merpeople shouted, but he could pick out a few phrases from the languages he was familiar with.

_He’s alive?_

_Sing!_

_Jongdae, brother of Jongdeok, once the true king, is here?_

_Sing!_

_All hail the true king! The one who will free our voices again!_

_Sing!_

For a moment longer, Jongdae turned away from the merpeople and the center rock in order to stare at Sehun. Sehun couldn’t find the strength within himself to speak, so they gazed at each other in silence. It was a silence in which both knew what the other was trying to communicate anyway, as Jongdae walked forward to wordlessly place a hand on Sehun’s cheek. 

_Thank you for being here._

Sehun mirrored the action before gently pressing a kiss on Jongdae’s cheek. 

_You’ll be fine. I’m here with you._

With that, Jongdae took a deep breath, let his hand fall from Sehun’s face before slowly walking backwards, never taking his eyes off of Sehun until the last moment. Jongdae then turned to look at the water, and without a further moment’s hesitation, dove straight in and swam so elegantly and quickly to the center of the rock. As Sehun watched in wonder at the waves Jongdae caused splash up, he thought that anyone watching Jongdae now would have never guessed that he used to be afraid to swim, to breathe underwater, and to let the water seep over his head and embrace his body. 

When he reached the edges of the rock, Jongdae took Baekhyun’s outreached hand to help pull himself onto the surface. Even in the darkness, Sehun could pick out that flash of blue of Jongdae’s scales. Within seconds, Jongdae’s legs easily reappeared, and he stood strong, stood openly on the rock as he looked out into the sea of merpeople who, like him, would stop at nothing to sing. It was all Sehun could do to prevent himself from falling to his feet to the bumpy rocks below because when Jongdae opened his mouth to sing, he was overwhelmed. The whole cavern fell silent, as the only thing they could do was listen to Jongdae who sang powerfully, his voice carrying over the sound of nothing, the deafening silence, echoing loud and clear and true throughout the cavern. 

For a while, Jongdae sang so beautifully, so magnificently that Sehun was sure that if the queen were to hear him now, she’d lift the ban on singing immediately. There was no way anyone should be deprived of hearing Jongdae sing, singing like Jongdae sang. And if all merpeople sang like Jongdae sang, with this much heart, passion, and life, then Sehun understood why so many had died, suffered, and risked everything to remove the singing ban. 

After Jongdae finished his song and after the last echoes of his voice faded into the cavern, there was only silence. Sehun could see Jongdae look a little stunned, frozen, not sure what to do now. He was only there to sing, right? He could go home, right? But this seemed to freeze the merpeople, not send them into an inspired revolt. With uncertainty, Jongdae had begun to lower his foot into the water, preparing to swim back when the crowds of merpeople lifted their heads further out of the water and screamed. 

Their deafening screams echoed loudly into the cavern, a testament that they were here, that they had voices. His heart beating wildly, Sehun clutched the rocks, unsure of what was to happen next. When the screaming died down, a song, a tragically beautiful melody began to rise as the merpeople all began to sing. Some sang the same melody, and others harmonized mournfully. Sehun didn’t know what to think except all those rumored angelic choirs in heavens most definitely had nothing on these merpeople’s own singing. 

Sehun continued to watch, crouched behind the rocks as the merpeople continued to sing, swaying in the water and occasionally moving their arms. Jongdae himself was inching off the rock, searching for the least disruptive way to come back to Sehun. But there were too many merpeople in the water, and he could not avoid bumping into them if he wanted to swim back. Jongdae slowly lowered himself into the water to try anyway, but merpeople immediately reached out to touch him, to sing at him, impeding his progress as he fought his way back to Sehun. 

Nonetheless, Jongdae was making slow progress, gently pushing off the merpeople who tried to grab onto him, sending apologetic smiles as he just tried to swim past them, so Sehun really thought that they would be sailing out of this cavern in no time at all and be safely back on shore by the end of the day. He really thought. 

But of course, things had to go badly. 

Of course Sehun would have no idea what was to come. 

Of course Jongdae couldn’t just sing once and expect to leave so easily. 

As soon as Jongdae was halfway across the pool, a group of people heavily armed with spears carved from bones marched quickly through the side entrances of the cave before diving into the water. Sehun could not suppress a scream as he watched them begin to pull merpeople out of the water and subdue them. These weren’t humans were they? No, they had the look of the ocean in them with wild, turbulent gazes and wave-tousled hair. 

_The Queen’s guards!_

_Swim away!_

_Swim away!_

_Swim away!_

Some merpeople began to swim away, but were stopped by Sunyoung’s actions. They froze in their place as they silently watched her throw herself towards the guards, already fighting, already seeking to free the captured merpeople. In the split second that followed, chaos had struck like a merciless hurricane and swept everyone up in violence and screaming. Inspired by Jongdae’s singing and Sunyoung’s actions, the rest of the merpeople leapt at the guards that came to take them back to the queen, that came to lead them to the person that would take their voices. 

Sehun heard footsteps echoing behind him and knew, just _knew_ it couldn’t be good, so without a further doubt, he dove into the water, pushing aside merpeople in his haste to swim towards Jongdae. Jongdae who was still having a hard time swimming on his own as some merpeople continued holding onto him. 

“Sehun!” Jongdae called as he saw him, “They won’t let me go…”

“We must protect our rightful king,” a nearby merperson said. 

Whether they were holding onto Jongdae to protect him or to forbid him from leaving, Sehun didn’t know. But he didn’t care, and he already reached forwards to try and free Jongdae from their grasps. 

“I’ll protect him,” Sehun said, “Please let go of him.” 

He never got a chance to see whether or not the merpeople would have listened because suddenly some of the queen’s guards dove into the water and began beating down upon some of the merpeople that peacefully floated in the water. In an attempt to defend themselves and to protect others that were being attacked, some of the merpeople surrounding Jongdae quickly swam away. Sehun couldn’t watch them fight, as they were moving too fast, and frantically, he swam towards Jongdae, reaching him at last. 

“We can’t take the boat anymore,” Sehun shouted above the din, “the guards are all over there.”

“Oh god,” Jongdae said, pressing his body towards Sehun, “I knew this was a bad idea. Sunyoung got the revolt she wanted, but how are we going to get home?”

“We swim home,” Sehun determinedly said. But even he could not hide the little waver in his voice as he grew a little intimidated, a little frightened of somehow swimming all the way home from wherever this was. 

“Alright,” Jongdae said, leaning forwards to shape an air bubble that he placed so carefully over Sehun’s head. “We’ll stop periodically so you can rest, get warm, and eat something. We can do this. We can…We can do this.”

So Jongdae picked up Sehun and dove deep under the water to avoid the fighting, to avoid the guards that would drag him to their queen. Sehun let out a scream that was lost underwater, but he clung to Jongdae tightly. After a few minutes of swimming, Jongdae relaxed when no one seemed to be pursuing them, heading slowly closer to the surface of the water. He couldn’t speak here, and Sehun still didn’t know the merpeople’s language, so Jongdae just communicated silently with his expression and his touch. 

_Are you okay?_ Jongdae seemed to be thinking as he looked towards Sehun concernedly, his eyebrows slightly tilted upwards even more. 

_I’m okay. Since you’re here._ Sehun tried to communicate as he squeezed Jongdae’s arm. 

Along the way back, they passed by schools of fish and merpeople who looked at them curiously. But none of them stopped them, so Sehun thought that they were going to be okay, that they were really going to be okay, that they really would make it home by the end of the day. 

But he should have known. 

After all, there was plenty of time for things to go wrong, for people to drown, for the future to crash upon them within seconds because it wasn’t as if Jongdae wouldn’t be hunted, especially after so many knew he was back. Occasionally, shadows loomed in the distance…unknown shadows that neither of them could see clearly. Whether or not they were giant whales or clusters of guards waiting to snatch Jongdae up, they didn’t know. To be safe, they sought refuge in shipwrecks and waited for the shadows to pass. Though eventually, Sehun’s human body couldn’t safely last much longer underwater without consequences, so Jongdae had found them a cave, somewhere dry where Sehun could rest out of the water. 

Although the caves provided shelter, there was no fresh water, so Sehun had hoped he wouldn’t just…die here in the middle of the ocean. He still had things to live for. His friends. Those acceptance letters he’d never get to answer. His parents. Jongdae. So he just sat in deep thought and hoped he would make it back before he died or drowned all while Jongdae caught some fish for Sehun. Sehun half-heartedly ate the raw fish for both of their sakes, but he knew he couldn’t survive like this. How much further would they have to swim before they made it back?

S splashing sound interrupted his thoughts and caused Jongdae to tense, and the two of them to immediately leap upwards, ready to swim away just in case the guards had come back. Jongdae pressed a finger to his lips as he edged forwards to see what it was. As soon as he looked out past the rocks, he relaxed and beckoned for Sehun to join him. Sehun quietly joined Jongdae and watched as a merperson looked around the cave cautiously as if they were worried someone might see them. Without noticing Jongdae and Sehun, they hoisted themselves upwards onto a large rock and began to sing. 

Jongdae smiled as he watched the merperson sing and was just about to open his mouth to harmonize before the merperson let out a scream as a spear suddenly darted out of the water and impaled their tail. Armored guards surfaced quickly, and one barked orders at the others to collect the injured merperson. Sehun pressed a hand over his mouth to stop himself from screaming because fuck, it seemed merpeople were just as capable of terrible things as humans were. But Jongdae couldn’t help but let out an angry yell, which of course immediately alerted the guards to their presences. With a shout, one guard pointed at them, which was their cue to go. 

Jongdae immediately picked up some water, stretched it securely over Sehun’s head, before jumping into the water and holding out his hands. 

“Let’s go, Sehun,” Jongdae said, arms open for Sehun. Only Sehun. 

Sehun took a deep breath, staring at the water for a moment. He didn’t want to dive into the cold water again when he was just about to be completely warm, but he had no choice. The guards were swimming closer to them by now, so without a second thought, he jumped into the water, jumped into Jongdae’s arms, and off they went, swimming away as fast as they could. Though this time, there was only open ocean for miles and miles with no place to hide, no seaweed gardens to lose them in, no shipwrecks to conceal themselves in. As Jongdae swam forwards and Sehun looked back, he took the time to take a better look at the guards. Some of them had tails like Jongdae with shimmering scales of different colors, but others had larger tales that resembled the tails of a shark. While that was fascinating, Sehun was more worried about how fast the guards were gaining on them. 

When Jongdae dived downwards near the ocean floor, he exchanged a knowing look with Sehun as soon as they saw what beings were around. Jongdae swam deeper, slowing down just enough so that Sehun could pick up a few of the many octopi that crawled along the ocean. When Sehun picked up enough, Jongdae stopped for a dangerous second, the guards almost swimming close enough to reach them. 

Sehun mentally apologized repeatedly as he prodded the octopi in hopes of provoking them enough to spill their ink, but nothing happened as the guards swam closer to them. Jongdae wrapped his arms around Sehun’s body tighter, looking wildly at Sehun as he flexed his tail, preparing to either flee as fast as he could or to fight until the very last second if this plan failed.

Luckily, Sehun managed to provoke the octopi just in time as they squirted out large puddles of black ink into the faces of the first guards that appeared. Without another moment to spare, Jongdae swam them away from the rapidly blackening water to the nearest place to hide. 

Sehun didn’t know where the fuck they were if there were so many tiny caves dotted around the ocean…maybe an uncharted island or an unvisited cluster of rocky formations, but he wasn’t complaining after Jongdae quickly found another cave for them to hide in. It was perhaps neither the subtlest nor the safest place, but at least it was somewhere dry. 

“I can’t imagine how many merpeople must have lost their voices by now,” Jongdae finally spoke as he sat down before hovering his hand over Sehun’s body to remove any extra water and throwing the excess back into the ocean. 

“Don’t think about that, Jongdae,” Sehun shook his head, still shivering even if he was dry. “It’s not your fault.”

“If I do something, even just singing, then people get hurt. But if I do nothing, people still get hurt. I really can’t win,” Jongdae sighed, “My future is set. One way or another, I’ll have to do something if I don’t want more people to lose their voices. Or drown.”

“Do you want to now?” Sehun asked, “Have you changed your mind?”

Before Jongdae could even respond, two figures quickly emerged from the water. Jongdae tensed and reflexively grabbed Sehun’s hand, but relaxed only temporarily as he saw two familiar figures emerge and pull themselves on the rocky surface. 

Sunyoung and Baekhyun. 

They were Jongdae’s friends, his family after his parents and brother died, but here Jongdae was, sighing as he balled his hands into fists, watching them approach. 

“If they found us easily, then I’m sure the queen’s guards will be here soon,” Jongdae said before tiredly rubbing his face with his hands. “I knew this was a bad idea…such a bad idea. You’re not safe here, Sehun. You should’ve stayed home.” As Sunyoung and Baekhyun approached, they began rapidly tapping on his shoulder. 

“What? What is it now?” Jongdae snapped before looking immediately apologetic as Sunyoung and Baekhyun withdrew their hands and looked a little hurt. Jongdae sighed and fell to his knees. “I’m sorry, I know this is the only way you can communicate without your voice on land. I’m really sorry. But I don’t know what else you expect me to do. If my family wasn’t strong enough to fight the queen, then what makes you think I’ll be?” Jongdae looked up, stricken.

Sunyoung and Baekhyun looked at each other before smiling at Jongdae reassuringly. They held out their hands that Jongdae took before they led him to the water. 

With his heart hammering, Sehun couldn’t help but call out and reach out his arm as if he could somehow pull Jongdae back even though he had already left his side. 

“You’re only going to talk underwater, right? You won’t take him with you, right?” Sehun called out. Sunyoung and Baekhyun waved off Sehun’s concerns before plunging into the water. Jongdae remained for a second, his back turned to Sehun, but still facing sideways so he could address him. 

“Sehun, I am not going anywhere. I’m right here,” Jongdae nodded before wearily sitting on the rocks, sticking his feet into the water first and gently lowering his body in.

That was true, but Sehun didn’t know what else was in the water. What other guards, what other creatures were there in the water that might tear Jongdae from him? While he just wanted Jongdae to be safe, what would happen if he were stuck here? He didn’t think he could last that long without fresh water, and honestly what was he, a human who was very vulnerable to water and drowning, doing here anyways…? This was business that only concerned the merpeople, this was…this was—

_Jongdae._

There Jongdae was, pushing himself off of the rocks, water streaming from his torso, his head, his eyes flashing and livid. Sehun knew nothing of how a merperson qualified to be king or queen of all the merpeople, if they inherited the throne, if it was directly through challenging the previous monarch, but the cold aura Jongdae was emitting? The way he strode over to Sehun with his shoulders back and his chin up? This was true authority. Sehun could not speak for the queen since he had never met her and hopefully would never have to meet her, but if he were the queen, he would so willingly just concede and give up the throne to this powerful force of nature. Jongdae. This was nothing like the smiling, sweet, singing Jongdae that Sehun had grown to know. Because this Jongdae? This was the Jongdae that the pressure of his future, his fate, his fight had wearied, had beaten and mercilessly stretched. 

But once Jongdae reached Sehun, he took a deep breath. 

Inhaled. 

Exhaled. 

And smiled.

Jongdae smiled, some of the weariness melting off of his features as he reached forwards to hug Sehun tightly. Sehun could only hug Jongdae back, rubbing the damp skin of his back in order to reassure Jongdae that he was here for him, that so many others were here for him, that whatever Jongdae would do in the future would turn out alright. It just so unfortunately happened that Jongdae’s future was more so than anyone else’s entangled with the futures of everyone around him. What he chose to do impacted everyone else. What he chose to run away from impacted everyone else. 

“They want me to come back with them again, Sehun. They’ve begged me to claim my future, to seize my right to fight the queen, to win and ascend the throne in order to lead the merpeople into an era where everyone can sing freely as they wish,” Jongdae said after he slightly released Sehun from his arms so he could look up to him. Where there was frustration and rage before, there was only a fragile calmness and something else…something sweeter as Jongdae looked at Sehun. Sehun felt as if he was choking, drowning himself right now even though he was not even in water as he found himself entangled, caught in Jongdae’s gaze. 

“So what are you going to do now, Jongdae?” Sehun asked, “Now that you’ve been with your people again, now that you’ve seen them and heard them sing again. Don’t you want to help them? Help them sing properly and openly? Isn’t it killing them as much as it killed you to not be able to sing?”

“This is their last attempt to make me go back with them, Sehun,” Jongdae said, “If I don’t go with them now, they’ll fight this fight alone and never ask me again. But if I do go, then I’m with them with this cause until the end, however this will end in the future.”

“And what did you decide?” Sehun asked, his heart hammering. As long as he’d have access to some clean water and some food that was preferably not limited to just raw fish, he could stay. He could stay and support Jongdae. But Jongdae’s next answer caused Sehun’s heart to swell, his chest to slowly rise and fall, as it was his turn to breathe, just breathe for a moment. 

“I chose you,” Jongdae said, “I don’t know what I’ll do in the future, but for now, let’s go back. Let’s get you home.”

If Sunyoung and Baekhyun were disappointed by Jongdae’s decision, they never expressed it, as they simply nodded. They were reluctant to leave Jongdae though, and insisted on at least accompanying him and Sehun closer to the shore just in case anything were to happen. For a while, Sehun really thought he was going to make it back home before the sun fell from the sky and drowned in the ocean’s cold, churning waves. He really thought nothing could go wrong even though they were in the ocean surrounded by miles and miles of water inhabited by merpeople who wanted to kill them. He really thought he could smile and enjoy the moment as Jongdae swam him to shore, never once letting go of him. As if nothing could go wrong. As if nothing would go wrong. 

But it only took a moment, a few mere seconds for things to go wrong. 

One second for them to stop and take a break by a giant rock next to a coral reef. 

One second for Sunyoung and Baekhyun to begin a hushed conversation that Jongdae responded to in restrained arm movements and a quiet fluttering of his tail. 

One second for the movements of their bodies to cause them to drift away from Sehun. 

And a single second for Sehun to feel foreign arms grab him without faltering, without freeing, without fail. 

It took less than one second for Sehun to react, to try to twist himself out of this tight grasp only to find that whoever was holding him was much stronger than him. Less than one second for the rest of the guards to swim straight at Jongdae, Sunyoung, and Baekhyun, and less than one second for Jongdae to react in terror reaching out towards Sehun with panic. 

Sunyoung and Baekhyun had looked at Sehun with a combination of pity and regret before holding Jongdae back and swimming off in the distance. Sehun understood. Even if he was terrified and was so sure this was it for him, he still could understand that if Jongdae were taken, then they would have no chance at overthrowing the queen without that challenge being inevitable. This was why Jongdae was their priority. This was why they left Sehun behind with the guards even though Jongdae was screaming, twisting his arms to get back to Sehun, seawater, shock, and something else filling his mouth and suffocating him. 

And Sehun could feel his heart pounding, his breath choking as he watched Jongdae disappear into the distance, Sunyoung and Baekhyun relentlessly pulling him along. He didn’t know what would happen now, if he was going to die within the next few minutes, but for this single moment, he was calmed as Jongdae flashed him a single gesture before he disappeared into the dark depths of the ocean. 

It was a familiar gesture, one that they had exchanged before though under sweeter, slower, circumstance. It was a gesture that gave Sehun a rush of comfort all the same. Because when Jongdae pressed the side of his hand to his face before letting his fingers fall parallel to his forehead, Sehun knew. He knew. 

_I’ll find you._


	3. Chapter 3

Sehun wished he could have spent more time worrying about Jongdae, Sunyoung, and Baekhyun after some guards quickly pursued them with raised spears and cruel intentions. But really, he had to worry about himself now because the two guards that had not followed the others were busy dragging him off in the opposite direction. These guards did not carry Sehun the same way Jongdae gently did when they swam together, no. These guards each grabbed one of Sehun’s arms and swam as fast as they could through the ocean, never caring if they hurt Sehun, never minding if Sehun bumped into some coral or large fish, never hearing if he screamed until his throat was hoarse. 

While the guards pulled him forwards, Sehun was stuck looking backwards, looking at the fish that they passed by, the space that they left behind, all the water that surrounded them. So really he didn’t know where they were going until the guards spun him around and suddenly out of nowhere there he was in front of an enormous rocky mountain completely submerged under the water that was carved out by either years of erosion or the merpeople themselves. Or both. Sehun didn’t have time to absorb everything, but before the guards forced him into the entrance of the mountain, he caught glimpses of holes and crevices carved into the rock where fish hovered outside of, unable to swim through as if an invisible force had blocked them. 

Inside of what Sehun guessed was the queen’s castle was a large room completely submerged in water. Dark tunnels were carved all around the room, and before the guards dragged Sehun through one of the tunnels, a few merpeople peeked out and stared curiously at Sehun before their gazes lingered on his legs. But they quickly faded from view as the guards swam Sehun further into the tunnel whose darkness was only barely held at bay by a few floating, luminescent jellyfish. 

Eventually the water became shallower and shallower until Sehun could finally stand on shaky legs. Raising their heads out of the water, the guards exchanged a quick conversation in a language Sehun still couldn’t understand before pushing him upwards, the water continuing to recede until it barely touched his toes. Beside him, the guards lifted their tails out of the shallow water before their legs effortlessly appeared.

One of the guards stood and pointed in the darkness before yelling out a command. Sehun looked at him blankly before the guard emphatically pointed again and loudly repeated his order until Sehun timidly took a step forward. They wanted him to move, didn’t they? Though after such a long time spent being dragged around the water while being dehydrated and hungry, Sehun was fucking _exhausted_. And honestly Sehun wanted nothing more than to collapse on the damp, rocky walkway because the incline of the winding tunnel was taking more energy than he had to walk up it. But the guards persisted and roughly forced Sehun to keep walking, even if they had to lift him to his feet and carry him along every now and then. 

Eventually, the tunnel opened up to reveal a large room with high ceilings and windows that offered a glimpse of the ocean outside while staggered pools of water surrounded by rocky walkways lay around the room. The incline from the tunnel continued to rise up the room until it reached where a throne-like chair rested, half-submerged in water. 

And on that throne watching Sehun interestedly was a mermaid with a shining, spiky crown that rested on long, yellow hair. The mermaid reclined comfortably on the stone throne, her lower body submerged in the water. But the water could not dim the glow of her golden scales that gleamed much brighter than Baekhyun’s own yellow tail. When the guards pushed Sehun closer to the mermaid, she stared at his water bubble that somehow was miraculously still secure on his head, though her gaze soon flicked downwards and rested on his legs for a moment before she met his gaze and smiled. 

As the guards pushed Sehun down to kneel on the rough floor before kneeling beside him themselves, Sehun knew and smiled back at the mermaid. But it was not a friendly smile that he would’ve given his friends, would’ve even thought of giving Jongdae, no. Because this was the smile of a person who realized he was most definitely fucked…so absolutely screwed that the only thing left to do was just to smile and retrospectively reflect on all the past decisions that could have lead him up to this one moment. 

Because this was fantastic. 

Absolutely fantastic. 

Of all the people to meet, fish to see, dangerous creatures to avoid, of course Sehun just had to come face to face with the one merperson that was the primary reason that so many merpeople, Jongdae especially included, suffered. 

The queen. 

The fucking. Queen. 

The _queen_. 

And yet, Sehun could not bow or even lower his head, continuing to stare at the queen wondering why today was the day his luck decided to dissipate and leave him so damned, doomed, and done. 

Not taking her eyes off of Sehun, the queen lifted her tail out of the water until her golden scales dissolved to reveal legs that she swung over the side of her throne. Slowly, she walked towards Sehun before standing right in front of him. Still remaining silent, she wordlessly plucked off the air bubble that Jongdae had so carefully secured on Sehun and threw it back into the water with an amused chuckle. 

Even though Sehun could breathe in this air chamber, he was still vaguely terrified that he was going to drown any second, feeling more vulnerable without the one thing that had ensured he could breathe underwater. The queen then looked at her guards and raised her palm up before pushing it out, the guards’ cue to stand up and move to the back of the room. So now it was just Sehun and the queen. Face to face. Wonderful.

Sehun didn’t see any reason for him to kneel any longer, so he stood up weakly. Apparently all merpeople were shorter without their tails, as he felt just a little less intimidated when the queen only reached his chest. Their new height difference didn’t diminish the raw authority that she emitted, as she slowly walked around Sehun and spoke in different languages, pausing to check Sehun’s reaction. 

Sehun didn’t recognize most of the languages, and those that he recognized he wasn’t fluent in, so he just stayed silent and stayed still. But when the queen switched to Korean, she must have caught a glimmer of recognition in Sehun’s eyes because she continued speaking with a curl of her lips. It was not the same sweet, fond curl that Sehun found in Jongdae’s lips. 

“So you’re human,” she spoke, walking back to face Sehun who impassively stared back. 

“What are you doing here?” the queen continued, “You don’t look too surprised to see merpeople, so I assume that Jongdae must have told you about us. He must’ve shown you his own tail a long time ago for you to look at us and not even seem surprised. How much do you know?”

But by now the exhaustion, the cold, the weight of everything that had happened crashed down upon Sehun, and he could only blankly stare as he tried to process everything. 

“Let’s try again,” the queen said, staring curiously at Sehun, “What’s your name?”

“Human, do you have a name?” the queen repeated a little more forcefully when Sehun still would not answer before snapping her fingers and shouting at her guards who rushed to her side in an instant. “Twist his arm. Let’s see if he has a voice.”

The guards then roughly grabbed Sehun’s arm, one holding him down while the other mercilessly twisted his arm backwards until he had no choice but to shout out in pain.

“Good,” the queen nodded, “There’s enough mute merpeople here. It would’ve been a pity if you were mute. Now that I know you have a voice, do answer…If you won’t tell me your name, what are you doing here? What were you doing here with Jongdae?”

Sehun continued to stay silent more determinedly this time, as he didn’t want to give away anything, didn’t want to give away Jongdae. 

“Fine,” the queen said, crossing her arms, “I’ll do the talking. Just tell me if I’m right.”

Sehun remained still. 

“My guards said you were with Jongdae,” the queen said before beginning to pace around Sehun once again, “You know he comes from a long line of traitors, right? They were right to take you if you were with him, and while why he would risk jeopardizing us merpeople to you, a human, confuses me, it’s all clear now. You came here, you survived and braved this ocean with nothing but a little bubble over your head. Only Jongdae or another merperson could have fashioned that, and he wouldn’t have done that if you weren’t important to him, if he didn’t care if you drowned. He cares for you, human. And I think there’s only one reason why you would risk your life coming all the way here in the middle of the ocean so far from your home. You care for him, too.”

Sehun held his expression tight, but he couldn’t control his eyes, the way they flashed alarmingly, concernedly at the mere mention of Jongdae’s name. He didn’t miss the triumphant look that crept over the queen’s countenance as she stopped moving to stand in front of Sehun once again. 

“Ah, Jongdae. I thought he was dead. We honestly all thought he was dead, you know. We didn’t hear from him after his voice was taken, didn’t see even a glimpse of anyone who looked like him in our waters after I was forced to kill his brother in accordance with our ancient codes,” the queen said, and smiled as she looked at Sehun’s clenched fists, “I see Jongdae’s told you about that. It’s not my fault, you know. I didn’t have a choice either. Do you think I enjoyed being challenged by his whole family? It’s kill or be killed, human. I know that concept is familiar to your people as well.” 

Sehun opened his mouth before he closed it again. 

“Ah…so close,” the queen sighed, “I’ll make you talk…Before—”

But before she could continue speaking, a guard rushed in and spoke a different language. Sehun caught a few familiar words, but he couldn’t understand. 

“It seems we’ll have to cut our talk short,” the queen said, turning her attention back to Sehun, “Jongdae and his friends are causing mischief, little riots here and there. Who knew that taking you would cause him to act up even more? Even when his brother was alive, he wasn’t involved in such nonsense so much.”

As soon as Sehun began to wonder how much fucking longer the queen would talk, the queen stopped to wave her arms at the guards who hurried to her side once again. But he was quickly disappointed when she resumed talking again. 

“Take him to a cell. Even if he’s Jongdae’s human, he’s still a human, so we’ll keep him alive. I’ve never seen a human this close before, never talked to one like this. So it’s such a wonderful opportunity to study humankind, isn’t it? I’m ready to open this one up and see what he’s made of,” the queen said, and while Sehun should have felt perhaps terrified at her ominous statements, he could only stare back and pray that Jongdae was somewhere safe, that his involvement in these riots wouldn’t lead to any harm.”

“Do your worst,” Sehun finally spoke as the guards dragged him away, his words echoing across the room. He sounded braver than he felt. 

The queen looked stunned for a moment before she smiled, pleased at Sehun who limply let himself be dragged back down the tunnels back to the water. Hopefully there would be air wherever he would be taken. 

But the sound of her laughter echoed in the rooms and haunted him even long after he had left her throne room.

ϟ

Luckily or unluckily, it seemed that the queen’s worst was just scientific experiments. Data collection. While Sehun hadn’t been physically harmed yet, he couldn’t help but feel wary with what the merpeople were going to do with the samples of his skin, his hair, and his blood that they took without asking. Honestly there was a paranoid part of Sehun that worried about Jongdae whenever they were together in the city because he couldn’t imagine what his own people might do to Jongdae had they discovered he was a merman. But now, he quickly realized with a cold shiver that he had forgotten here in the ocean he was the one who was considered the odd specimen, the mysterious being that everyone wanted to understand. 

At least they kept him alive though. 

At least they remembered that Sehun couldn’t survive like this. Cold. Dehydrated. Hungry. So at least they brought him fresh water that Sehun didn’t bother to think about its origins before thirstily drinking it all. But they only offered him raw fish and shredded kelp to eat. Sehun was sure he was going to hate sushi whenever he got out of here. If he got out of this prison cell. 

The prison cell Sehun had been thrown in was just a small room carved into the mountain with damp, rocky floors and water that occasionally dripped from the ceiling. There were no bars or doors that prevented Sehun from escaping, but rather a thin sheet of water that stretched from the ceiling to the floor. Sehun had tried once to step through the water, but the water resisted and pushed him backwards to the floor, stubbornly refusing to let him through. 

Similarly, the little window carved in the walls of Sehun’s cell that offered an outside look at the ocean and the fish casually swimming past him was not fortified with glass, no. The water seemed to be barely restrained by something…someone’s will, someone’s force. This water was gentler, allowed Sehun to stick his fingers and reach outwards into the ocean as if the fish that curiously brushed past his hand could help him at all. 

Still, whenever Sehun was left alone, he would crawl into the corner of his cell and allowed himself to panic. To be terrified. To be so fucking _scared_ because he was in the middle of the _ocean_ held here by the people who wanted Jongdae dead. And if whatever force keeping the water at bay suddenly ceased, then Sehun would be powerless, unable to do anything to stop the water that would rush into his cell and so easily drown him. 

But honestly, the queen had not opened him up the way Sehun had been bracing himself for, no. She brought no knives, no spears, no sharp objects to cut him up with when she finally came to him, effortlessly gliding through the screen of water like it was nothing while guards moved what looked like a table and chairs made from the bones of something into Sehun’s cell. She only brought herself, some parchment made from some dead marine creature’s skin, something to write with, and a pot of squid ink. 

Because she came here to open Sehun up with nothing but words. 

Words, questions so terrifying that Sehun knew that if he ever escaped the ocean and made it back to shore, back to his beach, back to his city, back to the safety of his home, he’d never be the same again. 

“I’m curious about how human minds work,” the queen said as she sat on the chair and faced Sehun. Sehun didn’t feel like sitting on a pile of unknown bones, but he had no choice as the guards lifted him up and shoved him onto the chair before pushing him into the table. “So I’ll just perform a test that’s common in my culture. I’ll give you two options, and all you have to do is to choose between them as quickly as possible.” 

And Sehun laughed. 

Sehun hysterically laughed because he realized in this moment that hell wasn’t a fire pit, a black void, or anything even close to that. Hell was sitting on a pile of bones ripped from some dead creature deep under the ocean while the enemy of someone he cared so deeply for asked him to choose again and again and again, expecting him to be able to answer in a split second. As if his indecisive self could even decide. As if his hesitant self would even know what to say. 

“Day or night?” the queen began to ask. 

To Sehun’s credit, he tried. 

He really did, pausing a moment just to think. While the queen probably expected a quick, reflexive answer, Sehun…couldn’t decide. The day was pleasant. He could do all the things he wanted to like have lunch with Jongin and Soojung and go to the beach. But night? Night was also wonderful, so—

“Hot or cold?” the queen asked, looking disapprovingly at Sehun as she continued on, not waiting for him to answer. Clearly he was taking time far above the time limit. 

Sehun took a deep breath and still could not decide. When it was hot, he wasn’t cold, and when it was cold, he wasn’t hot. He considered both temperatures sweater weather anyways, so—

“Black or white?” the queen moved on, looking troubled with Sehun’s lack of answers. 

Sehun clenched his fists and took another breath, feeling a wave of frustration build up inside of him. Who was he…who was he that he couldn’t even answer these simple questions and choose quickly? Who was he that he couldn’t even easily decide between such basic matters? If he couldn’t even decide between two colors, two times, two temperatures, then how was he was supposed to—

“Hear or touch?” the queen continued to mercilessly ask, always moving on right before Sehun could even finish struggling with himself for an answer. 

Sehun felt angry tears leap to his eyes as he couldn’t even answer this. Because how was he supposed to choose? He liked hearing Jongdae sing, Jongdae laugh, Jongdae speak. But he also liked touching Jongdae, feeling his hand in his, feeling the softness of his skin, the weight of his body as he held him, and the—

“Can you answer anything? Why can’t you answer?” the queen shook her head, “Humans…are you all this indecisive? This unwilling to make decisions? How do you get anything done if you’re all like this?”

Sehun looked up to the damp ceiling and tried to force his tears back into his eyes. He would not cry in front of the queen. He would not cry in front of the queen. He would—

“How about a simpler question then?” the queen asked, noting Sehun’s behavior with interest. “The past or the future?”

With that Sehun pressed his lips together and turned away. How was that any simpler? Any easier? The past for him held many fond memories, but what was the point if he couldn’t come back or return to it? But the future was equally worse because—

“If humans really are like you, I’m disappointed,” the queen shook her head as she picked up her parchment paper, blank with all of Sehun’s lack of answers, and strode out the cell with a toss of her long hair. 

Sehun waited until he was sure he was completely alone before he stood up from the pile of bones and crawled back to that damp corner with shaking arms and lowered his head into his arms. If he couldn’t even choose between these simple things, how was he supposed to choose what he was going to do after graduation? What was he going to do in the future? The future, the future, the fucking _future_? After a while, Sehun simply brushed his hot, angry tears off of his face and breathed. Fuck the future. He was here in this cell right now, so this was the only thing he should focus on.

There wouldn’t even be a future for him to even contemplate if he could not escape from this cell under the ocean alive.

The queen came every day to interrogate Sehun, to understand how his mentality worked, to see if he had any different answers. 

Each time, even though the options, the questions were the same, Sehun could only sit silently, always thinking far too long, unable to give a definitive answer before the queen quickly moved on. And for the first few times, it was the same. Sehun would sit there, honestly try to think about what to choose before growing increasingly frustrated as he couldn’t answer in time, couldn’t decide in time. 

All until one day. 

One day the queen was ready to ask the same questions and expect the same answers. But before she could ask, a guard frantically interrupted her to pass along a message. 

“The rebels have started massive riots, your highness. The guards have interfered, but they couldn’t do much because everyone evacuated the area due to high levels of blood spilled,” the guards said, “What should we do?”

“It seems they’re more wary of the sharks than they are of my guards,” the queen mused, turning her back on Sehun for a moment. “Send more troops. I want this revolt suppressed before any more die. And bring me Sunyoung, Baekhyun, and Jongdae. Alive. For now.” With that, she turned back, dismissed the guard, and began arranging her notes. 

In that moment, Sehun, who had been surviving on fresh water and raw fish of questionable origin, who had been subject to these tireless, tiresome tests every day, who had been living in the fucking ocean for the past few days, who was ready to tear the queen apart if she harmed Jongdae or his friends, had run out of patience. He _snapped_ and slammed his fist on the table. 

“You want me to decide between your options?” Sehun said, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes flashing with something dangerous in his gaze, “Then let’s play your game. Do your worst.”

“Finally. A glimpse of your spirit,” the queen amusedly said, looking up from her parchment, “I wonder why it took so long for it to appear, but I’m not complaining. Now tell me, human. Day or night?”

Sehun couldn’t choose between these two options, so he did the only thing else he could. He made his own fucking option. 

“The whole entire day,” Sehun declared, “All of it. The morning, the afternoon, and the night.”

“Sehun,” the queen said, looking confusedly at Sehun, “That’s not one of the two options I gave you, so—”

“But it’s my answer, _my_ decision,” Sehun nodded, feeling more sure of himself as he continued to speak, “And isn’t it time to move on to the next question? Why are you slow today? Is it because you’re distracted by this rebellion that’s coming to take you off your throne?”

The queen flashed a warning look at Sehun before folding her hands together. 

“Hot or cold?” the queen asked.

Sehun leaned back into his chair and relaxed, ignoring for a moment that these chairs were made out of the bones of who knew what, and smiled. Now this smile was the sort of smile that he gave his professors when they asked him questions that they thought he wouldn’t know even though he answered perfectly well enough moments later, and a smile that his parents disapproved of because they did not raise their son to be arrogant. But it was a smile that Jongdae loved all the same because it was Sehun’s smile and any smile of Sehun’s was beautiful. Even if he looked like an absolute dick with his crooked, one-sided smirk and confident gaze. 

“Room temperature,” Sehun smugly said. He didn’t know if he could ever choose in a split second between these options, but these were his own answers. And that had to be good enough. 

The queen’s expression grew darker and darker, and she scowled at Sehun’s reluctance to cooperate. 

“Black or white?” she said through gritted teeth. 

This was the easiest answer. 

“Blue,” Sehun said, thinking of the flash of the once blue bottle that still remained on his mantle back home, the deep blue of the ocean at high noon that contrasted from the pale blue of the sky, the synthetic blue of the frosting of cupcakes, the luminescent blue of those blue dragons that weren’t actually dragons but tiny mollusks. 

And of course this blue. 

His favorite blue. 

Jongdae’s blue. 

That shimmering, iridescent blue that always seemed familiar even when Sehun encountered it for the first time, that blue that stood out to him even when they were miles underwater, that blue that would ruin all other shades of blue forever for him because Jongdae’s blue was the most beautiful, brightest, boldest blue he had ever seen and loved in his whole entire life. 

“Are you finally slowing down? Is that all you can answer for now?” the queen said, shaking Sehun out of his thoughts. Oh…it seemed he had missed the next question. 

“No matter,” the queen said, “you always falter on the last question anyways. Should I even bother asking you?”

“Ask me,” Sehun dared. 

“The past or the future?” the queen asked.

Sehun leaned forwards from his chair, placed his hand on the table made from bones, and leaned forward until he was staring closely at the queen. 

“The present,” Sehun calmly and clearly said, not once wavering, not once looking away from the queen’s gaze. To her credit and attesting to her regal composure, the queen looked at Sehun until she smiled wryly and chuckled. 

“Defiance. It seems it’s more rampant in humans than merpeople. I don’t like that,” she said before standing up and walking towards the exit of Sehun’s cell. 

“I don’t know about that,” Sehun called out, feeling triumphant at last, “Aren’t some merpeople of yours trying to overthrow you? Continue their rebellion until a different monarch is crowned? Sunyoung and Baekhyun are coming for you. And Jongdae? He’s coming for you. He won’t fight you, but that’s not to say that he won’t help until he sees you off the throne. You know he inspired a whole pool of merpeople with his singing, right? Then you know he’s dangerous. You keeping me here’s only going to make him madder.”

“He will have to fight me if he’s here. This is the way of the merpeople after all. Vengeance demands vengeance. It is his right,” the queen said, stopping in her tracks, turning to look at Sehun. 

“Just secede quietly. Without violence. You’ve taken his mother, his father, his brother, his voice from him. You’ve taken enough. The future is now, and I don’t think the mer codes are popular with the future generations,” Sehun said.

“That’s not how it works in the ocean, human. You know nothing. So as long as Jongdae lives, I know there will be a day when we will have to fight. Whether it will be tomorrow, next week, or next year. So I will take until he has nothing left, until he will no longer be a threat. And after I take you, I will take him, too. This is how power is maintained and the future secured,” the queen firmly said before turning back around and retreating. 

“He’s coming for you,” Sehun could only say in farewell as the queen left. But his earlier bravado faded as he crawled back into the corner of his cave and wrapped his arms around himself. He was in a dry cell so he could pretend like he was on land, but that illusion did not last long, as the anxiety that knowing he was submerged deep underwater was making him feel unsettled. One crack in the wall and he’d drown. One wrong move with the queen and he’d drown. And not that he lacked faith in Jongdae, but if his rebellion didn’t succeed, then he would be stuck here until he died. That boat he rented was long overdue by now, and Sehun couldn’t begin to imagine the late fees and the replacement fees he’d have to pay if he ever escaped from here.

Sehun wanted to go home, but he didn’t want Jongdae to do something he was not ready for and something he didn’t want to do. But the thought of Jongdae out there coming for him was reassuring. It made the piles of kelp he used as makeshift blankets seem warmer, the raw fish a little less rancid, and his future actually somewhere away from a place like this. 

It wasn’t hard to stay optimistic about his situation, though, as the guards often frantically whispered to each other as they traded shifts or talked to each other while on shift together. It seemed that the rebellion was sweeping across the territories around or near the castle and slowly creeping towards the queen’s castle. The guards couldn’t fully stop them, and oftentimes those who resisted would disperse before the sharks came hunting the spilled blood, so there was no way that anyone could be captured unless they wanted to risk swimming in shark infested waters. 

“Do you think he’s the one? The one to defeat the queen?” one guard whispered frantically as they stood outside Sehun’s cell. Sehun slowly crawled a few steps near the entrance of the cell to listen better. 

“Don’t say that,” the other guard snapped, “If the queen hears, she’ll throw you in there along with the human for such words.”

“He’s coming for the human though,” the other guard whispered, “And what does he have left to lose? The queen’s already killed his family.”

“But don’t you remember? He ran away for a year to chase his voice. He doesn’t want to fight the queen. He’s probably scared of her,” the guard argued. 

“Then tell me why everyone says he’s at the forefront of the rebellion leading the fights at the front lines with his two friends, those two merpeople who’ve been at Jongdeok’s side before, too,” the other guard gesticulated wildly. 

“He’s coming for the queen,” Sehun interrupted them to say, feeling pleased when they jumped back, startled by his sudden interjection. 

The second guard glared at him before switching languages to converse rapidly to the other guard. Sehun didn’t understand this language, but he was sure that they were talking at least a little about him just from the way they glanced warily at him every now and then. 

Good. 

They should be afraid. 

Jongdae was coming for him after all. 

But even if the guards seemed concerned with the situation outside the castle walls, the queen seemed unbothered, still showing up to interrogate Sehun with the same questions expecting different answers. Answers that she wanted. Sehun honestly was just glad to entertain the queen for a while, switching up his answers now and then to confuse her data or whatever she observed, but never once did he choose from the two options she gave him.

“You insist on this every time,” the queen shook her head as she scribbled something onto the parchment paper, “You humans are much too stubborn.”

“I’m only one human,” Sehun said. Recently he drank a whole pitcher of fresh water, so he felt energized enough to talk more to the queen who could probably kill him any time she wanted with a snap of her finger. “There’s plenty of stubborn humans, yes. But there are also plenty of stubborn merpeople. Surely you know that by now.”

“If you’re implying that humans and merpeople are more alike than I think,” the queen said, looking up from her writing, “then you’re wrong. We may share some similar physical attributes, but that is all. We have lived peacefully for thousands of years, but it was the humans who polluted our waters, overfished our territories, and killed so many of us. We are nothing alike.”

Well. Sehun couldn’t really argue with that since humans were quite responsible for countless oil spills and all the havoc wrought on marine life, so for a moment, he let the queen resume writing before he quietly spoke again. 

“Why are you so interested in humans?” Sehun asked, expecting some answer about wanting to further knowledge and scientific studies just like how humans would respond when asked why they wanted to study fish, the ocean’s ecosystem, marine biology.

Instead, the queen put down her writing and stared at him, her eyebrows furrowing and her lips pressing into a hard line. They stared in silence, each not daring to look away from the other until finally, the queen spoke. 

“Because you killed my sisters. And countless others of my people,” the queen spoke, “So I want to know why. I want to know what type of monsters could be responsible for such a thing when we’ve done nothing to you in recent history.”

Suddenly Sehun remembered what Jongdae had told him a long time ago, that the queen’s sisters and other merpeople were singing together until sailors discovered them and captured them. Killed them because they couldn’t wait until they reached the shore to open them up and see what was inside. 

“I’m sorry about your sisters,” Sehun said, “but you’ll gain nothing if you study me and hope to learn about those humans. There are some humans like those sailors who would harm your people, but there are others who wouldn’t.”

“And which type are you, human?” the queen asked, breathing deeply after the mention of her sisters. 

“Obviously someone who wouldn’t. But also among those who want to know why you imposed a singing ban even when it’s killing your people,” Sehun said.

The queen stared at Sehun before shaking her head. 

“It seems you’ve retained nothing,” she said, the ghost of a wry smile appearing for a moment before disappearing, “I imposed this singing ban because singing is what attracted the sailors to my sisters and the others. Singing is what killed them.”

“No, the sailors were responsible,” Sehun argued, “singing had nothing to do with this.”

“Singing had _everything_ to do with this,” the queen angrily said, her eyes flashing, “If they hadn’t sang, then they would’ve still been alive.”

“Can’t you just make harsher restrictions on where to sing? So they can sing safely and ease your worries?” Sehun asked, leaning across the table of bones. Maybe if he could persuade the queen now, Jongdae wouldn’t have to fight her later. 

“What good would that do? You humans would find us anywhere as soon as we stick our heads out of the water,” the queen shook her head, “No, this is the best way. It’s the only way to keep all my people safe. Alive. I’m responsible for all of their safety, and they may hate me for this, but they’re still alive, aren’t they? They’re still breathing, right? They still have a pulse, right? You and all the others can wish that I were dead, but this singing ban is what’s helping us survive against your kind.”

Sehun didn’t think now would be the best time to bring up all the bloodshed that had been spilled by her own guards on the protestors, so he tried a different approach. 

“But just because your pulse races and your heart beats doesn’t mean you’re alive. Just because you’re breathing doesn’t mean you’re alive. You may be surviving, but haven’t you seen your people? The way so many look like they’re permanently in mourning because you won’t let them sing? It’s why some of them fight, you know. You think singing killed your sisters, but not singing is killing the same people you want to protect,” Sehun said, his voice growing louder and louder as he spoke. The queen waited in silence until the last echoes of Sehun’s speech faded before she responded. 

“Singing isn’t the only way to feel the rhythm of the music, human,” the queen shook her head, “the others should have adapted. My guards have. I have. It’s a pity those who still long to foolishly sing didn’t.”

“Adapt to what?” Sehun asked. 

“I believe you humans call it rapping,” the queen said thoughtfully, “We may not sing, but that does not mean rhythm is lost to us, ancient songs are lost to us. No, we take the words we want to say and ride the beats of our music. And we survive.”

“But some people still want to sing,” Sehun stubbornly said, “And since you’re their queen, shouldn’t you listen? Shouldn’t you have listened when Jongdae’s mother first challenged you? Risked her life to stop you and this ban?”

“Can you believe she doomed her whole lineage just to try and overthrow me?” the queen dryly laughed, “Because of her, either Jongdae will kill me in place of his mother, his father, his brother, or I will kill him.”

“It doesn’t have to be like that,” Sehun tried to persuade the queen this was exactly what Jongdae didn’t want. “Change the future. Abolish these codes that you insist on following so no one else will be hurt. Do you think Jongdae wants to challenge you? He’s been avoiding you this whole time because he doesn’t want to.”

“Then how do you think I felt? To be challenged to the death three times, to have to fight for my life three times,” the queen said, her jaw tightening at the memory.

“Save both of your futures. Abolish the codes. Lift the singing ban,” Sehun firmly insisted.

“If I do that,” the queen responded, “then who knows what will happen in the future? How many more will die because humans will have stumbled upon them while they sang?”

“Isn’t that the point of the future?” Sehun asked, “To not completely know what will happen until it happens?”

And suddenly he was struck with a realization that he could spend all his time agonizing over decisions to make, what his life would be like, what he wanted his life to be like. He could prepare his hardest, try his hardest, and make all the decisions that he thought would lead to a precise, controlled future, but really, there was no point. The future did not bend to human will, and anyone who ever tried to tame it, to seize it and hold it in their grasp always found that it escaped and trickled through the cracks of their fingers. 

“No,” the queen said, slamming her hand on the table as she stood up, the bones rattling together from the force, “I don’t know how many deaths will occur without these laws, but I know how many lives will be saved with them. This is the future I can control and the future I want. I will kill Jongdae to live, but no one else will die like my sisters.”

With that, the queen stood up and quickly left, knocking over her chair in her haste to escape their conversation. Sehun wasn’t sure if the water on her cheeks was from passing through the screen of water. Or something else. 

The rest of that day or for however long Sehun was left alone, he thought about Jongdae. How he genuinely hoped all of this didn’t have to end with the queen and Jongdae fighting each other to the death. How he desperately reminded himself that Jongdae was still out there, still coming for him. How he overwhelmingly wished to at least see Jongdae’s shimmering, blue tail, his beautifully curved lips, and hear his voice one last time if this were to end badly. 

While he didn’t know how this would end, he knew exactly what to say the next time the queen came to interrogate him despite the weight of their last conversation. These were the answers he knew even when he didn’t know very much, didn’t choose very much, and honestly these were the easiest decisions he had ever made in whole life. 

“Day or night?” the queen asked this time, appearing perfectly calm and composed as if their previous conversation had not occurred.

“Jongdae,” Sehun said so calmly and clearly. The queen looked up, slightly unsettled by the mention of Jongdae’s name.

“That’s not even remotely associated with the two options I gave you. The whole day, the afternoon…those answers you’ve given me before, I can understand. But him… _him_?” the queen asked. 

That was where she was wrong. Because it didn’t matter if it was the day, the night, or the afternoon. Anytime with Jongdae was good. 

“Aren’t you going to ask me the next question?” Sehun asked. 

The queen stared at him a moment longer before asking. 

“Hot or cold?” the queen asked. 

“Jongdae,” Sehun said. He’d brave the hottest of suns and suffer in the coldest temperatures as long as he was with Jongdae. It didn’t make a difference, this heat or this cold. 

“I don’t think there’s any more point in asking you these questions. I think I’ve learned all that I could from you,” the queen shook her head. Her words sounded ominous, but he was having too much fun, loving too much, choosing too much, so he continued when she would not. 

“Ask me the next question. I promise you’ll like the answer,” Sehun taunted. The queen contemplated whether or not she would fall for Sehun’s tricks, and perhaps in her own curiosity, she asked. 

“Black or white?” she asked, her stern gaze just daring Sehun to answer not how she wanted. 

“Jongdae!” Sehun laughed, clapping his hands together. 

With that, the queen scoffed and stood up, angrily striding towards the screen of water.

“Whether it’s hearing or touching, the present or the future, my answer’s always going to be the same. It’s Jongdae. It’s always going to be Jongdae, and while you’re spending time talking to me over irrelevant subject matters and feeding me raw fish, Jongdae’s out there gathering support, and he’s on his way. He’s coming for you. Jongdae is coming for you. Jongdae, Jongdae, Jongdae,” Sehun called out to her retreating back. 

The queen turned back, and for a second, looked so incredibly stricken and vulnerable. Perhaps she really didn’t want to fight Jongdae just as he didn’t want to fight her either. For a second, Sehun felt the tiniest bit sorry that the loss of her sisters had changed her into someone who thought suffocating her people and locking away their voices was the only way to keep them alive. 

“You forget you’re in here, trapped under the sea, so as long as I have you, Jongdae is powerless,” the queen said, “I could drown you anytime, you know? Then what will Jongdae do? He won’t know if you live or die as long as you’re here.”

But one of the queen’s guards rushed in, panting heavily as he fought to catch his breath, stammering out unintelligible answers.

“Compose yourself,” the queen sternly commanded, “What is it?”

“It’s the rebels, your highness,” the guard said between breaths, “They’re closing in, and they’ve gathered a crowd large enough to threaten the castle. They’re coming.”

“See? I told you. That must be Jongdae,” Sehun called, a wave of relief crashing over him because Jongdae was _coming._

“What are your orders? We’ve already fortified the castle walls and raised extra defensive measures,” the guard said. 

“Hide him,” the queen said, pointing at Sehun, “Hide him where Jongdae can’t find him. He won’t be able to act if we threaten his human.”

With that, she threw Sehun one last, unreadable look before striding out, one snap of her fingers causing the screen of water to fall and splash to the floor and another snap of her fingers causing more guards to appear. As they began entering the room, Sehun backed into the corner of his cell, preparing to fight his way out, or at least struggle as much as he could because he didn’t want to go _anywhere_. What if they forgot he couldn’t breathe underwater?

But for all of Sehun’s struggling and attempts to twist himself out of the guards’ grasps, he failed. He failed, the guards easily overpowering him and dragging him out of his cell while he screamed. One of them luckily remembered Sehun was human and stretched a thin film of water over Sehun’s head to let him breathe at least before they dragged him back down under the water through the dark tunnels and soon out of the castle and into the open ocean once again. 

Though instead of swimming off into the distance, the guards roughly swam Sehun around the castle to the other side. 

Now until this point, Sehun had thought he had been acting pretty civilly for someone who was abducted by some merpeople because he had only screamed once. Maybe twice. A little more if the internal screaming counted. 

But when the guards began swimming him a little further away from the backside of the castle, Sehun screamed again. Sehun screamed, trying to resist once again as he twisted his arms and flailed his legs because it seemed the castle rested on a high cliff and overlooked a fucking _abyss_. 

He was not going down there. He was _not_ going down there if that was where the queen wanted him hid. But despite his struggling, the guards held him in place while others began tying him up with ropes that were left floating near the ground. Despite his panic, Sehun traced the length of the rope until it reached the end of some large pole buried into the ground. Other ropes were attached to its end, and quickly, ten guards began pulling up those ropes that dangled off of the cliff. Why did it take so long to lift up those ropes? What were the ropes tied to? What was it about these ropes?

As they pulled the last of the long ropes up and over the cliff, Sehun’s heart fell out of his chest as he saw the giant boulder the end of those ropes were attached to. 

One guard pointed at Sehun before giving a series of commands with a flick of his arm and a flourish of his tail Sehun didn’t understand at first until the guards dragged him closer and closer to the rock. 

But he understood when they roughly pushed him to the rock. 

And he understood when they began tying him to the rock again and again until he felt as if he couldn’t breathe, the ropes strangling his chest. 

He understood and he screamed, trying his best to twist his limbs, to move, to free himself but failed. After the ropes had been tightened to the satisfaction of the guards, the guards then began pushing the rock Sehun was chained to off of the chasm. 

Sehun screamed as he fell, his eyes fixed on the blue waters above of him as he plunged into the abyss.

ϟ

Sehun didn’t know how long he had been falling. 

He couldn’t…didn’t want to count the seconds, the time that would tell him just how far down the ocean he was sinking. It was lucky that no dangerous sea creatures had seen or attacked him yet, and the only other life that Sehun saw as he continued to fall down the ocean was a couple of fish, looming shadows, and the occasional octopus. 

But all of the sudden he stopped falling, just hanging along with the rock that was suspended in the water by the ropes. While Sehun didn’t know how he wasn’t dead from the pressure or the temperature of the water or anything else, he wasn’t complaining. Maybe it was something in the food the merpeople gave him that he half-heartedly ate. Or maybe he wasn’t as far down as he thought. But whatever it was, Sehun was too scared to move, not that he could move anyways, too frightened to do anything except breathe. 

Because this…this was a true nightmare. 

He had fallen somewhere so deep in the ocean that for miles and miles and miles around him, everything was completely black. Just black. It was almost as if the night had dripped down from the sky and rained into the ocean, leaving its bright stars and lights behind. 

At least by some miracle the fragile bubble securely remained on his head so he could still breathe. 

Breathe. 

Breathe…

Because if it had burst, then Sehun would have experienced firsthand what it was like to drown in a black void and die in infinite oblivion. 

And while every single thing around him looked the same since everything was black, nothing was familiar, nothing about this perpetual darkness was familiar, so Sehun began to cry frightened, fearful tears that slid down his cheeks and dripped down at the bottom of the air bubble. He wanted to go _home_. Fuck the ocean and its infinity. Fuck the ocean and its odd creatures down here. Fuck the ocean and its—

What?

Straining against his ropes, Sehun squinted in the distance. 

Was that…a light?

A little light?

Sehun tried to calm down, biting back a sob as he stilled. While the light was growing closer and closer, he hoped whatever the fuck it was was friendly. 

And soon enough, Sehun came face to face with the light. 

Oh. 

It was just an anglerfish. 

Sehun briefly remembered a conversation he had with Jongdae before all of this, and now, after coming face to face with an anglerfish, he for certain never wanted Jongdae to come down here to lead an anglerfish upwards to shallower waters for him. This was too much. This part of the ocean was too much. The whole entire ocean was too much, and Sehun still felt like he was drowning in darkness choking on nothing but fear.

But the presence of the anglerfish calmed Sehun a little bit for a split second. Because even though here was a remarkably hideous fish with bulging eyes and mottled skin, it was nice to have something else here with him so that he didn’t have to brave this alone. For a while, Sehun watched the anglerfish swim in front of him until it began swimming away. He wanted to reach out even though he couldn’t and shout out even though he couldn’t for the anglerfish to stop and come back. As Sehun turned his head to follow the anglerfish’s movement disappointedly as it disappeared from view to his right, when he turned his head back to look forwards, a gaunt face illuminated by a light suddenly appeared mere centimeters away from him. 

Sehun screamed. 

Again. 

He didn’t want to know how damaged his voice and his throat would be if he survived all of this especially after all this screaming, but he screamed again and again, futilely twisting his limbs against the ropes as he fought to get away from whatever the _fuck_ that thing was. He didn’t care if he wasn’t heard, if no one else was out there to hear his screams because screaming felt right. Screaming was the right, reflexive thing to do because what else was Sehun supposed to do when he came face to face with _this_? 

But when the creature made no move to harm Sehun, just staring at him almost amusedly, Sehun stopped screaming, his chest rising and falling and rising and falling so rapidly as he looked at the creature again.

Like the anglerfish, this almost humanoid creature had a thin light protruding from its forehead. But unlike the angler fish, this creature, this being…had pale, gaunt skin…white eyes, and little thin black lines that ran throughout its skin. Veins? While the top half of the creature looked humanoid with its webbed fingers, its human-like torso, Sehun never had a chance to see what its bottom half looked like because this was as much as the light would illuminate. It was probably better for his peace of mind that he didn’t know anyways. 

The creature continued to stare at Sehun curiously, tilting its head as it watched him breathe. Sehun could not speak here and didn’t even know if the half-angler fish, half-human creature could speak the same language, so he just tried to communicate with his expression as much as possible that he didn’t mean any harm, that he wasn’t even part of the ocean for fuck’s sake. The creature continued observing him for another moment until it inched closer. And closer. And closer. Sehun bit his lip to avoid screaming again because the creature was much too _close_. The creature dangled its light in front of Sehun, examining Sehun’s body as it moved downwards and downwards until it reached Sehun’s feet. Sehun let out another cry as he felt webbed fingers poke and prod his feet before the creature swam back up face to face with Sehun again, gazing at him with wide, wide eyes. 

Now it looked at Sehun, took in his tear-stained face, his frightened eyes, and seemed to understand. At least Sehun hoped it did. The creature reached out, causing Sehun to squeeze his eyes shut, hoping he would not be harmed. But Sehun opened his eyes one again as he felt those cold, webbed hands rub his shoulders as if it was trying to comfort him. 

Feeling strangely calmer than he had felt since he had dropped down into this blackness, Sehun blinked and looked steadily at the creature that removed its hand to point upwards. 

What?

The creature continued to point up and up before it leaned next to Sehun and began biting at the ropes with its pointed teeth. Sehun, whose voice was much too sore to keep screaming like this, bit his lip and tried to stay calm, stay calm, stay calm…because even if this creature wasn’t going to harm him, what was he supposed to do once he was free? Die down in the dark with nothing but this creature, these anglerfish for company? 

Soon, the last of the ropes fell away, but Sehun still clung to the rock, his fingers desperately holding onto something that he knew even as the unknown loomed around him. But the creature began pulling Sehun away from the rock, and with another cry, Sehun felt himself torn away. The creature spun Sehun around until they faced each other, and with a free hand, the creature began pointing upwards again.

Oh. 

Sehun understood. He understood what the creature wanted him to do, what he would have to do if he was ever going to see the sun, see land, see Jongdae ever again. Mirroring the motion, Sehun pointed upwards as he nodded, understanding there was only one way he could go from here. 

Up.

He had to swim upwards. 

Pleased, the creature pushed Sehun towards the surface of the water, however far away that was, and Sehun began swimming upwards. It was easier to come back to something than leave it behind, so this was Sehun swimming with his heart hammering in his chest and his arms reaching for the surface of the water, reaching for the blue that he knew was somewhere up there, reaching for Jongdae, Jongdae, _Jongdae_.

ϟ

Sehun hated the ocean. 

He hated how absolutely powerless he felt at the mercy of the currents and the cold. He hated how overwhelmed he felt underwater, overwater, anywhere near the water because even though most of the ocean looked the same, everything was still unrecognizable anyways. And most of all in this moment, he _hated_ how much he had to tirelessly swim up and up and up without knowing how long it would take until he reached shallow waters again. 

Because for what seemed like an eternity, Sehun climbed, sifting through darkness as he slowly swam upwards, occasionally stopping out of paranoia that the changing ocean pressure might kill him.

Sometimes he felt or at least thought he felt something touch his leg, but he just quickly kicked before swimming onwards because if he were to stop and scream, he was sure he’d never make it back in time. But his patience was rewarded because Sehun was still not dead, and soon, the darkness began to grow lighter and lighter until it disappeared, finally brightening into murky waters. It was still not as bright as the shallower waters, but at least he could see himself, see the patterns of his wetsuit, the little fish that swam around him. 

Though after a while, Sehun began to grow tired. It was reassuring to know that he could continue swimming upwards and he’d be back where he was, but how long…how _long_ would that take? And when he came back, what would he come back to? Sehun shook out of his head images of Jongdae bleeding so heavily that the water around him turned red and simply focused on swimming. 

And swimming. 

And swimming. 

And swimming. 

After swimming until he completely ignored all the exhaustion and coldness, Sehun looked up and saw the opening of the large crevice he had been thrown into. With a new burst of energy, Sehun continued to swim upwards and upwards and upwards until he could grab onto the edge of the crevice and finally pull himself upwards and over the steep, rocky walls. He didn’t have time to rest, as he continued floating in the water, the backside of the castle looming closely. 

Swimming closer, Sehun began to see figures clashing against each other again and again and again. Could it be Jongdae? The others? Curious, Sehun swam closer until he could discern colors and faces more clearly. There was the bright glow of Baekhyun’s yellow scales as he thrashed against a guard and fought, quickly darting around to avoid counterattacks. There was the beautiful lilac of Sunyoung’s tail dancing between spearheads and fists. And there, between the darker shades of two guard’s gray tails shined that shimmering glimmer of blue. 

Jongdae. 

Sehun really almost collapsed right there as he was hit with a wave of gratitude because Jongdae was still alive. His friends were still alive. So he held on, determined to make it all the way to Jongdae again, his scratched voice sounding once again to scream his name, Jongdae’s name.

But of course, it wasn’t as if anything could go his way in the ocean after all. 

It wasn’t as if the ocean would be kind enough to give Sehun a break. 

It wasn’t as if the ocean would let Sehun escape its dark waves so easily.

If it would let Sehun escape at all. 

Because as soon as Sehun stretched out an arm to reach for Jongdae even though he was still far away in the distance, he felt arms grab him again. Of course he had to swim for whoever knew how long braving the darkness, the inky void only to be caught once again so easily. 

Of course. 

Of course. 

Of course.

This time, Sehun didn’t have the energy to fight back, to flail his arms around as if he were drowning, as if the least thing he could do to stay alive underwater was to move, to kick, to fight to breathe. Some guards grabbed his arms and dragged him through the water once again as they swam closer to the castle, closer to the battle between those who followed the queen and those who did not. Sehun let his hand that was stretched out to Jongdae fall, his body just fall limp, his eyes drooping from exhaustion. 

Jongdae, who had spent how many days fighting, would not stop fighting until Sehun was back to him, returned to him at last. It was a pity he was so focused on his opponents that he did not see Sehun meters away taken by the guards again. If Sehun was perhaps a little more conscious, he would have seen Jongdae fight his way through the guards blocking his path to the castle. He would have seen Jongdae eloquently draw a trail of blood using the water as his canvas, the jagged, bone-carved dagger as his brush, and anyone who stood in his way as the red paint he ripped dark colors from. 

Sehun closed his eyes for a moment, and it was almost as if he was submerged in the deep part of the ocean again. He saw nothing but darkness and heard nothing even though merpeople were fighting to kill, killing to live all around him. But he opened his eyes once again, opened them briefly to see a flash of blue that appeared closer than ever. He was too tired to talk even to himself, so Sehun simply thought that name over and over again in an effort to try and stay conscious, to stay calm. 

But suddenly Sehun was very much wide-awake when he felt arms pull him, pushing him against a body. These arms were firmly constraining, a little gentler than the guards, but the only thing Sehun could do was grab onto them, to feebly try to pull them off of his upper chest before he gave up and limply held onto the wrist. It was all he could do anyways, as when he slowly turned his head to see who was holding him, he knew there wasn’t much he could do anyways when he was here underwater and so incredibly weak. 

This was her ocean anyways. 

The queen’s. 

The queen held Sehun tightly against her body before swimming upwards high above the din of the silent battle. For a moment, Sehun dared to hope that the queen was returning him to where he belonged, returning him to land, to somewhere that was not the fucking ocean. But of course this was the queen who had kept him locked in a cell for who even knew how long, drilled him with psychological tests day after day after day, and who knew that she, too, was to fight Jongdae and kill him just like she had killed the rest of his family. So when she stopped, floated in the water for a moment before pressing something sharp against Sehun’s neck, Sehun wasn’t very surprised to learn that he was fucked. Again. So he smiled. 

It took a while for anyone to notice them suspended in the water like that, as everyone was occupied in the battle below, but the queen seemed unbothered, perfectly content to calmly hold Sehun against her while patiently waiting for others to notice. 

While they floated in the water, Sehun tried to as subtly as possible turn his neck to sneak glances at the queen. From the brief glimpses he stole, he tried to read her expression and guess what she might be thinking. 

One slightly raised eyebrow when Sehun was caught looking?

_Oh, you foolish human. Look where you are. Back with me. Did you really think you could escape so easily?_

That blank, unreadable expression in her gaze as she looked down upon the raging battle beneath them? 

_Perhaps more violence was caused, more blood shed than I intended. A pity._

And finally that hard line that her pressed lips formed as she looked the same way Sehun was looking, at the same being Sehun was looking, at the same color Sehun was looking?

_So he’s here. So Jongdae really did come._

Maybe the combined staring of both Sehun and the queen caused Jongdae to feel something, as he finally looked up, looked at Sehun, the dagger pressed against his neck, and dropped his own weapon without any hesitation. Jongdae’s dagger was heavy enough to sink down the water, and as Jongdae willingly disarmed himself, the guards around him looked at him in confusion before looking upwards. Understanding once they saw the queen, they sheathed their own weapons before grabbing Jongdae’s arms. With Jongdae taken, the rest of the rebel merpeople seemed more hesitant to keep fighting. Some swam away, frightened with what the queen might take from them for their actions, whether it be their voice or their life. Some hesitated long enough to be captured by the guards. But Sunyoung and Baekhyun kept fighting, uncaring that they were outnumbered. It had taken nearly seven guards to disarm and subdue them both. 

Pleased with how quickly the battle finished, the queen swam towards her castle, pulling Sehun along the way, knowing that wherever she went, the rest would follow. 

They did. 

Her guards bringing Jongdae, Sunyoung, and Baekhyun only showed up mere moments after the queen dragged Sehun towards her throne room, so Sehun didn’t exactly have to wait long to see Jongdae closer once again. 

Jongdae shouted as soon as he saw Sehun limply slumped against the queen who still pressed a dagger to Sehun’s throat. It was always Sehun.

“Jongdae,” Sehun hoarsely whispered, the only thing he had the energy to voice right now. It was always Jongdae. 

“Jongdae,” the queen called out, pushing Sehun downwards before placing a hand on his shoulder reminding him where he was. The queen then motioned to her guards to bring Jongdae closer to her. Jongdae attempted to twist his arms from the guard’s grasp, but was unsuccessful as they forced him to his knees a few meters away from Sehun. 

“Are you okay?” Jongdae frantically asked, straining against the guard’s grasps as he looked at Sehun up and down, “Are you hurt? Did she hurt you?”

“Jongdae,” Sehun could only reply in response. He had missed Jongdae, seeing Jongdae, hearing Jongdae in the time that they were forcibly parted, and he could only stare now to replenish himself of the sights he was deprived of. Jongdae was still just as beautiful as he was the first day Sehun met him in that tide pool all the time ago. 

“Are you hurt anywhere? When was the last time you drank any water? Had anything to eat?” Jongdae asked concernedly, ignoring the queen for a moment as he just spoke to Sehun as if it was just the two of them alone. 

“He was taken care of, Jongdae,” the queen said, snapping a finger in front of her to draw Jongdae’s attention back to her. Jongdae stared at Sehun for a moment longer before looking at the queen, his expression hardening and his lips pulling down into a deep scowl. “I could’ve killed him anytime, but I kept the human alive, brought him fresh water, and fed him. This human, your human, is very interesting.”

“Let him go,” Jongdae demanded, his chin raised and his eyes flashing dangerously, “We have things to settle between ourselves, but let him go. He has done nothing wrong. He’s innocent.”

“But he’s yours,” the queen said, staring impassively at Jongdae. Neither of them looked away from the other. “So if I want you to behave, then he will be useful. And besides. He’s human. He was never and can never be innocent.”

“Look,” Jongdae said, gritting his teeth, his arms relaxing under the guard’s grasp. He fought with words now. “I am sorry that you had such a horrible experience with humans, but—”

“Don’t speak as if you know me, Jongdae,” the queen warned. 

“I don’t,” Jongdae shook his head, “But I know what it’s like to lose family members. Just like you lost your sisters, I lost my mother, my father, and my brother. So you should know we share the same bond of loss. But in my case, it was you that caused that loss.” 

“Jongdae, I killed to survive,” the queen said. It was almost as if repeating Jongdae’s name over and over again each time she spoke was an attempt to get used to that name, that person. With satisfaction, Sehun noticed that the queen still seemed slightly unsettled every time she spoke Jongdae’s name. 

“But you still killed them. Don’t think I forgot what you did to my brother either, how you deprived him of water so when he finally fought you, he was at a disadvantage,” Jongdae said. 

“He was the one who challenged me first. Do not forget,” the queen countered, “He fought bravely, but we were mismatched because his tail, his gills couldn’t change back. He didn’t drown, you know. I spared him and suffocated him underwater. I held him as he died, Jongdae. You can’t say I murdered him in cold blood if I killed him quickly to spare him.”

“You didn’t _have_ to,” Jongdae insisted, the sudden, harsh change in tone and volume of his voice causing the queen to slightly flinch. But undeterred, she continued arguing. 

“ _He_ didn’t have to challenge me,” the queen spoke again, “Your _father_ didn’t have to. Your _mother_ especially didn’t have to.”

“Rebellion may be in my blood, but what do we do now if I don’t want to?” Jongdae asked. He was the one at his knees staring upwards at the queen, but he emitted just as much power, just as much striking authority. 

“It seems both of us don’t want to fight. That’s fair,” the queen nodded, though she kept her shoulders tensed, “So if you reswear your loyalty to me and give up your voice once again as punishment for all the violence you’ve incited, then I will let you go. I will let you go, and you will have a day to leave.” 

But Sehun already yelled out in horror, stunning the room into silence. Somehow he mustered up the remaining energy he had left in order to scream in protest because no… _No_ , Jongdae should never have to lose his voice ever again, especially after he just found it, he just found it. 

“What makes you think you have an opinion?” the queen amusedly said, turning to look down at Sehun again, “You’re only human.”

“Then what makes you think you can keep proclaiming all these cruel orders and expecting everyone to comply? There’s a reason why so many people want you off the throne. There’s a reason why they want Jongdae instead,” Sehun said, “You’re only replaceable.”

At the mention of the throne, of Jongdae’s favor with their people, the queen’s expression darkened before she attempted to control herself and keep her expression clear and unreadable. But Sehun quickly caught the glimpses of vulnerability before they dripped off from her countenance.

“I don’t want the throne,” Jongdae said, raising his hands up as best as he could to show he did not mean any harm, he was not a threat, “It’s yours, and if we never fight, then it’ll always be yours. Just please let everyone go. Change your laws.”

The queen fell silent for a moment, and for that moment perhaps she really did think of Jongdae’s request, Jongdae’s argument, Jongdae’s plea. Maybe for a moment all her losses would have swayed her to listen, to agree with Jongdae. But it was just for a moment, as the queen’s jaw clenched and she looked back up, resolute and undeterred once more. 

“I’ll take that as a no,” the queen said before raising her arm, summoning guards to come to her side, “You’re lucky that I have no intention of fighting today, so this is the only way we can go from here to make you obey, to protect the throne, to protect the laws.”

The only way…

The only way?

The queen snapped her finger at the guards who rushed to grab Sehun, and at first, he didn’t understand what the guards so easily understood, reflexively moving to fulfill her command as if it were second nature. He didn’t understand why Jongdae tried so hard to lunge forward towards him, held back by guards as he screamed, his cries of _no, no, no_ falling uselessly on the queen. 

But he understood as the guards tightened his grip on him. 

He understood as they dragged him to the nearest pool of water. 

He understood in that split second where he could see nothing but his terrified reflection distorting in the ripples of the water before the guards pushed him under. 

The first time wasn’t so bad. 

Sehun had some time to rest, to briefly recover from his time in the ocean, so he could hold his breath well enough the first time the guards pushed him under and held him there. And after who knew how long, Sehun was proud that he had managed to survive after the guards pulled him up again, spluttering as he greedily, frantically breathed in and out and in and out again and again and again just in case they might repeat what they were ordered to do. 

They did. 

But the second time Sehun was pushed under the dark surface of the water, he was too busy breathing, too busy gasping as much air as he could, so when the water embraced him again, he still had his mouth open. So this time, Sehun choked on the salty water that filled his mouth, and when he fought to breathe, fought to live, he swallowed gulps and gulps of water so he wouldn’t inhale it. For a second he briefly thought in disgust of all the little plankton and who knew what else that he just drank in. For more than a few seconds he realized there were more important things to think about. Like breathing. Like surviving. Like…not fucking drowning. There was only so much he could do before he was forced to breathe in the water, but luckily Sehun was pulled up just in time, giving him a chance to choke and violently cough. But there was no respite. Of course there would be no respite in the ocean because again he was roughly submerged. 

Again. 

And again. 

And again. 

If the queen was doing this to break Jongdae, then Sehun would not break. 

He could feel his body struggling to stay conscious, so ready to give in the next time they pushed him under, but if Jongdae had endured this the last time he had met the queen, then so would Sehun. 

By now, Sehun couldn’t really hear anything around him. 

He couldn’t hear Jongdae’s terrified screaming echoing around the stony room, couldn’t hear Sunyoung and Baekhyun pounding the floor with their fists and legs in furious frustration, couldn’t even hear how loud the water splashed when he was pushed under. 

Because all he heard was the pounding of his heart still reminding them that he was still alive, still alive, still _alive_ , and the continuous, silent mantra in his head that varied from a constant stream of _fuck the ocean, fuck the ocean, fuck the ocean_ to sometimes _fuck the queen, fuck the queen, fuck the queen_ , or lately when he was running out of energy, just a simple _fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_ …

But eventually, the queen must have felt pity for him. Or at least the guards must have. Because soon, the next time Sehun was pulled from the water after being held down for who knew how long, he was given a short break. A chance for him to remember what breathing felt like as he coughed and shakily gasped again and again and again.

And this time as he lay on the stony floor trying so hard to grasp the last fragments of his consciousness even though it was trickling through his fingers faster than any water or any sand could, Sehun heard it.

Sehun heard him. 

Jongdae. 

Jongdae’s voice pierced through the fear that crashed over him, through the sound of his weak attempts to breathe, and through the frantic pounding of his heart. Even now the sound of Jongdae’s voice had Sehun so completely and absolutely overwhelmed. 

“Hey…Hey,” Jongdae said, straining against the guards that held him, trying to smile as reassuringly as possible, fighting to keep calm even though he was nowhere near calm, “Look at me. Look at me, Sehun.”

Sehun continued coughing his lungs out, trying to keep a loud sob from sounding as he looked at Jongdae. He would not, did not want to give the queen the satisfaction of knowing that she was breaking him, that she was breaking Jongdae, so he just let his shoulders shake as he focused on Jongdae, just Jongdae. 

“Look at me, Sehun,” Jongdae softly said, his voice slightly cracking from the effort it took to appear strong, all but dangling from the guard’s grasp as he pulled himself as close to Sehun as possible, “Breathe…Just breathe. You’re okay. It’s okay. I’m here.”

Sehun could only manage to nod because that was all he was capable of right now.

The next time he felt himself pushed towards the water, it was not his own scared reflection that he saw as the guards hovered him above the water, but rather just Jongdae. Because Sehun squeezed his eyes shut, wanting the last thing he wanted to see, to keep with him to only be Jongdae’s image, only Jongdae’s reassuring look, only Jongdae. But he still screamed when he felt himself pushed, though before he could feel any water caress his face, Jongdae shouted loud and clear. It was not to give up his voice or to pledge any loyalty to the queen. 

“I invoke the codes,” Jongdae shouted, his voice echoing alone. Sehun opened his eyes and found himself suspended mere centimeters away from the surface of the water. And slowly, he turned his head, attempting to catch a glimpse of Jongdae who was done running from his future, forced to seize it now at last.

But what a glimpse that was.

Jongdae had managed to pull himself free from the guards, standing strongly with his shoulders back, his fists clenched by his side, and his chin up. There was a stormy look in Jongdae’s eyes, one that Sehun found reflected in days where the waves were more turbulent and violent than usual, where gray clouds would suffocate the horizon and conceal any traces of the previously blue sky. In this one moment, if Sehun were the queen, he would have been absolutely terrified of Jongdae. 

“I invoke the codes,” Jongdae calmly shouted again, “I invoke my right to seek vengeance for my mother. My father. My brother. The people that have lost their voices because they dared to sing even when you forbade them. I invoke my right to challenge you for your throne, and at the end of this fight, may the future be secured with the rightful monarch.”

The queen looked at him and smiled a small smile. Sehun recognized that type of smile. 

“So you’re dooming us both,” the queen slowly said, “Only one can survive after today no matter what happens. Are you sure?”

“How many times do I have to say so?” Jongdae threw back, “I’m ready. This is my official challenge to you. I come here to demand blood for blood, a life for the lives you’ve taken.”

Whenever merpeople talked about Jongdae and his family, many praised his mother who dared to challenge the queen first in order to try and single-handedly overthrow the singing ban and the queen herself. The majority praised Jongdeok who fearlessly started the rebellion, leading those brave enough to demand the right to sing openly again and who died trying to avenge his parents and save his brother. But Jongdae’s father had only fought to avenge his wife, his emotions blinding his ability to think straight, to think logically, to think of anything except of the mermaid who had his heart. Dead. Gone. Lost thanks to the queen. 

And now, here in the same place where they all had died before, Jongdae thought of his father briefly, and turned what had been used against him to the queen. 

“Your sisters,” Jongdae spoke as he started walking around the center pool, never taking his eyes off the queen, “What were their names?” 

“Don’t speak of them,” the queen snapped, beginning to mirror Jongdae’s movements and circling around the same pool as well. 

“I think their names, if I remember properly,” Jongdae said as he raised his right hand, “are Yeeun. Hyerim. And yes… Sunmi. The youngest. Oh! Those _were_ their names…sorry. It’s hard speaking in past tense isn’t it? Especially about people who you thought were going to be by your side now and until whenever forever ends?”

“ _Stop_ that,” the queen snapped, though she raised her right hand as she continued to circle around the pool with Jongdae. Perhaps this was a ritualistic aspect of the challenge. “Keep their names out of your mouth.”

“Our people can’t live without singing,” Jongdae shook his head as they continued to pace around, never looking once away from the other, “Your sisters wouldn’t have wanted this. Think of them. Just _think_ of them.”

“They’re dead because they _sang_ ,” the queen yelled, quickly losing her composure, “That should have never been allowed to happen. That should have never happened.”

“Then maybe you were just a weak monarch,” Jongdae said, continuing to rile up the queen, “One who couldn’t protect her sisters. So what makes you think this ban will successfully protect the people? You’re ineffective. This is why the people want you off the throne.”

From the very mention of her sisters’ names, the queen’s expression began to crumble, wavering and collapsing finally at Jongdae’s accusation that she had been too weak to prevent their deaths from happening. If Jongdae had wanted to provoke the queen into a blinding rage at the mention of her dead family members just like his father had been provoked, then he had failed. Because there was only a certain fragility, a weak attempt to appear in control. 

“Enough. Just finish what you came here to do,” the queen snapped, standing in her place at the front of the pool, “Don’t speak of them anymore.”

Jongdae fell silent as he walked over to meet the queen and kept his hand raised as he spoke. Around him, Baekhyun and Sunyoung had ceased their attempts to slip out of the guards’ grasps to just look up at Jongdae in awe. Even the guards forgot to keep their grip as tight as possible, their hands growing lax as they stared. 

“I, Kim Jongdae, offer my challenge to demand vengeance, to fight for the throne, to fight for the people’s voices,” Jongdae said before closing his hand into a fist and placing it over his heart. “I fight for my parents. My brother. Sunyoung. Baekhyun. And Sehun.” 

“So that’s your name,” the queen said, turning her head to look at Sehun who was still fucking hovering over the water. She smiled at him, but it was a type of smile Sehun couldn’t recognize, couldn’t read. Taking a deep breath, she turned back and replied.

“I, Kim Yubin, accept your challenge, as it is your right to do so, and accept the outcome of however this will end,” the queen said before closing her raised hand into a fist and placing it over her heart. “I fight for my sisters. Yeeun. Hyerim. Sunmi.”

“So that’s your name,” Sehun quietly echoed. While Jongdae had finally decided to challenge the queen, Sehun wasn’t as scared as he was before. If Jongdae fought the queen at her peak in absolute emotional control, then Sehun would have been concerned. But Jongdae had weathered down the queen with reminders of her lost sisters, her dead sisters, so he was the one who stood calmly, resolutely while the queen looked so weary, so vulnerable next to him. 

And now, the queen silently bent down to pluck a bit of water from the pool beside them. She pressed one hand to Jongdae’s outreached hand and wove the water around their clasped hands three times before snapping her finger, causing the water to abruptly fall from their hands and splash at their feet. 

There wasn’t anything left to do, any more aspects of the ritual to complete, so Jongdae looked once at Baekhyun and Sunyoung, nodding at them in reassurance that it would be fine before turning to gaze at Sehun as he smiled and raised a hand to his face, his fingers falling parallel to his forehead. Sehun understood. 

Without any more hesitation, the two of them counted silently before they dove into the pool at the same time, water crashing out and spilling onto the rocky surface from the force of the splash. 

Sehun couldn’t stand staring at the pool that had slowly stilled, not knowing what was happening under the water, who was winning, who was weakening, and tore himself away from the guards’ grasps. They were too stunned to hold Sehun properly anyways, and Sehun grabbed onto their limp arms to pull himself back from where he was suspended over the water. Staggering towards the pool, Sehun knelt by the rocks and frantically looked into the water, searching for any movement, anything at all. 

Jongdae and the queen must have fought deeper below the surface of the water because Sehun could only see nothing but the dark surface of the water. Futilely, he leaned towards the water and desperately spread it apart with his hands as if he could somehow single-handedly part the ocean to find Jongdae. He gave up after a while, lifting his damp hands away from the ocean, water dripping off of his fingers and splashing into the pool. But he continued staring at the water, searching for some sign of anything…any life, any fight. Though as he sat still with his racing heart pounding out of his chest, he could do nothing but wait. 

Wait and plead that Jongdae _had_ to survive. He just _had_ to. 

Wait and worry that something must have gone wrong if it was taking this long. 

Wait and panic as soon as the water began to become tinged with blood. 

Wait and –

A few moments later, a figure resurfaced from the red water, waves of water raining from drenched hair and dripping off of soaked skin. 

A figure that emerged from the water and so easily transformed gills back into skin, a tail into legs. 

A figure that everyone immediately began to bow to. 

“Long live the—” someone began to clearly say. 

“Queen,” the figure’s voice interrupted them, the loudly spoken word carrying over the dissonant voices. 

The figure gazed at everyone around, everyone who had fought against and with them before all of this. And when finding Sunyoung’s shocked gaze, placed a fisted arm across their chest and spoke once again. 

“Long live the queen,” Jongdae bowed.

ϟ

“Can’t you come back with me? Just for a little?” Sehun asked, kicking his feet to stay above the surface of the ocean, unable to believe how the past hours had blurred by. The guards had surrendered themselves immediately after the queen’s body was retrieved, and Sunyoung and Baekhyun had rushed towards Jongdae as soon as they had been freed. But Jongdae’s arms had searched for only one person to tightly, desperately hold, his voice had spoken only one name, and his lips had kissed only one pair of lips again and again and again. Sehun who had been ready to pass the fuck out did so only after reaching upwards to touch Jongdae’s cheeks with trembling fingers before giving into the darkness he had held at bay for so long with a smile. 

That was not the smug smile he gave the queen when he resisted her in his own way or even the smile he reflexively gave when things were beyond fucked, no. This was the smile of someone who had gained what had been lost to him, who knew everything would mend even if his body were near its breaking point. It was a sweet smile, a stunning smile that Sehun reserved only for Jongdae. 

After Sehun had regained consciousness, he had hoped to spend more time with Jongdae alone. But immediately, Jongdae had lead Sehun back to the surface of the water, preparing to send him off back to shore. Sehun couldn’t exactly understand how long he’d been trapped in the ocean, and it had been an absolute miracle he hadn’t died or drowned, but since Jongdae couldn’t leave just yet, here they were now, waiting for some coast guard boat to make its routinely rounds, to find Sehun, and to take him back to shore. 

“Sehun, if I come back with you now, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to leave again,” Jongdae said, having no problems at all remaining above the surface of the water. But he watched Sehun’s expression fall and added a few words with a smile. “You know that I have to stay behind to make sure everything’s settled. A few people still want me king even though the throne’s all Sunyoung’s. And besides. Don’t you have to respond to all your schools by now? To decide where you’re going.”

At that, Sehun sighed. Breathed in…and out. And then he let out a long, exasperated yell, only stopping after he was out of breath. 

“Some queen held me in her underwater castle asking me the same questions over and over and over again every day before dropping me down under the ocean tied to a rock where the water was so black that I thought I was choking in darkness, and when I swam by myself all the way up there I almost drowned… _died_ how many times? And now you’re telling me I have to go there and make this decision immediately?” Sehun exasperatedly said. 

“I’m still sorry you had to go through that. I’m so sorry,” Jongdae said, his smile disappearing for a moment, “But hey, if you can face all of that, endure all of that and come out of it all alive, then I’m sure this decision will seem like nothing.”

“It isn’t nothing,” Sehun insisted, “How am I supposed to choose between schools that I don’t have a strong preference to? This is my future all right here. What if I make the wrong choice?”

“You won’t,” Jongdae shook his head, “And I don’t think you’ll ever know if you chose wrongly. You’ll be too busy with other decisions, other choices in the future anyways.”

“Back at the queen’s castle,” Sehun said, “The queen put me through those psychological tests merpeople seem to be so fond of. She kept making me choose between two options, always moving on if I couldn’t answer.”

Jongdae remained silent, listening to Sehun intently, though his hand drifted across the water to find Sehun’s, their fingers folding into each other. 

“I really couldn’t answer at first, Jongdae. You know how indecisive I am, especially with a short time limit,” Sehun said. “But later, I just chose my own answers. Sometimes I changed my answers to piss her off, to mess with whatever data she was trying to record. Do you know what answers I gave her on the last day? The last time before you were about to reach her castle?”

“What did you say?” Jongdae asked, though his lips curled up a little more as he looked at the shining fondness and sweet smile on Sehun’s lips and knew. 

“Jongdae,” Sehun grinned, “I answered you. It was always you. You are the easiest choice I have ever made, the choice I will always make, the choice I will keep making for however long forever lasts.”

“I’ll come back, Sehun,” Jongdae said, his tail flicking upwards to support Sehun above the water as he held him tightly, “When everything’s finished here, I’ll swim as fast as I can to you, and I’ll find you…I’ll find your house by the blue beach past the sandy avenues a few minutes away from the bakery with the blue cupcakes. Just like you found my bottle. Just like you found my tide pool. Just like you found me all that time ago.”

“Don’t take too long,” Sehun warned, looking, looking, looking at only Jongdae trying to memorize every angle, every curve, every wrinkle even though he could close his eyes even now and picture him perfectly. Because how long would they be apart? How long would it take until he would see him again? “Who knows where I’ll be after I choose where to go.”

“Wherever you go, I’ll find you,” Jongdae smiled, “Go where you have to go, Sehun. It’s okay. I’m here right now, and I’ll be there in the future.”

Sehun didn’t know what he could possibly say anymore to Jongdae because his heart was bursting, full of such strong sentiments. But even when he opened his mouth to say something…anything…nothing sounded. As he scrambled for words, straining to make himself heard, the sound of a distant motor echoed behind them. 

“Ah, there’s your ride to the shore,” Jongdae said as he looked behind him. 

“Jongdae,” Sehun could only manage to say. It was always Jongdae. 

“I should go. I don’t think it would be wise for them to see me like this, but I’ll stay around to make sure they pick you up and take you home.”

“Jongdae,” Sehun said, his arms tightening around Jongdae. 

Jongdae could only smile a shaky smile and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

“I’ll find you,” Jongdae promised before kissing Sehun again, this time on his lips. Sehun pressed shaky fingers to his mouth, the lingering taste of seawater and stars and something else dissolving into the bitter taste of farewell. 

Jongdae slipped out of Sehun’s arms, smiled one last smile, and dove deep into the ocean. 

Sehun could only stare at the patch of water where Jongdae disappeared, feeling alone and a little terrified of the ocean now. It was a miracle he had been so strong for so long, and with the knowledge that Jongdae was gone, disappeared into the ocean for whoever knew how long, Sehun screamed. Again. Sehun screamed, flailing his arms, causing water to splash everywhere, seawater spilling into his open mouth. 

Sehun almost died that day as the coast guard curiously and concernedly fished him out of the sea, miles and miles and miles away from any nearby land. They muttered between each other as they hauled a hysterical Sehun onto their boat, their dry boat, asking where did this human come from? How did he get out here? What was he doing all alone? How was he not dead? He didn’t swim all the way out here, did he? But they received no answers from Sehun, nothing at all because on that boat Sehun died even though he was safe, grieved even though he still loved, and suffocated even though he could breathe, he could _breathe_.

And he drowned. 

Sehun drowned on a deluge of one name, of one color, of one person. 

All Jongdae.

All blue. 

All Jongdae. 

“Who’s Jongdae?” one coast guard asked as she wrapped towels around Sehun who shivered, wouldn’t stop shivering, wouldn’t stop repeating that name over and over again as he was strangled by those beautiful syllables and choked over those sounds.

“It’s Jongdae,” Sehun would say between deep breaths, “Who else could it be? It’s Jongdae.”

“He doesn’t look too good,” another coast guard remarked as she held out a bottle of fresh water to Sehun, “Whatever happened to him out here…It must’ve been bad.”

Sehun sat slumped on the side of the deck, and after taking a cautious sip, drank thirstily even though the water still tasted salty to him. After that, the coast guards left him alone, whispering about him as he just rested, and while he now fell silent, his mind was continuously envisioning that particular shade of blue, that specific smile, that one person. Perhaps it was an attempt to repress what really happened to him under the ocean, an attempt to forget how many times he had almost drowned. But whatever it was, the clearest thought Sehun had was that he was never fucking coming back to the ocean. At least for a long, long, long time. 

It was relief, with terrified relief that Sehun felt when he finally saw familiar shores greet him as the boat sped him back home. There he saw those sands, those sunbathing people crowded on the beach, and as the coast guard guided him gently to where an ambulance was waiting, he could make out those gray avenues and concrete buildings in the distance. 

“Do you know how long you were in the ocean before you were picked up?” one paramedic asked as the other began examining Sehun inside the ambulance. 

But Sehun could not answer because as he stared out the window as the ambulance drove parallel to the beach, he swore he could see one last glimpse of a blue tail flicking upwards above the surface of the water one last time before disappearing into the rippling waves.

ϟ

Sehun hated the beach. 

And now, after coming back home, back to frantically worried friends, grieving families, he no longer had to explain why. He didn’t explain anyways, didn’t explain what he had been doing out there in the ocean, how he even got there, how he managed to not die or drown.

The doctors, the nurses, the medical staff that treated him during his brief stay at the hospital couldn’t understand what had happened to Sehun, why he had been so severely dehydrated, why he had been found so far from land in the middle of the ocean. And why he couldn’t…wouldn’t speak anymore. 

Jongin and Soojung could guess. 

Though they didn’t ask while Sehun was recovering in a white hospital room while bright lights illuminated the white sheets of the white bed and his white hospital gown. They didn’t ask when they took Sehun home from the hospital, pushing him on a weathered wheelchair, its gray wheels rattling every now and then as they pushed him along the ashy pavement before helping them into Jongin’s gray car. They didn’t ask because Sehun was alive. Had been just barely so, but still alive. 

And that was all they cared about. 

But they could guess as they watched Sehun over the next few days, weeks as he refused to go to the beach, refused to look at the ocean as he closed the curtains of his window to shut out the sight of the shining sun dancing on top of blue waves. They could guess when Sehun would make batches and batches of cupcakes with blue-frosted cupcakes, never eating them, but always staring at them perfectly lined up on his kitchen counter with a mixture of something beaten, something broken, and something blue dancing in his fallen gaze. It was all too obvious to even bother guessing when they’d sit next to Sehun on his blue couch as he clutched a once-blue bottle in one hand and a blue notebook in his other hand. 

So they asked. 

“Where’s Jongdae?” they cautiously said. 

And with that, Sehun, who had only been communicating with them through writing because he didn’t trust himself to speak, who had refused to sound out even a little hum because it would remind him too much, who had sealed up his own voice for a little while because he missed someone else’s voice too much, blurted out one word that had been choking him all this time. 

“ _Jongdae_ ,” Sehun said, a strangled sob threatening to burst from his lips. 

Who else could it have been?

So Jongin and Soojung listened quietly, attentively as Sehun told them every single thing that happened from the beginning with that blue bottle he unknowingly picked up to the tide pool he discovered while he was out with them to finally the end. He didn’t expect them to believe him…believe what probably sounded like a raving, mythical story of _merpeople_ and how he, a human, survived deep under the sea for so long, and how he missed a merman who had to remain back in the ocean for who knew long to ensure the passing of a throne concluded smoothly. 

But they did anyways. 

“Is Jongdae going to come back?” Soojung carefully asked, “After he’s all finished with what he has to do...there? In the ocean?”

“He will,” Sehun nodded again and again and again. 

“How long will that take?” Jongin asked, “When will he come back?”

“I don’t know,” Sehun had to say, “But he will. He will.”

Though for the next few weeks, Jongdae didn’t come back. There was no knock on Sehun’s door, no singing that Sehun could recognize anywhere. And whenever he came home from visiting Jongin or Soojung, no one would be there waiting for him curled up on the couch or on his bed or anywhere at all. 

It was okay. 

Jongdae had things to do for himself. 

So did Sehun. 

Luckily it was not too late for Sehun to answer all those universities that had accepted him for graduate school. While before Sehun had spent who knew how long dreading the time he would have to finally decide, now, he wasn’t scared, wasn’t afraid of choosing wrong. Yesterday’s version of himself didn’t know what to do, but now since he was older, had lived through much more, loved much more, today’s version of himself wondered how he was ever worried over such an answer that came to him so easily now. 

So Sehun marked off the same answer in reply to those college admissions, strong resolution coursing through him as he felt surer of himself than ever before. After dealing with those decisions, Sehun took a deep breath and sent off one email and smiled when he received a reply. It was not the same smile he smiled when he was deep under the ocean realizing everything had gone so wrong there was nothing left to do except smile. But it was the same smile he smiled at Jongdae when he realized there were many things he didn’t know or couldn’t decide on, but at least he knew this. 

There was his future. 

This was his future. 

But that future had come quicker than he could have ever anticipated, and soon, it was time for Jongin and Soojung to leave. Jongin would attend graduate school in the fall. Soojung would follow him later, but for now, she had found a job she was genuinely interested in and would start in the next few weeks. It was always regretful to move away from homes, move away from loved ones, but it didn’t feel like leaving anything or anyone behind if everyone was moving forwards. It was more of a promise. A… _let’s meet again when we have time, when the future has slowed down enough for us to come back to each other._

Because it was always easier to come back to people than places. Places, cities, beaches remained stuck where they were, but people could be anywhere, anytime at all. 

But as for Sehun?

He remained in his house for a few more weeks until it was time for him to leave, too. A while ago he would’ve been scared to leave his home, his beach, his city. But now, he was brave enough to pack up his things with trembling fingers and leave when it was time. 

There was a small part of him that worried Jongdae wouldn’t come back before he’d have to leave, to move away. Though if he didn’t come back in time, it would be okay. He knew Jongdae would find him somehow, somewhere anyways. 

He didn’t have to worry much, as the day before he was leaving, he was sitting on his blue couch in his living room when he heard. 

Sehun heard the sea knock before he saw it. It called his name with its sweet, beautiful voice, and all Sehun could do was smile as he all but ran to the door. 

“Sehun!” the voice called. 

“Sehun!” it called again. 

“ _Sehun_!” it sang. 

“I’m _coming_ ,” Sehun called out as his heart sang a rhythmic song in reply. 

As he rushed through his living room, outside his window, he could still see a picturesque, beautiful view of the blue beach before him through the slits of his curtains, but he ignored that.

Because Sehun still hated the beach. 

He still fucking _despised_ the way the sand got _everywhere_ even if all he did was walk on the sand-sprinkled pavement next to the beach, the way he got the _ugliest_ tan lines possible when he spent not even an hour under the sun, and especially the way that the cold water and merciless waves felt as if they were smothering him whenever he bothered to try swimming. 

And the ocean?

Even _worse_. 

Sehun fucking _hated_ the ocean.

He would always have a particular spot in his heart to scorn the ocean, to vehemently curse it out whenever he remembered. Because his time under the ocean? Being dropped down the ocean as he sank for who knew how long until he felt as if he was smothered in darkness, strangled in nothingness? Being drowned again and again, not long enough to die, but long enough to fear, to remain conscious? Seeing what the ocean did to those who lived in it? That was _enough_. 

But as Sehun opened the door to find the sea waiting for him with a smile, he realized he could hate the sandy beach, hate the deep ocean, but never once could he hate the sea. 

“Jongdae,” Sehun called out, all but throwing himself into Jongdae’s arms, missing the feeling of his body pressed to his, missing the sound of his laughter, missing the softness of his skin. “I missed you, I missed you, I _missed_ you.”

“Sehun,” Jongdae said, his arms reaching out to catch Sehun, to hold him, to never let him go again. “I missed you too, I missed you too, I missed you, _too_.”

“You’re here,” Sehun said, peeking up at Jongdae. Even though he was much taller, he had bent down to press his head against Jongdae’s chest to feel, to hear, to love the heartbeat that echoed loudly out of Jongdae’s skin. 

“I’m here,” Jongdae nodded, smiling as he stroked Sehun’s back before he peeked into Sehun’s house. “Your bags are packed. Have you decided where you’ll go?”

“I’m not going to graduate school,” Sehun said as Jongdae raised his eyebrows in surprise, “For now at least, I’m going to follow one of my professors to a university a couple hours from here to do a research internship for a year. And after that, who knows where I’ll go?”

“I’m proud of you,” Jongdae excitedly said, lifting Sehun up so that it was his turn to throw himself into Sehun’s arms, “I’m glad you finally decided, Sehun.”

“It’s by the ocean. Will you come?” Sehun asked even though somehow he already knew the answer. 

“Of course,” Jongdae smiled, “Everything’s been settled back in the ocean. Sunyoung’s rightfully queen, and the codes have been revised. Most of the older ones have been either abolished or amended, and everyone can sing as they want. There are more specific places where they can do it without human intervention, but they can sing. There’s no reason for me to stay, so I’ll go with you, Sehun. I think going somewhere unfamiliar for the both of us won’t be so hard since we’re together, right?” 

“Of course,” Sehun said, excitedly bouncing on his toes, “Can you sing for me, Jongdae?” It’s been so long since I’ve heard you sing.”

Jongdae nodded, and Sehun eagerly sat on his doorstep before opening his arms. Jongdae sat on Sehun’s lap and leaned back into his arms before opening his mouth to sing. And Sehun instantly felt a wide, ecstatic grin burst from his mouth, tears spring to his eyes as he listened to that beautiful song, as he held this beautiful being, as he simply breathed, his chest rising and falling like how the waves outside his house rose and fell again and again and again to kiss the shores it could not exist without.

Yes, Sehun still hated the beach, still hated the ocean. 

But the sea?

The sea that he found in Jongdae? 

He loved it. 

He loved Jongdae.


End file.
